Finding it

35

"HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU SO MUCH" Kia blurts it out as if there was no other way to say it. "TRAVIS STOLL IS IN LOVE WITH YOU! Its actually kind of heartwarming but stupid at the same time because he is such and idiot—BUT KATIE, HE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU."
"What?!"
"The way he looks at you, the way he acts around you, how he doesn't know how to react when around you," She says, back in a normal tone of voice.
"What?!"
"Kat—"
"What?!"
"Okay, stop saying what and I will answer any question you have."

Honestly, on a good day, this would be wonderful news. The reassurance that the person you're falling for feels the same towards you would be great news to anyone and everyone in the right state of mind, but at this point, I am a mix of emotions. My potential ex-boyfriend who I am still falling for is about to go on a double date with me and my possible best guy friend.

My potential ex-boyfriend and my possibly best guy friend seem to strongly dislike each other. One of my best friends is my potential ex-boyfriend's date. And now that best friend is telling me that despite them two going on a date, that my potential ex-boyfriend is in love with me.

My trust is tainted, my heart is in pain and I almost don't know what to think or feel. I've been lied to, I've been hurt, I am hurt, and its caused by a boy that I can't stop falling for. Should I be mad, that this is so ridiculous? Should I be happy that he loves me? Should I be sad that it's like we are just chasing our own tails? Should I be excited for maybe a change is going to actually happen, and for the better? Or should I be scared, because maybe a change is coming, but not for the better? Is it even possible to be one? I doubt it. Because I'm pretty sure that I am all.  Yet, I must keep my head through all of it. If my heart wants to go through with something, I must go through also with my mind, that way at least, I feel somewhat sane.

It's like this isn't even real life, like this is all just some crazy story. A twisted book that I've become a character in, and the author is just toying with me. But this isn't just some story, it can't be. It's not like I'm just going to spit out, some cheesy line like, "But hey, I'm Katie Gardner and welcome to my life!"

"How do you know?" I ask, trying to calm down my heart rate, this is all just so crazy, so twisted up.
"Katie, I am telling you this, because Travis told me so."
"He told you that he loves me?"
"Yes."
"Was it sarcastic?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
She frowns at me, "No, Katie, he was not sarcastic."
"How do you know he wasn't sarcastic?"
"You're kidding me."
"No, Kia, I'm not!" I state, seriously, "Travis a very complected person, very confusing at times. So, how do you know?"
"The night where he 'asked me to  be his date to the City' he made that all up on the spot." She says the part about the City in air quotations. " He was never going to ask me out, honestly, me and him would never work out."
"Why would he make something like that up on the spot?"
"Because he freaked out when he saw you and Alex all lovey-dovey hugging."
"What do you mean, we were just hugging."
She rolls her eyes at me, "Alex has been all up on you since you got here."

"No he hasn't, he's just being friendly." Kia doesn't know he's gay. I cant put him.

"Very friendly."

I roll my eyes at her.

"Whenever we confront him about it, it gets too confusing. Boys can be really confusing."

"Let's not confront him—"I start, "The boy I am falling for has used me in a fake relationship, then made me feel loved, then used me to cheat and is now about to go out on a date with—" I stop myself.

"With me, I know, I'm sorry." She says, "But first of all, it's not even a real date, he just came up with it on the spot, and second—wait what? You guys were in a fake relationship?"

"Doesn't matter. That's invalid right now."

"Fine, sure it doesn't." She says, "But what does matter is that Travis is in love with you, he has been for quite some time, and he's stupid. He made up this date in the spur of the moment, which is stupid he should have just asked to talk to you. He made a bunch of stupid mistakes concerning hurting the both of you, which is stupid because he loves you and wants to be with you.

"Yesterday when Alex poured water on you, you seemed upset, so Alex went to follow you to apologize. I didn't think much of it but then you guys were gone for a while so I left everyone else at dinner  and went to the cohort. Then I saw you and Alex blah, blah, blah, Travis and the whole double date thing we're doing, blah, blah, blah, you remember all of that yeah?"

"Yes." Vaguely. I was sort of in a daze the rest of the night.

"Well after I dragged Travis off her told me how crazy about you he is, how he can't loose you again, how he needed help, to which I supplied him some. This 'date' for instance is the whole plan. You guys will talk—at least, if you want to, thats between you guys—and at the same time, the sooner the weekend is over, the sooner I will be done with dating the idiot thats in love with you and be back on with my normal life."

"Oh of course I want to talk to him, it's just..."

"You're nervous about it—"

"Come on guys!" I hear Alex say. Damn, time flies, it must be time to go. Time to leave for San Francisco.

"Shut up, Alex!" We both shout.

I can't comprehend with all the new information. I look at Kia one last time then mutter something about keeping it in mind. And throw some clothes in a bag including toiletries, a swim suit and some outfits. Then slinging the bag over my shoulder I follow Kia downstairs to where we meet the boys. 

03 . 07 . 18
hey guys, im backkk
i had these in drafts for a while but i just polished them up and lookie lookie what beautiful readers u are to have this kind of cookie
yum yum
-jaz