Stella's perfect day includes working long shifts as a nurse, drinking copious amounts of coffee and doing her best for her patients by the time she's home. The only trouble she likes is what she can fix. But on the first day of her new job in upsta...
The Scientist and I raced through halls together holding hands I wore an shiny Edwardian dress laughing back at him then his hand let go of mine. Even though I shook my head asking him not to two shadows dragged me into the darkness as I cried, kicked and screamed inaudibly for him to help but he disappeared.
"Nusquam Dimittunt!" I shot up from my bed shouting in another language still with the fear of the shadows so I lit up a candle on the side of my bed and went to the internet to try to find what phrase had I uttered.
"Nusquam Dimittunt, Latin for... Never let go?" I looked at the translation thinking what could have triggered me to start talking in Latin and dreaming stupid things such as these with the scientist.
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02. 02. 2015.
On Monday I headed to the hospital more asleep then awake, dragging myself through the doors of that horrible cup of coffee they pumped us with. So I broke the rules for once and went into the neuro wing lounge to have coffee from their machine and everything there was shinier, newer, even the coffee wasn't the cheap Costco in bulk kind. It was odd the scientist had bothered to go get coffee so many times at the nurses lounge, this room was much nicer and they even had a couch I could easily fall asleep. So I got a breakfast sandwich and walked out to go eat in peace in one of the family waiting rooms in Peds before I was caught left-handed here.
"Congratulations, seems you won fair and square huh?" Jess was walking down the hall with her stuff.
"Jess wait let me explain..."
"Trust me it was always very well explained to anyone with eyes to see."
"Jess please I promise you there is nothing going on with..."
"Save it Stella, I don't care, I got offered to go to the Mayo Clinic as an intern and one day I'll be a surgeon on my own merit and you'll still be here. And if you're lucky enough you'll still be living off Dr. Herzberg's fame although they say he doesn't keep women around for long so enjoy it while it lasts cause it won't last forever." Jess kept walking out and I couldn't argue or I didn't want to, I was still trying to deal with the fact both of them were gone.
The Pediatric part of the hospital had this fragile ambience of new birthed life which oddly enough I found refreshing, as if by being there, talking to them I could be just part of a miracle, not the miracle of recreating but creating new life. Many people said babies all looked the same though seeing so many over the years I knew that was nowhere near the truth, every noise was different. Every little coo or cry specific to their voice, to who they were yet going to be and it was just a matter of who took home the miracle would also decide what this newly out of the over grey bowl of clay would become. Strange the responsibilities we have over others, to make them smile or cry, to make them feel protected or unsafe, to love or make them unlovable. Maybe that's why I never asked for a miracle, I was afraid what it would become if it landed on my hands.
