Dangerously Irresistible

EPIGRAPH [PART ONE]

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"IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, SOMETHING HAPPENS BY CHANCE — WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT — SETTING YOU ON A COURSE THAT YOU NEVER PLANNED, INTO A FUTURE YOU NEVER IMAGINED."

~ Nicholas Sparks, a Romance writer extraordinaire ~

Old Nicky was right. Life can change by an event that occurs merely by chance. 

 An incident that you never imagined let alone expected.

 Even my imagination in all its overactive glory couldn't imagine what happened that night. It was completely unexpected. 

 Totally unpredictable.

 And it changed my life, drastically.

 But was it for the better? Or was it for the worse?

 I put forward no claim that my life was great before. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and pretty birds singing above as I skipped down a carefully managed road, my hair flying behind me happily as I happily took in the meadows on either side of the road.

 No, my life was dark. Dreary. I walked down a worn down road with potholes that tripped me up with cautious steps below a dark sky filled with ominous gray clouds. 

 But did the events that occurred that night set me on a different, happier path basked in sunlight or did it set me on an even rougher terra incognita?

 Did the person I meet change me for the better or worse? Were our diverse but strangely similar lives colliding helpful for us or did it just end up ruining us even more?

 I was honestly too bemused to predict the answers to those questions and so had no choice but to wait for the events to unfold and for the answers to reveal themselves.

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"WHEN A PERSON REALLY DESIRES SOMETHING, ALL THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRE TO HELP THAT PERSON TO REALIZE HIS DREAM."

~ Paulo Coelho, Brazilian Lyricist, and Novelist

 My mother loved that quote. She used to tell me that quote whenever I gave up, whenever I failed and whenever I was feeling down because I hadn't gotten something I'd wanted.

 I used to love that quote too. It lifted my spirits and made me happy. It used to brighten my day and made me work harder to achieve what I desired all the while believing deep in my heart that the universe would give it to me. 

 It used to make me admire Paulo Coelho and made me want to meet him and shake his hand in thanks for his motivational words.

 Now? It made me want to fucking punch his lights out! What a load of BS! All the universe doesn't conspire to help a person who really desired something to achieve it —  I don't mean the sexual desires! If it was true, I wouldn't be here.

  Maybe it is true. Maybe it only worked for good people and not for monsters like me, myself and I. 

 After years of fruitless hoping, I decided that it didn't work for people like me. That all the universe conspired to let me not achieve my desires because I was a despicable person.

 I made peace with that — Well, as much as anyone can make peace with the fact that they were going to be miserable for the rest of their life. 

 Then, she came along and she ruined it.

 She made me hope again.

 She reawakened my faith in the Paulo Coelho quote my mother so loved.

 Whether my faith failed me or not seemed trivial.

 Or maybe no one really comprehends the grief of heartbreak until they experience it firsthand.