I'm Yours (On Hold)

Chapter 1

NOTE: Hey guys so I am having major writer's block right now for all of my stories yet here I am coming up with new plots for other stories. Sorry I'll try and update as soon as possible. It is the summer right now so I can update more than a few times a month. I don't have a plan and am winging this whole story. I also can't say when I am able to update because like I said major writer's block but please stick with me. Thank you and enjoy. -Captain

The sunlight filtered through the curtains and I groaned as I peeled my eyes open. This morning was just the same as any other morning for the past two years. It was going to be a dull day and I would probably end up back here doing the same thing before bed later today.

Groaning again, I pulled my legs out of bed and sat hunched over, rubbing my eyes, trying to get rid of the haunting thoughts that plagued my mind. I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen to prepare my tea.

I grabbed the two cups and set one at the table beefore going to my seat. Then I stared across that table and tears filled my eyes. I rested my head in my arms and let the tears pour out of my eyes as I cried over the man I longed to see again.

The door of the apartment opened slowly with a creak as Mrs. Hudson walked in. She hurriedly made her way over to me and wrapped her arms around me. She said nothing as I cried and I was grateful for that because I didn't think I'd be able to talk if I tried.

When no more tears could fall, I looked up and smiled sadly at Mrs. Hudson who returned the sad smile. "You  really need to eat something." she finally said. I shook my head, still not trusting myself to speak.

She smiled warmly and moved into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. I huffed as I lied my head back down. I didn't work anymore. They agreed to still pay me some money so that I could live but I couldn't work. My free money was about to end though with the upcoming new year. I wasn't exactly fired but I wasn't fit to work.

A plate of eggs was placed in front of me and a small plate of bacon along with it. I silently thanked Mrs. Hudson as she left the apartment. I picked at the food for at least an hour before throwing it out and grabbing my jacket and Sherlock's scarf before heading out.

Christmas Eve. One of the most heartbreaking days ever. Today was going to be the day I tell him, even if it's way too late, how I felt about him. The snow slid down my coat and I shivered as I quickly walked to the graveyard.

Once I entered and found Sherlock's grave, all of the cold I felt was gone and nothing was left but despair. I fell to my knees before his grave and a wretched sob escaped my lips. I pressed my head to the headstone and tears streaked down my face.

"Oh god Sherlock. I'm such a mess. I'm so sorry. Why did you have to leave me alone? Life has sucked without you... not one worth living." I whispered. I heard a few footsteps behind me but I ignored it, thinking it was those silly teens who liked making fun of me.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the tiny black box I had gotten a few days ago. I opened the box and picked up the ring. "I wish I was able to tell you how much I cared about you. You were the most important person in my life. I wish you were here or that I had gathered the courage sooner to tell you that I love you."

"This is a crappy first date... I can't stop crying but... at least we're in this together. I miss you so much and I don't know how much longer I can live without you here. It hurts to know that I won't hear that beautiful violin at the ungodly hours of the wee morning. I won't hear your chuckles in amusement and will never see your eyes twinkle when you win."

"I miss everything about you Sherlock and I still find myself looking at your chair and making an extra cup... of tea in the mo-morning." I had to take a few breaths before continuing. "All those times I said we weren't a couple... I never wanted to accept the fact that we could be. I realized, right before you...you... well you know... that I liked you and after you had, I realized it was more than just that."

"I love you Sherlock Holmes and I hate that it took me so long to realize it. I wish I could tell you in person but I'm stuck talking to your grave." I chuckled. "It's quite funny actually but... I want to ask you... well now this sounds so much stupider out loud than in my head... Will you be my husband Sherlock Holmes?" I asked chuckling as tears continued to slide down my face.

A warm pair of arms wrapped around me and I freaked out. I struggled to get away from the person holding me but in vain. He whispered in my ear, trying to calm me down and once I recognized the voice I froze.

My body shook with the sobs that threatened to spill from my throat. He couldn't be here. He was dead. I slowly turned, eyes closed because I feared that he was going to disappear as soon as I opened my eyes.

When I finally did I saw Sherlock, my Sherlock, looking at me with tear-filled eyes and I knew this wasn't real because an affectionate Sherlock is one thing but never in a milion years would you find Sherlock crying.

"You're not real. You're not real. You're dead and just another one of my many illusions. I'm just seeing what I want to see but you're gone."

He tilted my face up to his and I closed my eyes. "Please go away. I know you're not real. Just like all of my dreams, you would never actually be here, touching me as though I was important. Even if you were alive right now, you would never talk to me or look at me the way you are now."

"John... John... look at me. Please look at me. Does this feel fake to you?" he asked but I wouldn't open my eyes. He grabbed my chin again and wiped a tear away from my eye. He pulled me close and I breathed in the scent that was just so inexplicably... him."

I opened my eyes just as he leaned down and kissed me. I breathed a sigh of relief when we pulled apart because it was no doubt real. He was really here and really did just kiss me. He hugged me again after noticing that I was shivering. I relaxed back into him, still not quite believing this was happening.

We sat in utter silence, not the awkward kind of silence but one that's comfotable. Each of us glad the other is there. We sat like that for a few hours before Sherlock finally shuddered and I realized we were still outside in the snow and he had no scarf. 

I chuckled as I wrapped my scarf around his neck. "Let's go home." I said.

"Yeah... home."