I'm Yours (On Hold)

Chapter 13

Sherlock

I slowly sat up, my back and neck aching due to the hunched over position I was sleeping in. Quiet beeping filled the otherwise silent room, the only indicator that he was still alive. He looked so peaceful. I could almost imagine he wasn't lying here in a hospital bed. I smiled slightly to myself, grabbing his hand. He was brave, braver than anyone I have ever known. No one would be willing to do meet someone who continuously hurt them. No one would continue to work on something, despite the pain, so long as others are saved.

My smile fell though. He may be brave but I can't believe he went out and did that by himself. He was lucky that the major arteries were missed. I don't know what I'd do if he actually died and I was slightly angry that he had lied to me about going to find Mary. I couldn't stay mad at him long though so I just rested my head on my hands once again and began to think.

I was so unbelievably happy when I realized John had loved me back. It wasn't until after I had faked my death that I found this out though. It was so hard seeing him break down everyday. I hated seeing him so broken and tired and it was even harder to stay in hiding when he yelled at me, saying how much he loved me and how much it hurt when I left him. I know he was yelling at me, cursing me, hating me but when he said I love you,I felt my heart swell.

When did I start falling for John? Maybe it was at the pool with Moriarty. John had stepped out, saying what Moriarty told him, strapped in bombs and I was scared. This was the man I had come to care for really quickly. He just slid into my life and flipped it upside down. Moriarty knew before I did, that I truly loved John. He told me he'd burn the heart out of me and I realized he meant John and I will admit I was slightly confused but then I realized that I loved John. That's not when I fell for him though, that's when I realized that I fell for him. So when was it?

I thought back to our first case. I had just met this man and he was so willing to jump into danger. He didn't mind my babbling and then random days without talking. He may get annoyed with the violin but he doesn't care. I had just met this man and he worried about me so much that he figured out where I was and shot someone, killing him, so that I wouldn't die. Neither of us knew if I was actually going to or not but he didn't want to take that chance. I then lied to Detective Inspector Lestrade to protect him, which I never did, without thinking twice about it.

John meant everything to me and I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. I grabbed his hand and leaned down, kissing his knuckles. He was so beautiful. I brushed some hair out of his eyes and smiled slightly. It may have taken me forever to realize that I loved him but and I realized that I couldn't be happier. I would do anything for him, and in a way, I already did.

He changed me so much. He made me a better man. Kinder. I was so worried when Moriarty said he had snipers on him and I almost jumped immediately. I would have if Moriarty hadn't given me a disapproving glare. He hated that I had emotions. He hated that John had changed me. So when he killed himself, I couldn't find another way to save him, so I jumped. The result was horrible but at least John had been safe.

I spent two years, trying to get rid of the network for fear of losing the man I loved but it seemed that I had already lost him. He tried to kill himself, multiple times and it was my fault. Now he was here in a hospital bed because of me, because he couldn't let go. He couldn't move on. A tear ran down my cheek and I wiped at it furiously, chuckling. God, this man changed me so much. "Why did you have to go?" I asked sadly.

His breathing picked up and he was whispering something. I couldn't tell what it was tough. I strained to hear him. "Sherlock..." he whispered. God I loved this man so much. He was unconscious and yet he still called out to me. He was a mystery that I don't think I'll ever get to the bottom of but that didn't frighten me. I stood up, leaning over and kissed his forehead.

"I'm here John. I'm right here." I whispered, slowly sitting back down and grabbing his hand again. "The doctor said that everything was going to be fine." I slowly started drifting back to sleep with that thought on my mind, a small smile on my face.

A loud noise woke me from my slumber and I sat upright, quickly, looking around in horror. I was on alert before I realized what the noise really was. "No..." I whispered hoarsely, not believing what I was here. Trying to make myself believe I was dreaming. "This can't be... you're supposed to be okay." I whispered, heart stopping as a bunch of doctors rushed into the room.

I sat shocked. Nothing was making any sense. My vision blurring with tears I refused to shed in front of all of these random people. "What is he still doing here? Get him out!" a doctor yelled but no one moved toward me. He sighed, walking towards me quickly. "Sorry sir, you can't be here." he said sympathetically as a pair of hands gripped my shoulders and quickly ushered me out of the room and into the hallway. My back hit the wall as I tried to steady my breathing.

This couldn't be happening. They said he was going to live. They said he was going to be just fine.

I was vaguely aware of two figures rushing towards me. One started asking me questions but I couldn't understand a word he said. I slowly turned my head towards him and realized it was Lestrade. My brother stood behind him, a little bit of pity displayed on his face.

Tears slid down my face as I cried and sank to the floor, my hands gripping my hair. I couldn't take it. I tried so hard to keep him alive but it was all in vain. I just lost the person I loved the most. I tried to hold back my sobs but I couldn't. Sobs wracked my body and I rocked back and forth, forehead on my knees. Lestrade wrapped a comforting around me, whispering things to get me to calm down but I couldn't hear him.

I shook my head, my chest aching. Please... don't die on me John... I love you too much and I couldn't live here if you were gone. Please, come back.