On The Edge Of Falling

I'm Coming Home

"Addy, wake up." I heard a quiet voice, as I was being awoken by a gentle shake of my shoulders. I grunted, and groaned, not ready to accept the fact that I had to get ready to leave. "Addy, wake up, we have to be at the airport in forty minutes." I opened my eyes to the sight of that handsome face smiling back at me. His eyes were soft, and the grin he wore was calm, and sweet. I smiled back at him. "Good morning, sunshine." Zak said.
"Mmm, I love waking up to your face." I whispered, still not fully awake enough to comprehend what just poured out of my exhausted mouth. Zak's happy grin turned into a sympathetic one, as he bowed his head and sighed. Hearing that come from my mouth saddened him. Now, he knew that I truly did want to be with him, as much as he wanted to be with me.
"What did you say?" Zak asked. My eyes widened, as I finally realized that I had said the phrase out loud. Instead of explaining myself, I decided to climb out of bed and shuffle my way to my bathroom. Zak, who was knelt down beside my bed, stood and tried to follow me, until I slammed the door in his face. "Addy..." Zak said, as he knocked on the door. I felt the vibration from his fist, while my back was pressed against the other side. I sealed my lips and tried my best to breathe through the tears that wanted to fall. "Please, talk to me." Zak begged. I swung the door open and my eyes met his. I was able to keep my composure long enough to explain myself.
"Talk about what?"
"What you just said."
"I didn't say anything."
"Addy, don't do this. You said you loved waking up to my face." Zak chuckled, as he spoke. As if he thought my denial was humorous in a way. "Just admit it, if you want to be with me. Please, just tell me now, before I move on completely." I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, like Zak was holding my head under water, watching me sink, and just waiting for me to fight and emerge.
"I think it's time we both completely moved on." I admitted, truly believing that he would be happier with Lindsey. She made him happy. All I did was drive him crazy.
"Alright, fine. Get dressed. We're going to be late." Zak said, harshly before he walked out and that was it. Like watching Rose let go of Jack, letting him sink down into the cold waters. I was done fighting for breath. Zak let me go, watching the bubbles shoot from my nose, as I sunk. Which, is exactly how I felt, as I slammed the door, and let my body slide down to the floor, finally allowing the tears to flow.
I met Zak outside. He was already sitting in the drivers seat, as Gracie sat in the back with her head pointed towards the warm air coming through the sunroof. Zak popped the trunk and casually stepped out. He snatched the suitcase from my grasp and threw it in the trunk. I didn't need to ask what was bothering him, I knew I was the reason. We simultaneously sat in the car, but before he shifted into drive, I placed my hand over his. "Zak, I'm sorry. I..."
"No, don't. Seriously, Addilyn! I'm done!" The intensity of Zak's voice startled me. I jumped in my seat, nearly hitting my head on the window. "I can't keep doing this! I can't keep lying awake wondering if you're going to be with me! I wake up every morning thinking, is this the day that she is going to admit it? You act like you can't live without me one minute, and then the next minute you take it all back! I can't take it anymore, Addy! You are driving me fucking crazy! I care about you, okay? I care about you, but I can't handle this. I'm moving on. I am moving the hell on and either you can do the same and just be my assistant, or you can stay in St. Louis with your mom. Do you understand me?"
"Yes." I whispered.
We arrived at the airport, and I was still red with shame. I felt as though I was just yelled at and humiliated like a child. As soon as Zak pulled to the curb, I stepped out, slamming his precious car door. Zak retrieved my suitcase from me and I quickly took it and walked towards the doors. "Addy!" Zak yelled, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. Although, I never turned to look at him. He inched closer to me and unexpectedly pulled me in towards him, pressing his body against mine. I was immediately taken by his lips firmly locking with mine. At one point I even tried to step away, but he held on tight.
As Zak pulled away from me, he pushed himself off and kept his cold expression. "I just wanted to do that before I moved on." Zak said, before he walked back to his car. The loud roar of his engine faded into the distance, as he drove away. Leaving me helplessly standing on the sidewalk alone. The numerous stares I received from others were quite intimidating, causing me to rush to my plane, as fast as I could.
My heart fluttered, as we flew towards the city. My body was filled warmth, and happiness, as I saw the Arch growing larger. I was finally home. I knew my mom was anxiously awaiting my arrival, and I was actually excited about seeing her. Sure, her overprotective nature got annoying from time to time, but anything was better than having to be with Zak and our constant tension.
The plane shook during the rough landing. That was always the scariest part for me. I didn't mind taking off, or the actual flight, but speeding towards the concrete was a bit unnerving. I told my mother not to worry about picking me up because there was still one stop I had to make. I stood on the sidewalk outside my apartment complex, or what was left of it. A pile of black, ashy ruble still covered the lawn. The only thing left of my building were some half standing bricks and bits of wooden frames. Tears streamed down my flushed cheeks. I was more saddened by the many families who were now without their home. My neighbors were good people. Single mothers, trying to do their best for their kids. Parents who worked their ass off, just to pay rent and put food on the table.
A part of me wanted to go visit Jake in prison, but it would do no good. He never listened to anyone. It was always his way, or now way. Which, was why our relationship was so terrible. I just had a strong need to go tell him that I hoped he dropped the soap a lot in prison. I finally made it to my mothers house and of course she greeted me with a loud cry and unbelievably tight embrace. It wasn't long after dinner that my emotions from earlier in the day started to show. I went to my childhood bedroom, still covered in *Nsync and Johnny Depp posters, ripped from Teen Bop magazines. As I sat on the bed, my mother stood firm in the doorway, giving me that 'I know something's bothering you' look. "Don't look at me like that, mom. I'm fine."
"Addy, I know I can be a little much at times, but I'm still your mother and I always know when something is wrong, so you might as well spill it." She said, as she sat beside me.
"It's Zak."
"Your boss?"
"Yeah, I think I have feelings for him. Actually, I know I have feelings for him."
"Addy, getting involved with your boss is a bad idea. What if you two were to break up? You'd be out of a house and a job."
"Then I'd get a new job and a house, mom. I don't use him just for a place to live and money. He really is a great guy."
"Okay, then what's the problem?"
"I just don't want to ruin a good thing, I guess. Plus, he sees a lot of women. Before I came along, he had dates all the time, but he never really wanted to settle down. Now, there's another girl who seems to make him really happy. I just...I don't know. It's hard to explain."
"Ultimately, you have to make your own decision, but I will say this, if you have strong feelings, you need to be honest with him, or you will spend the rest of your life wondering what could've happened. You don't want to live with that, Addilyn. I didn't fight hard enough to keep your father and I've regretted it ever since. Do you want to end up like me? An old lonely woman who lives in a big house and the only excitement she has is bingo every Friday night."
"You're a good mom. I would be proud to end up like you." She smiled, as she gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Well, except the lonely bingo thing." My mother laughed and gently slapped my shoulder. As she stood, she gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"And you are an amazing daughter. Get some sleep." She left the room and once again the voices in my head were battling it out. Should I stay here and forget about Vegas, or do I go back and win Zak back? Although, his voice continued to replay in my head. He was done. He was moving on. There was a big possibility that he wouldn't want me when I got back. He and Lindsey could be at a trashy Chapel saying their I dos, as I sit here feeling sorry for myself. My mother was right, wether he wanted me or not, if I didn't tell him the truth, I'd regret it forever.