Money Can't Buy Happiness

Chapter 19

"When you left I freaked out then, then he called, and it was just more than I could handle. I grabbed two bottles out of the liquor cabinet and just started chugging. I blacked out, I don't remember when but I did and he was there when I opened my eyes." Katie stopped, trying to compose herself, and refused to look up from her lap. "He was in my fucking house, leaning over me, with a creeping goddamn smile on his face."

She remembered it, despite the copious amounts of alcohol, like it was just an hour ago. Picturing his face made her stomach knot, her heart knocking hard against her ribs, but she continued to go through the day.

"Pope forced me into the shower, he watched me, then he made me eat some crackers and drink water, then coffee," she recounted. "If I wasn't so weak from the hangover I probably would have tried to kill him."

It was better she didn't, she knew that, but she was desperate in that moment. "He finally left and I cried, then I slept. He came back," her voice cracked. "He wanted sex and he got it. After he left I was gutted. That couldn't be my existence, you hating me, Pope having free range with my body and my fuckin' head, so I got drunk, again and I purposely sped into that fucking ditch. I thought I could get into the river, but, ya know, I was drunk and not thinking straight."

Suicide had passed through her mind multiple times but she didn't ever act, she never thought she would, until she was pushed and she was too drunk to be scared of dying.

"I was terrified, I was blind, and I still felt his hands and his breath on me," Katie whimpered. "It wouldn't stop, I couldn't scrub myself clean, and I had no one else. Happy hates me, I hate myself, I can't go to Lumpy, I can't go anywhere."

"You coulda came to me or Tig," Jax sighed. "Kate, come on, we're gonna get you out of this."

"And then what?" She laughed ruefully. "Work as a waitress? Go broke, cause I won't find a job that pays what I'm making now, Jax, we know that. Try to save for a fuckin' therapist so I don't fucking waste away to nothing like some miserable old bitch?"

"We can take care of you until you get yourself together," he offered.

"Fuck that," she snapped. "I haven't had someone take care of me since I was a teenager and besides, if I let anyone help, it wouldn't be any of you."

Jax huffed, "You're impossible."

"Yeah, I've been told," she rolled her eyes.

"Katie?" Tara poked her head in. "Do you have a second?"

"All the time in the world, Doc," she shrugged.

Tara shut the door behind her. "I have some blood results. You may want Jax to leave before we discuss though."

"Nah, its fine, Katie shook her head, "I already know."

"You know you're pregnant?" Tara asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yep," she made eye contact with Jax. "I guess you're both wondering how a pro gets knocked up?"

"Oh, no," Tara tried to hide her interest. "It's none of my business."

"Tell your fucking face," Katie said with a half smile.

Tara chuckled embarrassedly and headed toward the door. "I'm sorry, it just was a bit of a shock."

"Please," Katie whimpered, "You don't have to apologize, Tara." She felt sick knowing Tara actually felt the need to apologize to her of all people.

Tara simply nodded. "You have a few others out in the hall waiting to see you."

"Who?" She showed genuine surprise.

"Lumpy and Happy," Tara smiled. "Happy just got here."

"Can you tell em' to come back tomorrow?"

"Of course," Tara said sweetly. "I'll check in with you later."

Tara left and Jax looked at Katie slack jawed. "Yo, Tara doesn't wanna know but I do."

Pursuing her lips, Katie nodded. "I was on the pill but my doctor changed the script and I ended up gaining a shit on of weight and that wasn't good for business. So, I switched to the monthly shot and it was fine. I missed my last appointment which wasn't that big of a deal. I just made Happy and Pope use condoms, they understood, but I didn't have that option with you, Jax."

"Me?" He stepped back as if he could physically feel the forceful emotion in her words. "Jesus Christ."

"Fuckin' tell me about it," she rolled her eyes. "That added to the reasoning for last night."

Guilt crushed over Jax. "Katie, I'm sorry."

"Don't," she scoffed. "Don't apologize." Katie could see he was still processing the news and she assumed he was also consumed with what she was planning to do. "Don't worry, Jax, I can't keep this baby."

Despite trying to hide it, Katie could see how relieved he was as soon as she said it. "Do you need money?"

"No," she inhaled deeply. "I just need a ride and some uhh, support. I don't want to have to do this, it's not something I ever saw myself doing, but I have to do I need a hug and a hand to hold, if you can."

Jax smiled sadly at that. "Of course. I get it, shit was different I'd love another son, but this ain't right."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "I know."

"You're not telling, Hap, are you?"

"No," she shook her head. "He's fucked up enough over this."

He nodded, relieved to hear that as well. "Our secret, then. I'm kind of glad I got ya back."

"A ho knows a ho," she laughed. "I enjoyed our friendship too and I appreciate your help with this."

Jax nodded again and slowly moved in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "We'll take care of Pope before you're out of here and I'll have one of my guys on your door so he can't make anymore surprise visits."

Katie immediately began to cry. "Thank you," she sobbed. "You have no idea, Jax. Thank you."

"No more crying," he said softly.

"Yeah," she pouted. "Can you uhh, fill Happy in when you see him? Everything except for the uhh, ya know, secret."

"He didn't leave," Jax smirked. "I know Hap. I'll tell him for you, if that's easier but I think you should."

Katie hesitated. "Alright. If he's still there I'll tell him but if not, it's on you."

Jax stepped out and seconds later Happy appeared in his place. "I get why you didn't wanna see me."

"Are you mad I talked to Jax first?" She asked timidly.

"Nah," he shrugged. "I'm surprised you let me in here at all after the shit I said."

"I was surprised anyone wanted to know what really happened," she laughed sadly.

"You made friends," he explained with a little shrug. "Jax said you wanted to tell me what happened yourself."

"I tried to kill myself," she said plainly. "After what happened with us I drank and then Pope showed up and made me have sex with him and then I drank again," she rolled her eyes. "I didn't want to live like that anymore but I was too scared to do anything while sober."

"I'm sorry," his voice cracked as he said it.

"I know but you don't have to be," she sniffled. "I didn't try to do that because of you. It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have said that shit," he was successfully keeping himself from crying.

"I said shit too, Hap," she admitted.

Stepping away from the awkward topic, Happy sat beside the bed and brought up something else that was equally upsetting. "Jax gave me a choice but I want you to pick. Do you want me to stay here tonight with you, make sure no one decides to come by again, or do you want me to go with Jax and Tig to make a move on Pope."

She didn't need to think about it. "Kill that motherfucker, Hap," she said earnestly. "You kill him for me and for you, okay? Promise me you're the one that does it."

He stood up and pressed his lips to hers. "I promise you, it'll be me."