demons » e.o'c x reader

•twelve•

warning || there is self-harm in this chapter. skip if sensitive. :)

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I stared at the ceiling, almost getting drowned by all my thoughts.

It had been a month since I hurt anyone—specifically Enoch. I'll never forget that day.

I looked down at my arm. There were scars. Ones that I carved out whenever I blamed myself, or when I was depressed.

This was who I am; a monster.

I stood up, looking through my drawers for the blade. The blade that I was acquainted with so often. The blade that caused me pain which I deserved. I knew this wasnt healthy, and that it wasn't going to help, but I hated myself—and that's enough for an explanation.

Finally finding it, I clutched it in my fist and walked to the bathroom, being careful to not step on the creaky floorboards. It was a very early hour of the day, 2:30 am to be specific, and even the noises that came from Enoch's room had been silenced.

I lock the door behind me and stared at myself in the mirror. I was a horrible human being. I started to drag the blade across my arm, creating fresh wounds over the healed ones.

Tears spilled onto them, making the pain almost unbearable.

"Y/N!" I turn around, startled by the call. Gruff was there, his eyes filled with concern. I hid my arm behind me and wiped my tears away, even though I knew that he had already guessed.

"What are you doing?" He grabs my arm, examining the fresh cuts that I made. I squinted my eyes, more tears falling. "I thought we were over this, Y/N!" Gruff says angrily.

"I thought you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore." He added, now crying.

"I'm a monster. If you were me, I think you'd hate yourself just as much as I-I do."

"But you don't deserve this," Gruff states, his eyes watery as they looked into mine.

"I deserve to be hurt like the way I hurt others."

"Don't say that! You know very well that this isn't your fault so stop! Stop blaming yourself for the things that you didn't do!" He yells angrily. I ignored his statement, rushing out the bathroom and entering my bedroom.

~

In the morning, I woke up late as usual. I picked up a book that Miss Peregrine had given me a week ago. She said that it would keep me company while I stayed inside. Looking down at my arm, I realized that it was covered in bandages. Gruff must've placed them when I fell asleep last night. Speaking of him, he wasn't here like he always was.

I scanned my eyes over the book, reading but I didn't understand a thing. Someone knocks on the door suddenly.

"Who is it?" I yawned, shutting the book closed.

"It's Jake. Can I come in?"

"Sure." I tell him, getting out of bed to check on my appearance. I would've joked about telling him that he wasn't allowed inside, but I was too depressed to say anything else.

Jake enters the room, his eyes fixated on the bandages that covered my arm. 

"Good mor—what happened to your arm?"

"I-I just hit it somewhere," I reply in the most unconvincing voice I had.

"Y/N." He calls, staring at me with a concerned look. "You cut yourself last night, didn't you?"

I gulped, finding the will to nod. Jake walks over to my side, making eye contact.

"Why?" He asks.

"I don't need to explain myself." I stood up, facing away from him as I crossed my arms.

"You don't deserve those cuts, Y/N."

I turn my body to face him, tears already streaming down my face. "And those people I hurt don't deserve the pain I caused them."

"They were two people, it's fine," He assured and I felt myself get even angrier at what I did.

"Yeah, sure, Jake! And not to mention, I killed them and injured both my mom and Enoch!"

"Look, Y/N. Let's go outside for some fresh air, okay?" Jake says as he rubbed my back softly in attempt to comfort me.

I pull away, looking into his piercing sapphire eyes. "Only if we go back inside as soon as possible."

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author's note || i won't be updating tomorrow cause guess where i'm going! (clue: 🌴🌞🌅🌊)

~ anastasia 🐧