Every Bad Thing

Chapter Thirty-Six

After four long years, I met Silas again. I've played a thousand scenarios on how we'd meet and how he'd treat me on our first meeting after our horrid break up, and that was not it.

I didn't expect him to talk to me. I didn't expect him to be warm to me. I didn't expect him to utter my name again without sounding disgusted by it.

It's like four years didn't happen at all. He acted like I didn't break his heart after betraying him with his best friend. It's like the past four years and what happened four years ago were just a product of my own wild imagination. It's like... he moved on.

And that's the answer. The thought that I never wanted to entertain. I wished for it, sure, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Silas moved on. And I didn't.

I felt like a numb and hallow ghost, following him around the office for hours as he casually oriented me of our tasks and toured me around the office.

I didn't know it was possible to feel hurt and numb at the same time until this morning. It was torture, to carry my armor and stop myself from tearing up, to pretend that I was okay even when the truth is I wasn't. I can't count the times I have to bite my lip and dug my nails on my palm to stop myself from breaking down in front of him.

Lunch time, I spent the whole hour crying my hearts off inside the restroom. I cried. I broke. And I was all alone.

It's so fucking unfair. I was the one who sacrificed. I willingly brought the pain to myself. I ended us because I didn't want to be the cause of his downfall. Ako ang nagsakrapisyo, pero bakit hanggang ngayon ako pa rin yung nasasaktan? Bakit ako pa rin yung lubog na lubog?

He already moved on. Why can't I? Why is it so hard to me when it seems too easy for him?

I bit my lip and stopped the hatred from spreading in my system. It's not his fault. I did this. I deserve this, right?

Hindi ako pwedeng magalit o magtaka kung bakit ako yung mas nasasaktan dahil ginusto ko ito. I was poison to him, so, I ejected myself from his life. Kahit na alam kong mas masasaktan ako... Kahit na alam kong mas mahihirapan ako... Ayos lang. As long as he's okay and happy, right, L?

The whole day was a nightmare come to life. It's like hell visited earth for eight dragged hours just for me.

I've thought nothing but how I wanted to get away from here and go home.

I can't do it. I can't face him and be with him like this. Kapag nagtagal ay hindi ko na makakayanang magpanggap na hindi ako nasasaktan kapag nakikita ko siya.

"Daddy, please, send me to a different company. Anywhere but Dunatos. Please. I promise to work hard if you do." I pleaded as he browsed the papers on top of the table.

"And why is that?" he lazily asked, never looking away from his reading materials.

"I just..." I trailed as I tried to come up with an acceptable excuse. I couldn't. I bit my lip. "Please, Daddy... I can't work there."

He brought down his hand on top of the table and lifted his head to look at me. He was unsmiling and too rigid for my usually playful father.

"You can't work there or you just don't want to work? I'm done listening to any of your reasons, Laurene. Akala mo ba hindi ko alam ang pagsisinungaling na ginagawa ni Hadeon para pagtakpan ka sa mga kalokohan mo?" he pursed his lips, his hard eyes pinned me down. "You're not gonna transfer anywhere. You'll work there until your summer vacation ends and that's final."

His voice was stern. It raised a little at the end, making me flinch from where I was standing. My father deeply sighed and stood up from the swivel chair. He walked towards me. I didn't move or backed away.