ᵇʳᵘᵗᵃˡ ; ᵐᵃˡ'ˢ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗ ᵈⁱᵃʳʸ ✓

Dear Diary ➤ Part 45

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If it seems like this is slowly becoming more of a fanfiction than a diary... that's because it is.💀 We're getting close to the end of this book. This book will lead to a fanfiction I made some years ago, but I'm rewriting. We have 4 or 5 more pages to go.
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In the past days, the purple head kept to herself. Despite her heart telling her to patch things up with her friends, her mind told her no. She needed to work on herself first. Self destruction leads to other's destruction.

"You've been avoiding us,"

Mal jumped up, her first instinct being to protect herself.

"Woah! Calm down. Put your eyes away," Carlos held his hands up defensively, ushering for her to sit back down and take a breather.

After realizing who the familiar voice belonged to, Mal sighed like a slight spring breeze, soft and gentle, almost lost against the drone of the traffic.

"How did you get in here? Why are you in here? Did Ben send you? Get out," as the questions left her mouth, she grabbed the boy by his arm and began moving him near the exit of her dormitory room.

Mal didn't want to see the faces of any of her friends. Not until she fixed herself; not until she was ready. What happened to her - what she did - haunted her. She tried taking her life over the situation. She almost left this Earth for eternity because of her emotions and what her emotions caused.

Yes, she wanted to so badly stay angry at them - maybe even a part of her still was. But in moments of overthinking and crying, she knew deep down inside she had nobody to blame but herself.

"I shouldn't have gotten attached," she scolded herself that night.

Carlos removed her hand, "I have my ways. And by that I mean I ask Chad," he answered as she sighed again, trying to hide the stress on her face.

"Evie and Jay... figured it'd be better to send the mouse in as bait...." Carlos continued on, "Not that I wasn't worried myself. Mal, what we did was wrong. We didn't hear you out - it was hypocritical of us-"

"Carlos, I don't want to hear it. You don't understand - none of you understand. And you never will. I'm a mess!" Mal chocked on her words. Admitting it out-loud to somebody else... felt different. Felt like a weight on her shoulder was lifted, maybe not all the way but enough to finally allow her to breathe.

She was an emotional mess. She was a mental mess. She was an overall mess. All because she was attached.

Carlos sat on the floor criss-cross applesauce. As he put his hands in his lap, he watched her put her hands on her forehead in distress. He's seen her upset before. He's seen her breakdown before. This was the calmest mess she's ever been.

It scared him.

"So help me." He finally said.

Mal slowly turned her gaze at him with a frown. Help him? Did he not see she was the one that needed help? Were her friend's always this inconsiderate? How has she not noticed? Was she blinded by love?

"Help me understand - help us understand," he repeated.

The purple-head couldn't withold the smile. That smile was the realest one she's done in a while, for it extends to her eyes and deep into her soul. And yet, her mind was telling her no. Don't do it.

"Mal, we almost lost you. We can't lose you again. We may have a terrible history, but the second we came here we were all each other had. We faced discrimination together; we faced judgment together. We faced your mom together. We faced Uma together... I would hate to lose my sister..."

Carlos stood up and gave her a hug, "Sometimes you just need to be listened to. I understand..." he said as he gave her a squeeze.

Mal stood there with her arms at her side. In that moment of feeling him so close Mal is awake somehow, more alive than she have been in so very long. For there are times she was as a butterfly who yearns for the cocoon, to be safe within walls, protected. 

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