Because She's Different

Chapter Sixteen; Panic ✓

Trigger Warning: the following chapter contains a serious topic held on by the first person point of view. Please read and proceed with caution and read A/n if the chapter captured you.

Ria's POV

It was Saturday afternoon and I locked my door, refusing to eat breakfast with my family. My parents left hours ago for work and my brother was off to bring the others to the house. And I was alone. I stared at my mirror from across the room, tear stains and a pale face.

The mirror I used to watch my mom fix my hair in and smile.

The mirror my dad used as a second persona whenever played when my brother and I were kids.

The mirror I used to stare at and laugh with my brother as we made silly faces.

The mirror I used to look at myself dance to songs with just my underwear and an over-sized shirt and a brush as a microphone when I was home alone.

And yet..

The mirror that showed my imperfections.

The mirror that showed my weakness.

The mirror that showed my disgusting figure.

The mirror that judged and mocked me. Like them.

I scream in frustration as I threw a comb at it, smashing the glass and fell on the ground with a thud. My vision blurred as I hastily wiped it off.

My chest tightened as I sobbed even harder. I repeated punched my chest when it did that. I gasped heavily and shook my head as more words attacked me. Repeating, torturing me more that I already felt. I knew there were so many people who loved me for who I was already but at this moment, they were not stronger than my head's demons. 

I gulped as I remember what a girl said to me in middle school. Nobody would love someone as hideous as you

Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.

My eyes filled with more tears and my hiccuped sobs were the only thing left for me to hear. It's coming back.

I thought I was okay again.

My chest ached again and I screamed as I pulled on my hair. I want this to stop.

I stared at the remains of the broken mirror.

Broken.

Like me

I crawled out of bed walked closer to what remained of my judge. The reflection that mocked me everyday. I took a shard and stared at my wrist. I stared at the scars that had head. It was true that scars stayed after wounds heal. 

Isn't it ironic that I told Julian not to do this then here I am. Call me a hypocrite.

I now know why it's hard to fake a smile. Why our lips quiver every time we force it to smile. It's because emotions come from the heart and when it's sad, you can't just easily force it to smile. You can't do that. You can force your mind but never your heart because you know you can lie to everyone else, but not yourself.

Scarlet liquid stained the floor, reflecting the stain and scar others' words left on my heart and mind. Tears streamed down my face as I felt number by the second. 

"Ria?" I hear a knock from the door and my brother calling out, making me jump in surprise. I stare at my hand and trembled.

I drop the shard and ran to the door. "Yeah?" I called back, but my voice betrayed me as it was hoarse from all the sobbing.

"Are you okay? Did you eat?"

"Yeah, I did" I lied.

"Can you come out here please? I'm worried."

I panicked and thought of an excuse. "I just got up again, I had a-a headache. I'll go wash up first" I lied again and ran to the bathroom, washing the bleeding wound and hissed in pain then covered it with bandage from my medicine cabinet. I looked at the remains of the mirror and thought of an excuse. This was me before, and me again. I lied to them and kept it a secret. There's a lot of things people don't know about me.

The boys were sprawled on the floor and were playing a game.

"Are you feeling better?" Julian asks me with concern drowning in his eyes.

"Did you cry?" Cole examines me.

"Yes and Yes. I'm okay and I was watching a dramatic movie" at least one of those things were true.

"Okay, what movie?" Brian eyes me, clearly not convinced.

"That one dog movie, Hachi," I quickly came up with without skipping a beat. It was a good movie so he has to be convinced.

My brother came out of the kitchen with some soda and hands me one. I decline and just poured some water into a glass and drank that.

I wanted to be back in the comforts of my room where I could just let it out, but I also want to be here where these guys can make me feel better.

I still couldn't stop the fact that I want to be..

Perfect.

Pretty.

Beautiful.

Someone who everyone would love without conditions.

I'm blind because I don't see that happening anytime soon. I know that these guys are hanging out with me because of my brother.

A sad story in two words.

My Life

A/n

14-year-old me had a very hard time writing this [I had to rewrite it because I didn't want to set a bad example or teach people things they should know.]

14-year-old me: "People will want to be perfect or to be pretty. People will keep it in there heads of what's wrong with them. So please, I beg every single one of you to think before you talk to someone badly."

Bullying may be something that's avoidable now-a-days but that's only what is seems like from the surface. People who suffer are actually more quiet because they have a hard time to speak up. You, reading this right now, you may be having a hard time too. Talk to a trusted friend or a trusted adult. It's better to approach professionals about it. Just know that you are not a waste and you shouldn't suffer alone. If you feel fine, ask your friends how they're feeling. Express your love. Who cares if it's embarrassing? What's important is that you let them know they're love. You too are loved. 

Even if you're a stranger to me, author-chan, just know that there's at least one person who loves you and that's me.