Reign | b. blake | 4

1.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

-1 Corinthians 13

1.

I've gone through many trials and tribulations. Up in the Ark, down on earth. Through many hardships I've felt pain and sadness, love and loss. I've experienced a plethora of emotions not just through the hard times but the good times, the rarity of them at least. I made it out alive through every problem I have faced. I found a solution to every problem handed to me. Sometimes they weren't problems sometimes they were just questions that were hard to answer. Harder than most. I want to say I see things black and white, but I've come to realize everything down here is just grey. And sometimes problems aren't going to have a black or white solution. Sometimes questions aren't going to have a black or white answer. There is going to be grey areas as evil as it may seem.

Which is where I found myself, in a grey area. I knew what I wanted but I also knew the uselessness of what I wanted. I couldn't bring myself to a yes or no. Because it was neither. Okay so maybe it was mostly a yes, but there was something telling me that it's not that simple. And I could give a black or white answer to the question but it would just lead to a grey problem later on.

My emotions were all over the place and I couldn't think straight.
So I said the only thing I could think of.

"I think I'm going to faint." It was true, I was feeling woozy already and then Bellamy drops the single most important question in someones life. It's a lot to take in.

"What?" Bellamy looks worried but also slightly confused. Hell, if he was confused then I was out of my mind.

"I...I think I need some water." I quickly get up from the crate and walk away. I curse myself as I'm leaving because Bellamy just asked me to marry him and I just walked off. Either he's hurt or confused, my guess, a mixture of both. But it was a lot to take in. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with Bellamy, well at least what's left of it. But after finding out the news that radiation is going to kill us, is there a point? Wouldn't it just hurt worse thinking about the what ifs? Because what if we do get married? We only have so little time left, and then what? We just die? It's tragic.

I want to go back to him so badly and say yes but I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Then again, it's not a black or white situation. There's no wrong or right.

I need someone to help me. I don't know what to do, I wish my mom was here. She would know what to do. Even my dad, now that Alie is gone my priority is to find him.

"Hey, is everyone leaving now?" Murphy comes up to me, Emori at his side.

I shake my head, "I...uh, I don't know." I can barely speak right now after that.

"Uh, are you okay?" Murphy questions me curiously.

"I was looking for someone to talk to and you both stumbled into my hands." My breathing is shaky.

"Um, okay? What's up?" Murphy is obviously not good with talking to people.

"Bellamy just asked me to marry him. Isn't it wonderful?" I smile nervously. I think I'm going crazy. Murphy looks at me with wide eyes.

"He asked you to marry him? And what did you say? Why do you need someone to talk to?" He asks confused.

"I didn't say anything. I just walked away."

"Well shit, no wonder you're freaking out." He shakes his head.

"This is wild." He adds.

"Okay, Murphy." Emori places her hand on his shoulder and gives him a look. She then looks back to me. "Do you not want to marry him?"