A Month To Live

A Month To Live (40)

Three days.
 
Two days.
 
One day.

The rest of my time passed quite quickly. Too quickly for my liking. Sunday went by in the blink of an eye. We hung out with everybody at George's house but I couldn't really relax knowing that it would be the last time. Monday was a blur too. I could barely focus on class - not that I did anyway - and before I knew it school was already over. Bradley wanted me to come over and hang out but I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was going to be sick.
 
'Why not?' he asked.
 
'I just... have things to sort out,' I mumbled as I leant back against my car.
 
He frowned at me suspiciously then.
 
'Is this about Wednesday?'
 
'I - no, look Bradley, I just have to go,' I said, hurriedly. 'I'll see you tomorrow, okay?'
 
'I... well okay,' he replied hesitantly.
 
And with that I left. The landlord came round asking for the next month's rent when I came back but I had to let him know I was leaving. He seemed pretty surprised but otherwise didn't comment.
 
'Going somewhere?' Tommy asked. Of course he had been outside listening to the conversation. When wasn't he outside?
 
'That's none of your business,' I snapped, letting out some of my misery on him.
 
'I was only asking,' he said, blowing out some smoke and holding his hands up.
 
'Don't talk to me,' I said.
 
'Don't you want to know what happened between me and Bradley?' he asked in a teasing tone.
 
'What d'you mean?' I demanded.
 
'You know what I mean. Bet you're dying to know all about my issues,' he snorted. 'Bradley's too noble or whatever you want to call it. I know he wouldn't have told you.'
 
'That's not a bad thing!' I scowled.
 
'I never said it was,' he replied. 'So do you want to know?'
 
'Obviously I'm interested,' I shrugged.
 
'You shouldn't be nosy,' he replied before disappearing inside his apartment. That made me scowl and slam my own door behind me.
 
And that was Monday over. Another twenty four hours down.

Tuesday was the worst. I barely slept and kept waking up in a cold sweat whenever I did manage to drop off. To top it all off, I had a continuous pounding headache and I felt like I was always on the verge of throwing up. I could barely shower and get ready for school I felt so panicked.

I kept spacing out all day and didn't really talk to the others much. Even though it was probably the last time I'd see any of them. I couldn't do it. Remi and George got pissed off when I barely replied to them. Kyle was quiet too. He never really spoke too much anyway but he was almost silent today.
 
Bradley was making an effort to keep things normal but I knew I wasn't making it very easy for him. I could barely get two words out and I felt my chest tighten whenever I met his eyes. It was fucking horrible. I tried to make sure I wasn't left alone with him all day and I knew he'd clocked on. I could see him getting annoyed but managed to avoid him for the rest of the day.
 
When the final bell rang, I practically sprinted for my car because I was so desperate to get out of there. I paused when I got halfway across the parking lot as I realised I'd never actually be coming back here again. I took a deep breath before turning away and getting in my car. It was odd when you realised you'd never go somewhere again. I hated coming here everyday but it held memories now and as I pulled out of the parking lot I realised I didn't really hate it at all.

By the time I reached my apartment, I'd managed to calm myself slightly by letting my frustration out driving aggressively and attempting deep breathing exercises. I'm not sure which helped more.

'Okay, okay,' I murmured to myself. 'Now just don't think about anything.'

I ended up doing rather pointless tasks to keep my mind busy. I cleaned out the bathroom and kitchen thoroughly, attempting to remove any evidence of my existence. I swept up the living room and opened the window to let in fresh air. Still raining. It had been all week.

I made my way to my bedroom and packed up my clothes into the suitcases. I left out just enough for the next day and some pyjamas for tonight but soon there was nothing but empty hangers in the wardrobe. I found one of Bradley's hoodys and hesitated as I clutched it to me. I hung it on the handle of my wardrobe and sat down on the edge of the bed staring at it.