Every Bad Thing

Chapter Forty-One

"Bye, L!" my blockmates bid their farewell from the door.

"Bye!" nakangiting sambit ko at muling ipinagpatuloy ang pag-aayos ng aking gamit.

I picked up my phone. A childish pout escaped me when I failed to see a text from him. He promised to pick me up today... Well, he always pick me up naman kahit hindi niya sabihin. Maybe he's driving?

Napabuntong hininga ako. Palabas pa lang ako ng building ay narinig ko na ang malakas na ulan. I stopped in the building's entryway. The rain was falling hard. I grimaced. Wala akong payong. I'll have to wait for it to stop?

All of my thoughts were thrown outside the window when I saw Silas make his way to me. He's holding a black umbrella, protecting him from the harsh rain. A smile freely formed on my lips. I stood up straight and waited for him to come my way.

"Hi, pogi." bati ko. He let out an amused grin before placing a kiss on my forehead. His other hand placed safely on my lower back, staking his claim.

"How was your final exam?"

I smugly grinned. "Perfect, syempre. Magaling yung tutor ko, e."

He softly chuckled and caressed my back, slightly squeezing it after.

Simula nang maging maayos ulit kami ni Silas ay inayos ko ang mga kailangan kong ayusin. I've apologized to my parents, even my siblings, for not being a good daughter and sibling. I'm starting to fix my academics, taking summer class as a start.

Hindi ko pa rin nakakausap si Orion. I tried texting and calling him, but he was ignoring my texts and calls. Sinubukan kong tanungin si Hadeon tungkol sa kanya pero maging kay Hadeon ay hindi ito nagpaparamdam. I tried asking Takumi, too, but he said it's best if I leave Orion alone. Hindi ko naman siya magawang puntahan sa kanyang condo. I know how much Silas won't like it, so I didn't. Ayaw kong gumawa ng dahilan na ikakagalit niya sa akin.

Meanwhile, I'm a work in progress. I can't say that I've fully healed, that I don't have insecurities anymore... but I'm working on it. My inner demons were still hunting me, but it doesn't swallow me whole like it did for the past four years.

I regret the time I've wasted just self-loathing. I hated how weak I've been, giving up just because someone that should have been irrelevant to me, told me that I wasn't worthy. I hated how I let my monsters win. I hated how I let someone else define my worth, when my value should only be limited when I allow it to be.

But pondering on the things I shouldn't have done is useless. I can't change the past. It's done and over with. What I can change is my future... and the only future I have in my mind is with him. I can't have it any other way.

I don't know what I did to deserve him. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya ako nagawang mahalin pa rin matapos nang ginawa ko sa kanya dati. I just hope his feelings for me won't change, because I'm sure mine wouldn't. There will be no one else after him.

I can't tell the future. I will try my best to keep him, but I can't say that we'll be really together forever... Pero alam ko na kung sakaling hindi man kaming dalawa, wala nang susunod. Someone like Silas is irreplaceable. He already got me whole, even the broken parts of me—and if he ever decided to leave me behind, I'll be left with nothing. I'll be nothing.

It's not ideal for some people to love someone with your all. Leave some for yourself, that's what people with their guards up will say. There are two possible reasons why. It's either they've given their all to the wrong person and it burned them or they just haven't found the right love that they'd want to be consumed in.

Natigil ang mga iniisip ko nang saglit na tumunog ang aking phone mula sa loob ng bag. A text message. I looked away from the car's window and glanced at the bag placed on my lap. Bubuksan ko na sana iyon pero isang kamay lang ang nagalaw ko. That's when I remembered that Silas is holding my hand from the console.