Finding it

23

Suddenly, the subtlest quirk of his head catches my attention. Follow me, is what the movement meant. I hesitate for a second before mumbling, "I'll be right back," to my table, and following him.

I am several paces behind him and there are a lot of other tables and people standing and walking around, but I never loose sight of him. Even through the weaving between conversations and people, I follow him.

He turns the corner of the Mess hall and finally we are out of earshot of the other demigods. Alone. It's been so long since we have had a good outcome of being alone. Lately, they're ended in arguing. Arguing pursued by tears.

He finally stops and turns around towards me and I take in a closer look at the boy before me.

His hair looks to be a tangles mess, some areas look different, as if he had been pulling on it. His lips are chapped, his face a bit flushed, and now I understand why he has his hood on. His breaths seem to be shaking as if he is nervous. And his eyes--

His blue eyes seem glazed, watery. Their edges, red. From tiredness, or tears...I cannot tell. It could well possibly be both. I have words along the lines of are you okay and tell me whats wrong in my heart, but words siding with you brought this upon yourself in my mind. I say neither, though, as I cannot choose one side to agree with.

I look at him with a guarded expression. And he looks at me with one he can't hide. "Hi." He says, after a couple seconds.
"Hi." I respond.
"Uhm," he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, "h-how are you?"
"I am alright."
"That's good."
"I suppose so."

The silence creeps back in and I almost loose my patience. "Look," I say, "is there a reason you indicated for me to follow you here? Or what?"
"Oh, uhm," Don't get me wrong, I do feel bad for him in some ways. But we've been through so much now that if he wants to say something, he should just say it.
"Travis, spit it out. Say it."
"Okay," he breathes, "are you and Alex a thing?"
I'm taken back. "A thing?"
"Have you two...."
"Have we gotten together? Did we start to like each other? Are we a couple, is what you're asking?"
"Y-yes."
"No."
"No?"
"No, we are not dating."
"Oh, but you guys are almost always together, and you do his hair and people say that--"
I cut him off. "Just because you heard something, doesn't make it true."
"I know--"
"And plus, I would have broken up with you officially before hand." I say. Once the words leave my mouth I can tell how much they have an impact on him. His face, barely noticeable--but I know Travis-- visibly contorts.
"Unlike what I did, you mean?" He breaks the eye contact.
"Yes. Very much so, the opposite of what you had so wrongly done."
His head snaps up in defense, "I understand what I did was wrong. I know that I should have just broken up with Mae if I didn't like her anymore, and I shouldn't have cheated on her. I shouldn't have cheated on her with you because that put you in the wrong spot and you didn't even know about any of it until I blurred it out to you. I know, I know, I messed up big time, and I'm not proud of it."

"Have you owned up to what you have done? Have you broken up with her? Have you done anything to make amends? Regret is one thing, owning up is another."
"No, but--"
"You are just screwing up, left and right, aren't you?" I say frustrated, "and you can't seem to understand how to get anything back under control."
"I want to get everything under control, but at the same time, I know I won't."
"Then why do you even bother, Travis?" I throw my hands up. "Why do you even bother with me--?"
"Because." He says meekly.
"Because, what?"
"Because I need you!" He almost shouts in my face. "Because, you have become part of me! Do you see what I look like? Do you see me? I look like I died and even though I'm dead the pain that comes with life, lives on.
"I don't have to look in a mirror to know that I look like trash, I know my hair is a mess, I know my eyes are puffy and red, I know my face has a bit discoloration.
"You and I both know that we are in too deep to just back away from each other now. To just forget the other is outspokenly not an option for us. And you and I are both tear at ourselves about how we could have been, if I just hadn't messed up. We could have been so much more instead of so much less. And we just can't let go of the us that we were, even in this bad situation that I've created, because we are in too deep."

I am taken back. "This is a hole you have created, and you must get yourself out of. The only way to get yourself out of it, is to get better. You have to own up to what you've done. No buts, ifs or ands. You get yourself out of it, or no matter how deep we are in, I don't think I'll abide to go any deeper.
"Travis, you have become part of me too, a huge part, a significant part, a special part. But I stick to my words. If this carries out for too much longer, it will be only you who is in so deep."

11 • 14 • 17
dun dun dunnn
wuv u all

11 • 15 • 17
e d i t e d
💜