Every Bad Thing

Chapter Forty-Two

Silas didn't say anything. Matapos kaming lampasan ni Orion ay hinila niya ako palabas ng gym. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin kaya tahimik na nagpahila ako sa kanya.

He only released my hand when we reached the side of his car. He unlocked it with his key fob before opening the car door for me. Hindi ako sumakay agad. My mouth opened but nothing came out. I released a sigh before slipping inside.

I did nothing but play with my fingers the whole ride. Silas didn't make a move to take my hand like he usually does whenever he's driving. There's a heavy feeling settling in my chest. I wanted to ask if he's mad, but it's already obvious that he is.

Silas giving me the silent treatment is a rare occurrence. Kaya hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko ngayon na hindi niya ako kinakausap. I feel guilty, like it was my fault why he's acting this way, even when I didn't even do anything at all.

We reached the basement parking of his condo building. He turned off the engine I remained unmoving in my seat. Silas didn't throw me a look even when he got out of the car.

I watched him cross in front of the car and walked to my side of the car. He opened the car door and looked at me, but didn't say a word. Kahit na hindi niya sabihin ay alam kong hinihintay niya akong bumaba ng sasakyan.

I got out carefully, making sure not to make a single sound. Nauna sa paglalakad si Silas. He didn't bother holding my hand. It made my heart hurt a little. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung bubuntot pa ako ba ako sa kanya o hindi, pero nang lumingon siya para siguraduhin na nasa likod niya ako ay nag-umpisa agad akong maglakad.

I felt like a child who'd been scolded by his parents. Habang nasa elevator ay nakatingin lang ako sa kamay ko. Nang dumating sa floor niya ay sumunod lang ako sa kanya papunta sa kanyang unit. I hated it. I hated this silent and distant Silas.

I closed the door behind me. Silas never glanced at me. Dere-deretso lang ang lakad niya. Sumunod naman ako. He headed straight to the kitchen. I watched him from a short distance as he opened the fridge and got a glass pitcher.

"Silas..." I started. He silently poured himself some water on a glass, like he didn't hear me call his name. "Hindi mo ba ko kakausapin?"

I uttered the words loud and clear, but he still didn't respond. I clamped my jaw. I tightened my fists as I endured the pain. If I've learned something for the past four years, it is to endure. To pretend that it doesn't hurt even when it's already breaking me inside.

"Should I just leave?" I asked in a clipped voice.

Silas brought down the glass down with a loud thud. His jaw was clamped. Pain was written on his eyes as he stared at me.

"Do you love him?" he lowly asked.

"No! I don't." I strongly exclaimed, my eyes were wide as I violently shook my head.

Silas looked away. I could see the doubt in his face. He's having a hard time believing what I've just said.

I bit down on my lip. There's a burning sensation in the center of my chest. I closed my eyes, only causing it to blur with restrained tears when I opened it.

"You own my heart, Silas. Paano ko siya magagawang mahalin kung nandito ka?" I pressed my fist against my aching chest.

"You've kissed him... Made out with him..." he spat out, like the words were blades sliding through his throat. He looked at me, but I couldn't look back at him. My eyes closed in guilt. "Did you two..."

"Never!" my eyes flew open. I shook my head. My eyes were warm but zero tears fell down. I didn't want to cry. I licked my lips. "I wanted to love Orion. I wanted it to be just him because I wanted to forget about you. Because I thought we can never be together. I wanted to stop loving you-"