Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter Seven

I woke up. My back felt terrible, like I'd slept on the floor. When my vision came to, I realised, I was on the floor. But hadn't fallen asleep; I'd passed out from the panic attack.

I've suffered with them since I was 10. Since...we can get onto that later. They were really bad. When "Please Clarify" started to play shows, I'd have one 10 minutes before a performance. But after a few gigs, I started to realise how much I loved being up there and performing. When the drugs happened, even though I wasn't on them for long, they had a huge effect, and I'd have an attack daily. When with Sam, I'd have them all the time. When I had one in front of him, he'd get really angry. Whenever I felt one about to happen, I'd leave the room and hide in the closet or bathroom. In the past few months it had calmed down, when Sam had distanced himself a lot. We'd never really been "together" in all honesty.

I slowly sat up, rubbing my neck and taking in my surroundings. I saw my backpack contents across the floor from when I'd thrown it in anger. My phone sat there near my hand.

I jumped out of my skin when the phone started to buzz and ring. A picture of a cross eyed Taylor, that he'd taken on my phone while I was in the studios bathroom, flashed on the screen. I didn't want to touch it, letting it buzz. It felt for an eternity until it stopped and his face disappeared. I picked the phone up cautiously and my eyes bulged.

T-Tay York- missed call (28)

T-Tay York- Bethan are you okay?

T-Tay York- I need to know are you okay?

T-Tay York- I know you don't want to talk but just tell me that you're okay x

I didn't understand what was happening and why Taylor was going crazy. And then I realised. I had left the studio at 6 pm on the 4th January. It was now 1pm on the 5th.

All the blood rushed to my brain at once. "Shit Bethan, calm down," I said out loud. I couldn't have another attack. Not now. My attention was quickly brought back to my phone as it buzzed again.

T-Tay York- I'm coming over. I don't care if you don't let me in, if you call the cops, I just want to know you're okay. Reply and I won't come over..x

"You're fine Bethan, just text him" I thought to myself. My thumbs hovered over the lock screen, ready to text the last thing I'd ever say to him probably. So I stopped. I wanted him to come over. My mind told me this was good, that I could be told why he didn't want to tell Jeremy and Hayley we were writing songs. Every other nerve in my body just wanted to see him.

I quickly swept up all the stuff from my backpack and shoved it back in. I stood up, a little too fast, and grimaced at the sudden rush to my head. I slowly walked to my room and opened my wardrobe. I pulled off the the grey sweat pants and green day t-shirt from the day before and untied my converse. I slipped out of my underwear and into a clean bra and panties. I dumped all the clothes in the laundry basket before rummaging in my closet for a pair of black high waisted jeans and grey long sleeved crop top. I wrapped my hair into a bun and sighed, feeling a lot better then I had earlier. That was until I heard someone buzzing for my apartment. I sighed and walked over to my door, pressing the button to let Taylor in.

There was 3 knocks at the door. I sighed before pulling the door open. I didn't even get a chance to think, all I noted was that was I was engulfed in a hug. The familiar smell of Taylor filled my nostrils. Peppermint and his aftershave. I breathed in the scent, the same scent I had enjoyed for the past few days. My face was against his chest, my cheek on the cold leather of his jacket. I felt his chest rise and fall, falling into the same rhythm of my breathing. I felt my arms meekly wrap around his back. As soon as I did, his arms tightened. I felt so good. I wanted to burst into tears of happiness.