Secret Love Song - Harry Styles Series

Your Fangirl's Showing - Part 11

You weren't exactly sure how you made it from the floor of the lobby to the bed in the hotel room, but that's where you were. The last thing you remembered was walking through the crowd of fans and clutching your chest as you tried to breathe your way through an anxiety attack.

And now, you were laying on the bed with a very worried boyfriend pacing around the room.

"How did I-" You mumbled sitting up a bit.

"Y/N! Oh my god, are you okay?" He said worried, but still keeping his distance.

"I-I think so," you whispered. "How did I get up here?"

"I carried you up here and once you got your breathing under control you just fell asleep," he whispered.

"Oh, I uh... I do that sometimes," you blushed.

"Are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor?" He asked quickly sitting down on the bed.

"No, no I'm okay now," you said. "I just might be a little tired for a bit."

"I knew we should have gone the other way," he sighed.

"It's my fault, I didn't think it would be that bad," you said.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He sighed.

"Yes, I'm fine," you sighed. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I wish you hadn't seen that."

"Why?" He asked confused.

"Because now you've seen that you don't have a normal girl for a girlfriend," you sighed. "That night at the club, when you saw me having an attack, that was nothing compared to this and sometimes they're worse than what I experienced today. Every single one of my exes, when they've seen me have an attack or I talk about my anxiety, they just brush it off like I want attention and then they end up breaking up me or cheating on me when it becomes too much for them," you rolled your eyes.

"Do you really think I would do that?" He asked with hurt in his voice.

"No, but I'm sure everyone is talking about what happened and it's going to be everywhere. Not only are people talking about the fact that you have a girlfriend now, but she's also someone who can't even walk through a crowd of people without freaking out to the point of exhaustion," you mumbled.

"Baby, none of that is your fault," he whispered. "And I would never... I would never break up with you over it and I'm not going to brush it off. What I saw today scared the shit out of me and I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry I scared you," you whispered. "I didn't exactly plan it," you joked.

"Are you seeing someone for it?" He asked.

"I have in the past and I'm taking medication for it. Both of those help for the most part, but there are some things like crowds of people or feeling trapped that trigger me," you said.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" He sighed.

"Because sometimes I'm ashamed of it," you sighed. "People have this stigma around anxiety that it's not real and we're just wanting attention and then you have people who pretend to have anxiety because they think it's a cool trend to say that they have it. I mean everyone has a bit of anxiety in them, but when you have a disorder it's to the extreme."

"I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't come to me," he whispered.

"It wasn't that, I'm just used to not talking about it with people. My friends and family don't really understand and they don't usually care to either," you shrugged.