Hell Above; Lashton

Chapter 49

WARNING: Includes self-harm.

Ashton's P.O.V

"Caspar? Ashton?"

I harshly pushed away Caspar, and tuned to look at the person. It was Brandy.

"It's not what it looks like he kissed me"

"It's okay. I won't say anything. If you let me keep him, I won't spill your secret"

"You can have him, I'm not interested in him"

I ran away, tears brimming the corners of my eyes.

What's wrong with me? What's happening to me? Why am I suddenly feeling so sad. So horrible. So useless.

I rapidly rubbed my eyes trying to stop the tears.

Why are you crying you idiot?

I entered the car, and pushed the key into the ignition. I started it, and rode to my house. Thank god the streets were empty. I didn't even say bye to my friends.

You're so stupid. How do you even have friends? How do you even have a boyfriend?

I parked my car in the empty driveway, mum must be working late.

I locked my car, and opened the front door to my house.

I ran up the stairs throwing my keys onto the couch on my way. I ran into my room, and sat on my bed.

Loud sobs escaped my mouth, tears and tears spilled down my face. I hugged my legs closer to myself.

I've never felt so alone.

You're pathetic

"Go away" I cried.

You slut

"Stop" I said grabbing my head, trying to stop the voice.

How could you do this to Luke

"I didn't do anything to him!"

He deserves better

I shook my head.

You're worthless

"No I'm not. Go away"

You're the reason he's in the hospital.

"Why are you here!? Go away! Leave me alone! Everything was fine, why did you come back?"

Do I need to remind you how worthless you are? How ugly and how fat you are? You are a disgrace to man kind.

I stood up and made my way to my en-suite. I can't do this, I have to stay strong, for Luke.

Luke will only end up breaking up with you when he sees the truth

What truth?

What you've done to him

My shaky hands made their way to the cabinet. I opened the small door, and grabbed the 'band-aid' box filled with razors.

Destroy yourself, see who gives a fuck

I cried harder as I pressed the metallic item onto my skin, and dragged it across, creating a red line. The pain felt wonderful.

I made another one.

Useles-

Another one

Idi-

Another one

Ugly

Another one.

I kept dragging the metal against my skin, until the voice faded away.

I cleaned myself up, and took off all of my clothes, leaving me in boxers. I slipped on Luke's crew neck, and cuddled myself into bed. I cried myself to sleep.

What have I done?

Luke will hate me.

My mum will hate me.

She thought I was over my depression. She will be so disappointed in me.

I am a disappointment.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Hoping I would suffocate, and never wake up to see tomorrow.

-

Shortest chapter but it had to be done.

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