Hidden Bruises (vhope)

10

It was about a month after that day. My dad got arrested, and is set to the death penalty in a week or 2. I don't remember. I've been living with taehyung ever since. Taehyung thinks im better, so does the rest of my friends. But im not. I've gotten worse. Back when my dad killed my mom, i was able to feel emotions. I was able to feel. Now... It like im numb to everything. So i started cutting again. Cutting to feel. And lucky for me its currently winter, so long sleeves and pants were ok. I cut everywhere. Wrists, hips, legs, everywhere.

No one new of course. After a while when the guys first found out i cut they stopped checking, assuming i was better. They were wrong. But since its been going on so long, cutting isn't enough to satisfy me. That's why im here. On an empty street corner with a 28 year old man. Buying my first pack of cigarettes.

" pleasure doin business​ wif ya" he said with a toothy smile.

" yeah thanks. See you around" i said back.

" yeah". Then he made his way off, probably to sell something harder to someone else. I pulled out the lighter i bought earlier, a plain transparent blacks one. I pulled out one of the cigs and stuck they orange part between my teeth. Holding it there gently, i flicked on the lighter and held it to the end of the stick.

Taking a deep breath in, the ashy taste on my mouth made me cough. And out cam the grey smoke in puffs with the coughs. It tasted terrible, but i loved it. I loved ruining myself. I felt my lungs fill with chemicals after every breath.

Once the smoke ran down to the orange part, i dropped the cigarette to the ground, and stomped it out, then hid the rest of the pack in my jacket pocket. I began my walk home. To my old house.

It was surrounded by yellow tape, but all the police from last week were gone. I walked under the tape, and inti the house. My moms corpse was cleaned up, but i could still see​ the bloodstain on the floor. But i wasn't here for memories.

I walked down to the basement and found the x acto knife that my mom used to use on crafts. When i was really young my parents had hobbies, one of them was beating me. But my mom loved doing paper crafts. My dad would always tear them up though.

I grabbed the knife, and the replacement blades, and stuck them in my pocket with the smokes. Then i went back to taehyungs house. I figured if i was gonna cut, i might as well use something sharp.

I opened the door to find taehyung watching​ tv while his mom made dinner.

" hey hoseok!" he said excitedly, turning off the tv. " how was your walk?". I smiled and answered.

"It was good. I love walking in the snow!!"

" lets go outside and play then!"

" were in highschool and your still saying play" i laughed.

" ok. Lets hang out. Better?" he said. I gave a fake chuckle.

" sure. Just let me get some stuff from our room first" i said. I didn't want to accidentally drop something from my pocket.

"Ok. Ill be waiting" taehyung said. I walked up the stairs to his room that we now shared. I just slept on an air matress next to his bed. I hid the cigarettes and knife under the matress. The knife was in a case so i knew it wouldn't pop the matress. You couldn't even see the bumps through the covers.

I quickly grabbed 2 pairs of gloves, 1 for me and 1 for taehyung, then headed downstairs.

" here" i said, handing him the gloves.

" thanks" he said, taking the gloves and shoving his finger through them. " hey mom!! Were going out for a bit ok?" he yelled.

" k. Have fun" she yelled back.

" bye ms.kim!!" i yelled with false excitement.

" bye hoseok!"