On The Edge Of Falling

Mommy Dearest

            "Oh, my god, I know where we are!" I gasped, as we approached our destination. There it was, The St. Louis Arch, growing taller and taller, as we drove towards the city. I jumped up and down in my seat, like a child about to go on their first Disneyland vacation. I unbuckled my seatbelt, and rushed back to Billy to give him a tight hug. "I can't believe we're in my hometown! Thank you!"
            "Sorry, I had to keep it a secret, but I thought it would be fun to surprise you." Billy said. I looked over Billy's shoulder into the back room. Zak was resting on the bed, his arm wrapped over his eyes. Billy waved his hand over my face to get bring my attention back. "Why don't you just go talk to him?"
             "He doesn't want to talk to me, Billy, and I don't blame him. I was a bitch."
             "Yeah, and he was a prick. You're even now. You both need to pull your heads out of your asses and act like adults."
             "Thanks for the kind words, Bill." I laughed. My joy was suddenly stripped from me, when Zak stood up and walked towards me. I waited anxiously for him to say something forgiving, as he steadily stared back at me. As he opened his mouth, with a strong look of disdain in his eyes, he said something that was far from forgiving.
            "Excuse me." Zak growled.
            "Yes?" I asked, softly.
            "I meant move." Zak scoffed. I shamefully moved out of the way, so he could make his way to Bacon. As I dropped my head, fighting my emotions from breaking through, Billy comforted me with a gentle touch on my back.
            The RV came to a stop, and I tried peeking out the window to our destination. My suspicions were now reality, as I stepped onto the pavement and looked up at the building. The Lemp Mansion. One of my favorite things about this city. So much history packed into one home. The gigantic brewery stood behind it, still looking as dark, and eerie as ever. "So, you know where we are right?" Aaron asked, as he snuck up behind me.
            "Are you kidding me? It's Lemp! I used to come here every Halloween with my friends." I exclaimed. Zak, who was standing back, keeping his distance, couldn't help, but break a small grin, as he listened to me shout out the overwhelming amounts of history I knew about this place. "My grandmother worked here when it was turned into a restaurant. She used to tell me, and my cousins about the dishes that would randomly fly off the countertop, and shatter on the floor."
            "We already investigated here once. Did you watch that episode?" Aaron asked. I shook my head. Out of all the ones I binged, that one wasn't on the list. "Zak, here, got himself left alone in the creepy cellar and about pissed himself when his flashlight went out." Aaron and the crew laughed, as Zak tried furiously to defend himself.
            "I did not almost piss myself. It was a negative feeling and you guys were assholes and ran out on me. Plus, my walkie wasn't working, and I couldn't find my way out."
            "Bro, you send me in dark places alone all the time. Grow a pair." Aaron laughed. Zak shook it off, and turned his attention to the mini van that was pulling up beside us. My eyes widened, as I noticed the woman sitting in the drivers seat.
            "Hey! Here's your other surprise, Addy!" Billy yelled, as he opened the woman's door. In that moment, I tried to mentally prepare myself, as I watched my mother step out and run towards me. Her loud shrieks and joyful cries caused Zak and the guys to widen their eyes in shock. Her piercing voice was enough to even send the ghost running for the hills.
            "Addilyn!!" My mother cried, as she held onto me tight. "I'm so glad to see you!"
            "Mom, how did you...?"
            "Your nice friend, Billy, called me a few days ago. He said it would be a wonderful surprise!"
            "Did he?" I devilishly grinned at Billy, as he smiled with his thumbs up.
            "We couldn't come all the way to St. Louis and not meet your mom!" Billy smiled. "Ms. Reilly, it is so nice to meet you." Billy shook her hand. "This is Jay, Bacon, Aaron, and this is Zak." Zak forced a small grin, as he took her hand. My mother gave him a crooked grin with a curl of her brow.
            "Oh, so you're Zak?" She said, as she looked him up and down. "You do certainly look like Addilyn's type."
            "Mom, please..." I sighed.
            "Handsome, very well built." She continued, ignoring my wishes to stay quiet. Zak swallowed the nervousness built in his throat, but kept quiet and respectfully let her continue. "Addy always goes for very handsome men, but there's something different about you."
             "Oh, yeah? And what's that?" Zak asked, as he looked past her, at me.
             "You have kind eyes. You seem to be much nicer than all of her other boyfriends. She's a lucky woman." My mother smiled. Zak didn't share her joy, as he frowned and picked up an equipment bag.
            "Not that lucky, I suppose." Zak rudely walked away and entered the building. My mother turned to me, utterly baffled by his statement.
            "He's not my boyfriend, mom."
            "But I thought you went back for him?"
            "It didn't work out."
            "Well, I would know these things if you'd pick up a phone and tell me, Addilyn." She folded her arms, waiting for an apology that I wasn't ready to give. There were just some things that I had to keep from her, to prevent hearing hour long lectures. Billy decided to break the awkward tension, and rescue me from my moms troubling stare.
            "Anyone else hungry?" Billy asked. The rest of the crew raised their hands, and of course, my mother had to chime in.
            "Oh, I made you all quite the feast back at my house! I would love it if you all would come over." She smiled. Please, don't accept. Please, don't accept. I cried over and over in my head. I love my mother, but I was dreading the thought of her sharing her scrapbooks of me, and telling embarrassing stories from my past.
            "No, mom, I think they have to get ready for their lockdown."
            "No, we aren't doing interviews until tomorrow. She made a big feast for us, we would love to come over." Aaron smiled. "We can head over there now, Addy knows the way I'm sure." As we all walked to the RV, Aaron stopped when he noticed Zak didn't come back out to join us. "Shit, what about Zak?"
            "Oh, I'll give him a ride." My mom grinned. I quickly rushed to her.
            "No, mom, I'll go get him." As I started towards the mansion, she grasped my arm.
            "Oh, stop it, Addilyn, I'll be nice, I promise." She pushed me back towards the RV and Billy pulled me along.
            We were already around the block, when Zak walked outside to find everyone gone besides my mother. He looked around, trying to spot the RV, and tried to hold back his anger when he discovered that we had left him behind. "Where's my crew?"
             "On their way to my house. Come on, you're riding with me."
             "No, thank you. I'll stay here."
             "I made a lovely meal for you and your friends. I slaved over a hot stove to make it all perfect. Now, the least you could do was come back and enjoy it with me." She gave him a stare, intimidating enough to push Zak into jumping in her van. The ride was long, and the awkward silence over whelmed the van. "So, since my daughter won't tell me anything, you're going to have to spill the beans."
            "Excuse me?"
            "Why aren't you making my daughter happy?"
            "With all do respect, Ms. Reilly, it isn't my job to make your daughter happy." Zak scoffed, as he steadily looked at the outside surroundings zooming past them.
            "Quite hostile for a man in love." She harshly responded. Zak glared at her, shocked that she would even be able to tell. "What? You think I don't know that look? You might mask your feelings with your cross, and irritated behavior, but I see through it. I know that you care about her, and she cares a lot about you."
             "Really? She sure has an odd way of showing it." Zak rolled his eyes.
             "Addy has been through a lot. Every man she has ever been with has hurt her in some way. Which is why she was so hesitant to get involved with you in the first place."
             "So her ex was a dick? So what? She knew I wasn't like that."
             "That wasn't all of it, Zak. She would do everything for him and he would still treat her like she was worthless. And after growing up watching the way her father treat me, she was kind of branded at a young age to believe men would always hurt her."
            "We all go through rough shit. The only thing to pull us out of it, is to have someone there to make you happy. To treat you right. I did that for Addy and she continuously shut me out."
            "Something tells me that you're pushing blame because you feel guilty." Zak sighed. He still carried large amounts of guilt because of the Lindsey incident.
            "Okay, I'll admit it. I hurt her, but I've tried apologizing, and I'm done now. I'm sorry, Ms. Reilly, but I'm not going to continue to fight for someone who doesn't want me."
            "Don't give up on her so soon, Zak. I know my daughter can be stubborn..." Zak chuckled, knowing that stubbornness all too well. "...but she doesn't need another man running out on her."
             "You know what's funny? I don't usually like settling down with women. I found it to be all too stressful. Having to be faithful to one woman? I hated that thought. I liked my freedom, but when I met Addy, something in my brain flipped. It got to a point where I started to hate that freedom that I became accustomed to. I didn't want to be with anyone else but her." Zak sighed, as she smiled at him. Tears nearly fell from her eyes, and she was finding that she was loving this man more and more.
             "Hell, if my daughter turns you down, I'll date ya." She joked. Finally, Zak pushed out a genuine laugh.
             The crew and I were already parked in the street in front of my childhood home. They guys were steadily rubbing their bellies, patiently waiting for the feast on the other side of that door. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited also. It had been way too long since I've had a taste of my mamas home cooking. "So, this is where you grew up?" Billy asked.
            "Yeah, it's still as boring as ever."
            "I think it's nice. Quiet. The kids are actually playing outside instead of locked in their rooms on social media. I wish more neighborhoods were like this."
             "Okay, Mr. Rogers, calm down." Aaron joked, as we all shared a laugh, but I smiled at Billy. I thought it was sweet how he cared about things so much.
             Finally, my mother and Zak pulled up, and I was completely surprised to see them step out wearing huge smiles, and laughing with each other. I didn't know whether to feel happy, or pissed off that they were getting along so well. He could be friendly with my mom, but not me? "Alright, everyone, let's eat!" My mom exclaimed, as she welcomed everyone into the house. Zak stopped at the door and held it open for me. I stopped, with a stare of annoyance.
            "What are you doing?"
            "Being nice." Zak replied.
            "Why, because my mommy told you to be?" I harshly asked.
            "No, because I want to."
            "Whatever. I don't need you to be nice."
            "That's it." Zak grasped my hand, firmly pulling me into the house. He lead me to the first room he found down the hallway, which just happened to be my old bedroom. He looked around at all the juvenile posters and teddy bears. "Where are we?"
             "My bedroom."
             "Whatever. I'm done with this, Addy. I can't keep doing this. I'm mad, then you're mad, then I'm mad. It's a never ending circle and I can't take it anymore. I know I fucked up, okay. I admit that. Lindsey didn't mean shit to me. She was just a way to forget about us, but even when I was with her, all I was thinking about was you."
             "I don't care about what happened with Lindsey anymore."
            "Then why are you still so angry?"
            "I tried apologizing! You were the one that pushed me away!"
            "You were going to apologize?"
            "Yeah, but then you had to be a dick." I huffed, and took a seat at the edge of my old squeaky bed. Zak slowly walked towards me and sat beside me.
             "I'm sorry, Addy. For everything. I've never had a problem pushing people away, but I can't with you. I literally feel like I can't live without you, and I know that sounds completely ridiculous, but it's true. I don't want to go home, knowing that you won't be with me. I love you so much, it literally hurts."
             "Zak..."
             "Please, you don't have to turn me down right now."
             "But..."
             "Let's just get through this lockdown, and then you can do whatever you want."
             "Zak!"
             "What?"
             "Shut up." I wrapped my hands around the back of Zak's neck and quickly locked my lips with his. Tears fell from my eyes, as the pure ecstasy took over me. Zak pulled me in tighter, and tighter, and tried to keep from ravaging me on my childhood bed. I, being completely lost in the moment as well, almost let him. I snapped back into reality and I separated from him. "Calm down, sparky." I laughed. Zak took a deep breath. "I love you, Zak. I really fucking do, and sometimes I hate it." I laughed.
            "You love me?" Zak smiled.
            "I love you." I repeated, as Zak embraced me again. "And I'm sorry, it took me so long to say it."
            "Don't be. I understand."
            "What exactly did my mom say to you?"
            "Doesn't matter. This is it. Us, together. This is all I want." Zak smiled.
            "This is it."
            "It's funny, it was supposed to be just one night, remember?"
            "How about every night for the rest of our lives?" Zak nodded and passionately kissed me again. "So, what happens now?"
            "We finish this lockdown, and you came back home...with me."