The Pianist - One Direction

Chapter 28

Zayn's POV

I had never been a romantic person. I didn't believe I had ever had a real, long, serious relationship.

So how do you do it then? When you like someone, and you want to be together with her and you want to go out on dates with her and you want to hold her hand whenever you'd like and you want to kiss her out of nowhere just because you wanted to? How do you do it? What do you say? I had literally no idea.

How did they do it in movies? Somehow they exchanged glances and they just knew. Did Issy know? I was sure she didn't. I doubted she had ever even thought of me as something more than a friend.

I mean, I'm trying to make her realise or understand. I don't know how to take a step. I don't know how to flirt or how you tell a girl you like her and you want to be with her and that you can't stop thinking of her?

I couldn't do it.

She was easily distracted and sometimes I got worried if she didn't want to talk to me or if something was wrong or if she was just thinking of something else. She was totally zoned out in Munich when I went to her room. I was on my way of leaving a few times, because she didn't pay me any attention when I was talking. It was a huge relieve when she said she was tired. Maybe I should've known better. Saying that you're tired is way too often an excuse for being sad or angry. Isabelle did look tired, though and she didn't complain much when I told her to sleep for a bit.

I tried not to be creepy and stare at her, but wasn't it worse to stare at her when she could see me doing it? I could look at her how much I would like to when she was sleeping. I folded her clothes as neatly as I could and hummed a song for myself, with my eyes watching her every other second. The contrast between her red hair and the white sheets was clear and her hair fell in front of half of her face. The hotel room was silent except for our breaths and the sounds from traffic outside. I hadn't been sleeping much that night either and I was finished with putting all of her things in her bag.

I didn't only fold everything, but I also packed everything I could touch without being rude or look through her private things. I was always so scared of her thinking I was annoying or too much or too little or too anything. I wanted her to like me so I was over-thinking everything I did when I was with her. But then I got lost in her eyes or heard her laughter and then I forgot what I was thinking of again and embarrassed myself.

I was thinking about taking a nap myself, but I didn't want to just leave. She would wake up to an empty room and that could be rude. But it would also be rude to wake her up, saying that I was leaving.

Instead of that, I decided to be brave for once and lay down beside her. I wondered if she was sleeping too hard to notice. Maybe she was awake and wanted me to leave?

I couldn't sleep. I was too scared she wouldn't approve of me being there when she woke up. Maybe I was annoying her by staying. She still seemed to be asleep and I really didn't want to move away. Even though we weren't touching anywhere and even though I couldn't see her eyes or smile, being so close to her made my stomach fill with thousands of tiny butterflies.

Her cheek was covered with her red hair. I wanted to pull it back and put it behind her ear, so that I could see her face better. I lifted my hand and reached it towards her face but stopped half an inch away. She could be awake. Should I really do it?

I didn't know what to listen to, which one of my thoughts to follow. I could almost see one angel and one devil on each of my shoulders. One of them told me to get away from there and run away - leave her alone and stop disturbing her because she probably thought I was annoying and nothing more than a friend. The other screamed to me that I should stop thinking and do what I wanted - kiss her and stop thinking about the consequences all the time.