JJ's POV
I don't know what to do anymore. Let me give you the rundown.
A month ago, Freya broke up with Josh. It was a brutal breakup. Things were smashed and broken. The worst of hurtful words and names left lips. Hearts and trust were shattered to pieces. Violent actions were used.
All of this, and none of it was Josh. Freya broke a vase and Josh's phone. The vase was thrown at a wall. The phone was slammed to the floor and then stomped on. She called Josh a "useless fag" and told him to "kill himself because he isn't and would never be good enough". Josh was a walking zombie, unable to fight back through the shock and hurt. Then, after everything else, she slapped him.
As soon as she left, I was there to see a broken Josh sitting in the corner, slightly rocking and sobbing. I ran to him and just held him. I didn't know what had caused the sudden and brutal breakup, but it had to be something big for it to be that devastating.
I looked down at his red face. His cheeks were glistening from the salty tears that fell from his eyes. His eyes were wide and bloodshot. His pink lips were parted as ragged breaths escaped his mouth. His whole body shook and trembled in my hold. His right cheek had a dark bruise forming. His left cheek laid against my chest as he sat in shock.
After seeing Josh that broken, I vowed to protect him so that he wouldn't ever have to be broken again. That was a month ago now. Josh is better, but no where near fixed.
I walked out of my room and straight to Josh's door. I could hear distant sobs from the other side as I placed my ear against the wood. Without removing my ear, I lightly knocked three timed with my knuckle.
"Josh, its me, can i come in?" I asked in a light tone. I didn't want to startle him. I got no response except for more sobbing, so i grabbed the handle and opened the door.
I looked around the room, but couldn't see Josh. his bathroom door was opened with the light on. I hurried to the doorway and thats when my heart stopped.
Josh sat on his knees in the middle of the floor. His head was down as tears cascaded down his face. His eyes were trained on the object in his hands. he turned it over in his hands and put his thumb lightly against the blade. He was fascinated, almost in a trance.
"Josh, lets put the knife down, yeah?" I said and made my presence known. Josh's head snapped up to me and he clutched the handle of the knife tightly. He looked terrified. I slowly moved down to the ground.
"I dont want to hurt you, and i dont want you to hurt yourself," I said softly. My eyes never left his wide brown ones. His grip on the sharp object loosened.
"Please, put the knife down, for me," I said as a tear slipped down my cheek. Josh hesitantly moved his hands to the ground. His fingers unraveled from around the knife and trembled as he pulled away. I quickly moved forward and grabbed the knife, making Josh jump back in the process. I stood and placed the knife into the sink so that it was out of his grasp.
I turned to find Josh up against the wall with his legs tucked up under his chin. Tears gushed from his eyes as his body rocked back and forth. I knelt down in front of him.
"Let's go lay down for a bit," I said quietly as my hand cupped the side of his face. He nodded but made no movement to get up. I picked him up under his knees and around his back and carried him to his bed. I gently laid him down and moved to turn off the lights. I sat down in Josh's chair and pulled out my phone. I know that after an episode like this, Josh hates being alone.
I could hear Josh shifting on the bed. I glanced over my phone to look at him. He had curled himself up into a ball on his side. One of his arms was folded under his head while the other was tucked to his chest. His stare never left me. I sighed, knowing what he wanted. A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. I got up and walked to the bed. Josh shuffled more towards the middle as I climbed in beside him.
Once I was lying flat on my back, Josh cuddled up to my side. My arm slipped around him and held him close to me. We were silent for a good while before I had to ask him why.
"Why did you have a kitchen knife, Joshua?" I asked as my fingers started to lightly trace up and down his arm. It was silent until he sniffled and then spoke.
"Nobody cares about me. They all wish I was dead anyways, thought I would be doing everyone a favor," Josh finished. His voice never got louder than a whisper. I pulled him closer.
"Where in the world did you get that ridiculous idea?" I questioned, starting to get a bit upset. Who could possibly make someone think those things.
"Freya was texting me and commenting on some of my videos. Other people started joining in," Josh said and moved the sleeve of his hoodie to his face to wipe away some of the tears. I could kill that bitch right now.
"Why are you listening to her? She obviously doesn't know what she is talking about," I said and watched as Josh shook his head,
"Because she's right, no one loves me or cares about me," Josh said as a sob escaped his lips.
"Josh, that is not true. Do you know how I know it's not true? Because I love you," I said and watched as Josh slowly looked up at me. I leaned forward and connected our lips in a kiss. It was just a simple kiss, but there was so much love and passion in it. I wanted to show Josh how serious I was and how much I truly loved him. I tried to pull away but Josh's hand on the back of my head made our kiss deepen.
When we finally did pull away, Josh started to sob again. I pulled his head to my chest and let him cry as I held him.
"I.. I-I ......almost," he started to stutter out. I shushed him and held him tighter.
"Shhh, it's okay. You almost did, but you didn't, everything is going to be okay, I promise," I whispered in his ear and he started to calm down.
He soon fell asleep, wrapped tightly in my embrace. As I watched him sleep I realized what I had to do. As long as I loved Josh and showed him that he is loved, everything will be fine.
I'm back. I haven't really been in the best mind set lately. I recently got sick with the stomach flu and still haven't fully recovered. Before I was sick, I was already considerably underweight and I lost nearly 10 pounds in two days. It's hard for me to gain weight, so that's one problem. My other problem is that I threw out my back while I was sick and then pulled a muscle again a few days ago and it really hurts and it's hard to get around. All of this has made my mind go to a rather dark place so writing hasn't been the easiest. I'm slowly getting better though and hope to start writing more. I really need some prompts at the moment so if you have any, let me know. I guess that's all for now, until next time, Ilya, bye.
