What Happens on the Neon Lights Tour.... (Nemi)

The hardest thing

Demi 

Nick held me all night, probably paying for it the next day with sore muscles. He was holding me when I woke up & instead of thinking about sex with him, we talked. We laughed. We were enjoying each other without having sex. This is what real relationships were based on. I wanted to know, without a doubt, that Nick was in love with me & not in lust with me. I have had those kinds of relationships before & I wasn't looking for that now. I was looking for something real. I was looking for something to build a future on.

Nick showered, changed, then snuck out of the hotel to head to the airport & back to L.A. I wanted him to stay, but it was too risky. We didn't want to explain why he was there, but wasn't supposed to be. People would talk. I wasn't sure when I'd see him again, so I was pretty sad. I really wanted to have sex with him. It was the best way to feel close to him. I needed to feel close to him. I couldn't have sex with him, though, because I feared it was all he cared about. I have been used so often in the past that it messed with my head. Now I had trouble trusting people. That's why I was with Wilmer. He proved his love over & over to me. Nick loved me as a friend, I knew that without a doubt, but I wasn't sure he was truly in love with me.

I continued on my tour for a few more days, continuously talking & texting to Nick. It was nice that Olivia was in Dubai, so we could communicate like a real couple. Amazingly, Nick & I spent the next several days talking & texting for hours on end. You'd think as long as we have been friends, we'd run out of things to talk about, but we never did. It was one of the best things about my relationship with Nick.

After my show in Tampa, I was flying the next morning back to L.A. for an event for Unicef that I was attending. Wilmer was going with me, as my date & it would be obvious that we were a couple at that point. I don't know who I was kidding. People had to know we were together. We wouldn't be for much longer. I was dreading breaking up with him. We've been so on & off over the years, that it was comical sometimes. We were great friends, though. I knew we'd go back to being friends like before. This time might be different. He started bringing up marriage & family in recent months. I had to figure out the right time to do this to him.

The Unicef Unite4Good event was amazing. I accepted an award, mingled with some of the greatest people in the business, performed a song & took a selfie with President Clinton. I mean come on. What? Yea, that happened. My life was pretty fucking amazing at the moment.

After the party, Wilmer & I went back to my place & I was feeling so good, that I had to have sex with Wilmer. I wanted to fuck him one more time before I broke up with him. I hadn't planned on breaking up with him so soon, it just kind of happened.

I woke up on my stomach, feeling Wilmer's hand on the small of my back. He was still sleeping, so I wiggled out of his arms & headed to the bathroom. I came out of the bathroom after I showered to find my bed empty. With only my robe on, I went to find Wilmer. I almost died when I heard Nick & Wilmer's voices in the kitchen. What the fuck was Nick doing here? I went to the kitchen & saw Wilmer in only his pajama pants & Nick looking very uncomfortable as he made small talk with Wilmer. I made myself visible to Nick, who looked at me with an adoration, I couldn't help but to smile. Wilmer turned around, too & his smile fell after a moment, watching me & Nick stare at each other. Wilmer cleared his throat as I walked toward them. Wilmer put his arm around me & kissed my cheek. I saw Nick wince & my heart broke a little.

"Nick was in the area on his way to a meeting & brought you coffee." Wilmer said, smiling.

"How thoughtful." I replied, smiling at Nick.

"Thought I'd see how the tour was going. And wanted to hear about the event last night. Congrats on the award. Wilmer was just telling me about it." Nick licked his lips as he looked at the floor. I could tell he was trying to not let Wilmer see something between us.