Josh's POV
"I'm no longer with the Sidemen."
My heart stopped beating for a second. My breath caught up in my throat. My mouth was left hanging open. Tears welled in my eyes.
The rest of the video played on but I couldn't hear any of it. He knows and he goes and does this. He knew and he went and left. He knew and didn't tell anyone where he was.
Flashback
I walked into JJ's bedroom. Today is the day. I can do this. Simon finally worked up my confidence.
"Hey, Jide, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked as I stood in the doorway. My hands were slightly shaking. JJ was laying on his bed, on his phone.
"Sure, what's up?" He said as he sat up and patted the spot next to him. I quickly shuffled into the room and on the bed. I know that he can tell I'm nervous.
"I don't expect you to feel the same and I understand if you never want to speak to me again..." I trailed off, trying to find the best words to use. One of JJ's hands settled on top of my shaking ones. My breathing faltered and I suddenly realized how hard my breathing was.
"Okay, Josh. I don't know what you are going to tell me but you need to calm down. Deep breath in, and out. In and out. Whatever you tell me isn't going to change anything between us, I promise," JJ said and used his other hand to run up and down my back.
I looked up from where I was looking at the floor. His face was so close to mine. His face was filled with worry, for me. I didn't even have time to think before my lips were on his. He was kissing back but I pulled away. I felt my chest tightening and my head was slightly spinning. Tears clouded and blurred my vision.
"Josh, Josh look at me," JJ called. I couldn't breathe. I stood and ran towards the door. JJ was yelling for me to stop but I couldn't.
I ran to my room and slammed the door closed.
End of flashback
Simon later found me having a panic attack in my room. He helped me through it and told me everything was going to be okay.
The next day JJ told us he was leaving and didn't know when he was going to be back. After Vikk and Simon had left the room, I was stood frozen in shock. JJ came to me and wrapped me in his arms. He said that he promised he would be back before he kissed the side of my head and just held me for a while. He eventually pulled away and left. Ever since then I have been shattered. I love him and he knew that, yet he left.
For months I tried texting or calling him and never got a response. I just wanted to know if he was alive or not.
Now he isn't in the Sidemen anymore. He's in America and it doesn't sound like he is coming home anytime soon.
The tears fell down my face and I threw my headphones off of my head. I stood up and sauntered my way to JJ's room. I shuffled over to his bed and buried myself in his duvet. I'm mad at him yet I still miss him like hell. This has become a regular occurrence lately. Whenever I feel a panic or anxiety attack coming on, I make my way to JJ's room and stay there all day and sleep in his bed.
My phone pinged from my pocket. I pulled it out and there was a text from Jide. I didn't even bother to read it and threw my phone across the room. I heard it hit the wall and tumble to the floor.
I let my tears fall freely now. Small sobs escaped my body. I became emotionally drained and felt my eyes droop shut as I fell asleep.
JJ's POV
