Twilight Preferences

Screwed Up

Much to the dismay of myself, I forced myself to come to reality that, though Carlisle is loving and gentle, he simply can not have went on forever without killing or harming someone. So please be warned of tears and distress for this chapter

Carlisle ran. He had no idea where he was going or what had actually happened. The painful tearing of his heart halted him mid-step causing him to trip over an over grown root. His entire world swayed and crashed as he harshly smacked into the tree, leaving a large crack within the tree's trunk. But that didn't matter. None of it did.

He had failed. The child was so young and he failed to do the one thing he promised to do; save him. The little boy's painful gasps were embedded in Carlisle's memory. The child was begging to be saved, he was sobbing for it but Carlisle messed it all up. He could remember everything so clearly; the salty smell of the child's tears as he cried out in agony, the little blood trickling out of his mouth as he choked on his blood and most of all, his terror filled eyes as he fought bravely to survive. The child had begged him to be saved, he had begged until his voice couldn't be heard, until he had lost his very heartbeat.

Carlisle dry sobbed, his throat burning with the grief-stricken thoughts that built inside of him. His head ached, but Carlisle felt like that was the least agonizing part of his body. For the first time since he transformed, his eyes burnt with tears. To see such a young child go through that much pain felt worse than his transformation did. He was only six.

Why did he have to fail, he sobbed. He could've saved him. Why couldn't he have tried harder.

Carlisle screamed with agony, ripping away the tree in front of him and throwing it away. His knee's gave out on him and he fell to the ground, howling in pain.

Carlisle felt Y/N through his link before he felt her hold him against her chest.

"Why couldn't I do anything Y/N. He was just a little bo-boy. He h-had his entire life- ahead of him," Carlisle stopped fighting his tears and let them run down his face. "I was suPPOSED TO SAVE HIM! WHY COULDN'T I...........why? Why does God keep hurting me like this? IT'S MY FAULT HIS PARENTS WON'T HAVE A CHILD ANYMORE," he started screaming now. His voice broke in excruciating sadness while his hands found their way into his hair and he started tugging at them.

"I killed him Y/N...I killed him. Why couldn't I have just died instead of him. Why?"

His entire body rocked with his loud sobs and Y/N pulled him closer into her arms.

"I killed him," Carlisle sobbed.

"I killed him."

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  (︶^︶) the power of hiding behind books protects me from all the anger and hatred directed at me due to this chapter 

(✿◠‿◠) i love this so much cuz I finally feel like i'm getting the feel of writing again

hopefully you guys don't kill me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so you see- i gotta go- their calling me- bye!