On The Edge Of Falling

Mr. Teddy

            Zak stood from the bed, excited to rush out into the dining room and tell the rest of the crew about our making up. In that moment, for a reason I couldn't quite understand, I grasped his hand and stopped him from revealing our romance. "What's wrong?" Zak asked.
            "Maybe, we should keep this between the two of us." I said, wearing Zak's same confused expression. I couldn't understand why I wanted to keep it a secret, but something deep inside was telling me it was the right thing to do. Zak released his hand from the door handle, and caressed my cheek.
            "Babe, what are you afraid of?"
            "Nothing, I just...I don't want to deal with my mother getting all crazy with this, and I don't want all the attention from the guys. I just think it's better if we wait until we get back to Vegas, before we say anything." I let out a quiet giggle, feeling quite nervous. I wasn't even sure if that was the real reason. I just had to spit something out to keep Zak from asking any further questions. It seemed to be working, as I watched Zak smile and nod back at me.
            "Okay, we can wait, if you want."
            "Thank you, I really would feel more comfortable with that." I sighed. Zak moved his hand to my shoulders and grasped tightly, as he pressed his lips against mine. "You don't know how happy you're making me."
            "Happy to oblige." I giggled.
            "Okay, just stay in here for a few minutes. I'll go out there and tell them I was in the bathroom, or something."
             Zak gave me one more swift peck, before he made his way to the dining room. The rest of the guys were already shoveling in the heaping amounts of my mothers home cooking. Zak's stomach growled, as he laid his eyes upon the feast of fried chicken, homemade macaroni and cheese, and some fresh, buttery rolls. "Hey, where were you?" Bacon asked, nearly spitting out the chewed food behind his teeth. Aaron curled his disgusted lip, and threw a napkin at him.
            "I was uh, in the bathroom. I couldn't hold it anymore." Zak replied, with an unconvincing nod.
            "Where's Addy?" Billy asked.
            "Um, I think I saw her go into her bedroom."
            "Is she okay?"
            "How the hell should I know, Billy? Jesus, am I doing an interview?" Zak scoffed, frustrated, as he sat down besides Jay and began to pile the steaming food onto his plate. Ms. Reilly gave him a quick glance. A mother always knows what's really going on. It was like a mothers gift, or a sixth sense, if you will. Billy tossed his napkin on his now empty plate.
            "Christ, man. Everyone's really sick of your damn attitude." Billy stood from the table and bowed his head to Ms. Reilly. "I'm very sorry, for cursing, ma'am. The food was absolutely amazing, thank you."
            "You're very welcome, Billy." She smiled.
            "I'm going to check on Addy." Billy said, as he glared at Zak. Zak clenched his jaw, and bit his tongue to prevent from shouting out that everything was fine. He didn't want his crew thinking he was an asshole, but he had to respect Addy's wishes. Billy swiftly found his way into my bedroom. I had to quickly step back from the door, as he let himself in. "Oh, hey. Are you okay?"
            "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"
            "Zak said he saw you come in here. I was just making sure you weren't having a moment." Billy laughed.
            "No, I was just checking out some of my old stuff." I smiled. Billy looked over at the bay window in the corner of the room and walked towards it.
            "Is this the famous window?"
            "Yeah, that's the one."
            "You used to sit right here, and watch the rain, huh? Looks cozy enough." Billy laughed, as he looked at about 40 stuffed animals covering the cushions. He picked one up, a white teddy bear with a pink dress, covered in red roses. "I like this one. Reminds me of you." Billy smiled, as he sat down on the bench underneath the window. My eyes lit up, as I saw what was my favorite childhood bear.
            "Oh, my god, its Teddy." I gasped, as I sat beside him. "He was always my favorite bear. I couldn't sleep without him."
            "It's a he? But it has a dress."
            "I know." I laughed with Billy. "But for some reason I always thought of it as a boy. Teddy. I know, original, right?"
            "Why was he your favorite?"
            "My dad left my mother on Valentine's Day. He had bought this for her, but of course, they got into a huge fight. After he packed up, he walked outside and threw this poor bear on the curb. My mom didn't care enough for it, so I ran outside and picked it up. Held him tight, as I watched my father drive away. I don't know, I guess I figured I'd always have a piece of my dad if I kept this bear." Billy rubbed my back, expecting me to burst into tears, but I was surprisingly alright. I thought about that moment so much that now, it didn't phase me nearly as much.
            "I'm sorry, you had to go through that."
            "It's alright. My mother took good care of me. She always worked very hard to make sure I was happy. Which, is more than I could say for my dad. One day, I woke up and realized that I didn't need a piece of my father anymore, and that's when I stopped needing to sleep with Mr. Teddy here."
            "So, you haven't seen your dad since?"
            "No, um, after I graduated high school, we found out that he had overdosed in a hotel in Houston. I couldn't really be sad, I never really knew him." I shrugged, and gently placed Teddy back in his spot with the other animals.
"You are one strong chick, you know that?" Billy smiled, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
"Ehh, I'm not that great."
"You are, actually."
Suddenly, the bedroom door opened and it was Zak staring back at us. I started to smile, but I quickly stripped it away, remembering that I still had to pretend to play mad. "We gotta go prepare for these interviews, Billy." Zak said.
"She didn't even get to eat, man."
"Well, then she can stay here and eat. We have to go." I rolled my eyes, knowing that Zak was purposely acting like a prick, but I smiled at his very convincing performance. Billy stood up, grunting in Zak's ear, as he walked by.
"Very nice, Mr. Bagans." I said, with a flirtatious wink, as I walked towards him. Zak wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed me.
"Damn, it's been a while since I've heard you call me that. Sounds nice." We couldn't hold back embracing each other once more, but as we heard footsteps coming down the hallway, I quickly pushed Zak off. Aaron peeked his head in.
"Are you guys seriously fighting again? Knock it off, and hurry up." Aaron growled. Zak released his grip and followed Aaron out. I entered the dining room, to find my mother tossing the leftover food into empty Tupperware. The way she was slopping the food like it was junk, had me concerned.
             "Are you okay, mom?"
             "I made this meal for you too, Addy, but you couldn't even stand being around Zak long enough to spend time with your mother? You had to lock yourself away in your bedroom like you were a teenager again? I know I'm not the best mom, but I do my best, Addilyn!"
            "Mom, it's not what you think. I wasn't in there to avoid you. I was going to eat."
            "Then why were you in there?" She asked, as she tightly sealed the lid on the plastic container. I looked out the window to make sure the guys were out of sight.
            "Okay, mom. Zak and I made up." I smiled, waiting for my mom to jump up, and down and shriek with joy. To my surprise, she showed very little emotion. "Did you hear what I said?"
             "Yes, I heard you loud, and clear."
             "Well? That's a good thing right?" I asked, as I followed my mom into the kitchen. She swiftly opened the refrigerator and slid in the Tupperware one by one.
            "If it makes you happy, then it is a very good thing, Addilyn." She smiled, as she shut the door. She walked over to the microwave and pulled out the full plate of food. She set on the kitchen table, and pulled out the chair. "I made your plate."
            "Thank you." I said, as I took a seat. "Mom, I thought you'd be happier. I mean, you like Zak don't you? You two seemed to be getting along great before." My mother sat across from me, and began nervously straightening the place mats in front of her.
            "I like him, Addy. I think he's a very good man. He's handsome, and caring, and I know that he does love you."
            "But?"
            "But now, I'm not sure if you love him as much as you think."
            "Why do you say that?" I asked, as I set my fork down. My once hungry tummy, was now nauseated by the thought of eating.
            "You just seem very unsure."
            "Mom, you couldn't be more wrong. Zak is all I've thought about for months. He's all I want. Ever since, we had our first night together."
            "Is that what you're basing your feelings off of? One night of good sex?"
            "It was great sex, mom. Probably, the best I've ever had, but that's not all I'm basing this off of. I do care about him."
            "Okay, sweetheart. That's all that matters." She smiled. I finally calmed down enough, to take my first bite. It tasted just as amazing as I remembered. "Billy is a nice man. He seems to care a lot about you too." I slammed my fork down once more.
            "I knew it!"
            "What?"
            "You always do this, mom!"
            "Do what?"
            "You always think you know what's best for me! With every boyfriend I've ever had, you always thought you found someone that would be better!"
            "And look at your dating history!"
            "I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. I chose Zak! Okay? Billy is my friend, nothing more! I don't have any romantic feelings for him!"
             "Are you trying to convince me, or yourself, Addilyn?" My mothers question made my blood boil, causing me to toss the full plate of food into the sink, splattering the mac n cheese all over the counter top.
            "I don't love Billy!"
            "Then why didn't you tell the guys that you and Zak made up?" My mother crossed her arms, and waited for my response, but I remained silent. "Listen to me, Addy, if you truly love Zak, I will support you, but I just really want you to be true to yourself."
            "I appreciate your concern, Mom, but I promise, this is what I want. Zak is the one I want to be with." My mom wrapped her comforting arms around me, and held me tight. 
            "I'm very happy for you, sweetheart." She said. I looked over my moms shoulder, Billy was standing in the archway of the kitchen, staring back at me.
            "Hey, did you get something to eat?" He asked, showing more deep concern for my wellbeing.
            "A little. I'm fine, though."
            "Did you want to join us?"
            "You go ahead, honey." My mom said, as she gave me a gentle pat on the back. "I know you have a job to do. Just promise you'll come say goodbye before you guys go back home."
            "I promise, mom."
            Billy and I walked back to the RV. He was curious by my quiet, and awkward behavior, and as he continued to playfully nudge my arm, I continued to ignore him. We climbed on the RV, and I avoided everyone by concentrating on preparing my camera equipment. Billy sighed, as he sat beside Jay and Aaron on the couch. "Hey, man, she okay?" Jay asked.
            "No, I don't think so." Billy replied.
            "Are we still going through with the plan?" Aaron asked, with an excited grin.
            "We have no choice. They have to figure this shit out."
            "Let's do this..."