Finding Me

The Real Me

Layan's POV

"Wait, wait, wait! Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked confused at the beginning. Samira told me everything. On how she left the house to get snacks, how she bumped into Yusuf and some girl, how they were touchy (more like she touched him), how she rushed off and started hated him, and how he explained it all to her.

"Exactly, as I said." Samira replied.

"How come you didn't tell me?" Fatimah felt shocked and mad.

"I didn't want to tell anyone because I had to confirm even further." she gave us a reasonable excuse.

"Makes sense." we agreed.

We continued to eat under the tree that we sometimes use besides the cafeteria. The bell rang and we all bid our goodbyes. I went to my locker and took my materials for next class.

Samira's POV

The day is over and I went home with my friends. When I reached my doorstep, I waved then went home. I ran to my room since I was tired. I flopped on my bed and stared at the wall next to me. I had thoughts that ran through my head.

'Who is the third wheel in our group? There are at least two people who are more closer than with the other. It's human logic.'

I slapped my cheeks to forget about the thoughts.

"Shut up! You need to worry about things that are important." I said to myself. I then stared at my ceiling. I imagined my ceiling being clear glass so I could see the stars. It would be magical. I looked out my window and could see only one star.

"Screw the society. Because of all these streetlights and car lights, we can't see the stars." I put my head back into my room. "I envy those kids who are allowed to leave their houses whenever they want to. Or whenever they have a successful sneak out. Instead of going to parties, I want to be alone outside under the night sky. Alone for awhile."

This image that I have a me is a fake. The smiles that I give are also fake, even those given to my best friends. The fierce image I show is also fake to cover up my sadness. I'm broken, beyond repair. Yeah, I love my besties and the moments I share with them are true and sincere. But whenever I act lively, that's just an image. I use it so no one would worry about me. Not even my own parents know of this.

I don't feel like the world is sincere to me either. It's like the world itself is against me. I feel the world is rejecting. The first friends I have ever had were Fatimah and Layan. But they were friends even before they knew me.

They found me sitting alone while the other kids were having fun on a field trip in 8th grade. I guess we became friends out of pity. I wanted them to be happy and so I created another version of me.

I look at my surroundings.

Walls. Walls everywhere. One door, one window, four walls.

I just need to alone for a while and not isolated in my room. I need an open area.

A thought crossed my mind. I need to get out of here. I need to take a walk outside for awhile.

I looked at my clock and it read, "10:00PM".

"Great, it's been awhile. Have been lost in thought."

I exited my room and walk over to my parents' room. I could hear my mom snoring lightly while my father snored roughly. I smiled sadly. "I'll be back." I whispered.

After confirming that they were asleep, I went back to my room and wore my sweater along with my hijab. I wore my converse and grabbed my phone. I went slowly out of my room and slowly made my way to the front door.

I stared at my hand barely touching the door knob. I took a heavy sigh. "I'm really gonna do this huh?" I took another sigh. "Well there's no turning back at this point."

I finally grabbed the door knob and turned it open. A gush of cold water hit my face. I took my first step to outside world. It felt as if I hadn't seen outside in my whole life. I chuckled at myself for a second.

"One small step for man, one huge leap for humanity. Did I get it right? Whatever." I whispered to myself. I headed out for the local park nearby and probably might just sit by myself.