Finding it

17

I fiddle with an apple I was going to eat, but my appetite was soon replaced with nervousness. I needing something to do with my hands as I walk over to Connor and Miranda to breakfast. Breathe in. Breath out. Breath in--

Go.

"Hey guys," I say, smiling. Miranda eyes me, already knowing what I am going to do as I confessed all of my feelings about my relationship with Travis to her and Railyn--all except the love part...too personal, even if they are is my sister and my best friend.
"Hey Kates." Connor says as he stuffs a grape into his mouth. "What's up."
"Nothing much, Con, you?"
"Grapes."
I laugh, "Nice. Oh, uhm, I was wondering if you could tell Travis to meet me in front of the third cohort today...after dinner...?"
"Sure I will." He winks at me, as if he suspects me and Travis will do a certain something then. "I see you, Katie."
"Oh my gods, Con, it's not like that!"
"Sure. Of course it isn't."
"Gods, Connor!"
"I'll let your boyfriend know," he wiggles his eyebrows at me.
"Thanks! Come on Miranda." I say, ignoring his facial expression, and I start walking to our usual table. She gives Connor a kiss and then she turns away and walks with me.

"He is on a whole another page," I breathe.
"He is, but it's not his place to tell Travis what you are actually going to do." She admits.
"I know, that's why I will meet Travis in front of the third cohort after dinner today."
"I'm happy that your doing something about your situation. Others would normally just drift apart from eachother until one cheats and the whole thing is entirely, terribly ruined."
I nod. If you are dependent too much upon one thing, you are weak. Be independent, but not alone. Be resilient. "I am too--"
"BOO!"
"--AHH!" I jump and scream at the same time. Slapping a hand to my chest and feeling my racing heart.
"HAHAHA!" I hear laughter coming from behind me and I turn around to see Alex. I slap his arm fiercely but not to hurt too much. "And that, Kia, is how you scare Katie Gardner."

"ALEX!" I scream. "What the heck!"
"Yo, chill Katie! Dude--stop hitting me! Ah!--it was a joke, chill!"
"You--scared--the--schist--outta--me!"
Alex puts a playful arm around my shoulders, "That was the point."
"I hate you sometimes."
"No you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."

We go on like this for a couple more minutes as nobody cares to stop us and eat breakfast in our naturally playful manor. Miranda is chanting for Angelo to stuff as many grapes as possible into his mouth, Railyn and Kia are talking about going shopping at the stores after breakfast, and Alex is there trying to tie his hair into a pony-tail.

"Do you need help with that?" I ask. It's better than doing nothing, plus we have a running joke in which I tie his hair up into a ponytail really tight and he complains.
"No, you do it too tightly," he responds.
"I do it good, though."
"You're terrible."
"Yet the best." I say as he give me the hair tie and I put it on my writs as I go on my knees on the seat.

I comb my fingers through his hair for some time and I notice that his head is starting to get droopy. I move so that look over him and see his face. His eyes, closed. "Alex," I laugh, "wake up."
"Mhm..I'm not asleep.." he opens his eyes.
"Yeah whatever."
I continue combing my fingers in his hair and laugh as he closes his eyes again. When I'm satisfied with the smoothness of his hair, I use the tie and twist the ponytail into place. When I'm finished with tying it I pull on it tightly but not roughly and then I am completely finished.
"There you go," I say and I look to see Alex's face is contorted to a wince.
"Why? Why must you tie it so tightly?" He asks.
"Get over it."

We eat and talk and goof around for a while linger before we have to part ways an go back to our chores. Alex and I head over to the stables, Miranda and Angelo leave to help out at the restaurants, and Railyn and Kia went to go shop.

We work on cleaning the stables as tending to the animals with food, exercise and grooming and for some time my worried and nervousness about speaking to Travis are gone. But nonetheless, hours tick by and soon the shift for stable maintenance come to an end as lunch passes--we have Angelo buy us a pizza--and the amount of chores needed to be done, become lesser and lesser. Eventually, it's time for dinner.

Alex and I walk down to dinner and all of the nerves come back and hit my like a truck. I can't stop fidgeting with the eating utensils and I just can't stop thinking. All throughout dinner I barely eat, but my friends don't call me on it, thankfully. And then all too soon, it's over. Dinner is finished and Alex, Angelo, Kia, Miranda and I head over to the third cohort.

Only to find that Travis is already there. And for the first time in what feels like so long, too long, I have his attention as his blue eyes find mine.

8 • 30 •17
school starts today...yay..
updates are going to be even less frequent than usual  rip im so sorry babes💜
love u