Landslide: Before (Book 1) (GirlxGirl / lesbian/ LGBTQ)

Chapter Twenty

Hello hello, just a fair warning, there is description of an anxiety attack and other overwhelming feelings. There is also some self-deprecating thoughts and toxic thoughts as well in case that is triggering to anyone. 

Summary: the one with the F 

TWENTY

At the end of the day, I waited in the parking lot for Charlie. Thankfully, we had received the call early that morning that the car had been fixed so our mom dropped us off to get it. I no longer had to rely on friends for rides home, or the school bus. However, I did have to wait for Charlie to get out of work which always took way too long. I sat impatiently drumming my fingers on the steering wheel wishing our parents would get us another car so we didn't have to wait around for the other. They claimed it would be waste of money because we only go to school and work, but it was just very inconvenient for us.

Finally, the passenger door opened and in slid Charlie. She dropped her bag at her feet and clicked her buckle into place before relaxing into the seat silently. She rarely ever spoke to me anymore, not even pleasantries. I had grown used to her silence, so I didn't question it. Instead, I put the car in reverse, backed out of my parking spot, switched gears, and drove off toward our house.

Music played softly through the speakers of the car, drifting around us and filling the silence that always seemed to settle between Charlie and I. My hands clasped the steering wheel tightly, my mind wandering back to the test I had taken. I wondered where I went wrong, where I could have done better. But, I came up blank. I knew all I could on the subjects because I didn't bother to study. Instead, I allowed Violet to invade my thoughts in the moments I should have pushed her out. I was angry with myself for letting it happen. School comes first, at least that's what my mother told me. No matter what else is going on in my life, I was taught to put my school work first, and I didn't this time, leaving a gnawing feeling in my stomach.

"I think I failed my test today," I said to Charlie, my eyes on the road. "Well, I know I failed, I didn't even finish it."

"Mm," Charlie responded

"I'm freaking out. Mom isn't going to be happy with me. Not that she ever is, all she does is tell me how much of a failure I am, and here I go proving her right."

"Mhm," Charlie murmured. I glanced at her in irritation.

"Are you even listening? Do you even care?" Charlie shifted in her seat and looked at me with disdain.

"No," She said cooly. "I don't care about your problems, Emery. You haven't cared about mine, why should I care for yours?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I care about your problems, Charlie! You're my sister," I argued. "You were there for me and I have been trying to be there for you, but you keep pushing me out. What am I supposed to do?"

At a stop sign by our neighborhood I snuck another glance at Charlie. She had gone silent, she was slouched back against her seat with her eyes closed, her face contorted. The last time I saw her she looked exhausted, but now...she looked positively haunting. Her eyes were dull, the bags under them dark and puffy as if she stayed up all night every night, her cheeks were sunken in, her collar bone protruding awkwardly off her body. She looked like a skeleton of herself. If I didn't know any better, I would say this wasn't my sister, my twin.

I pulled the car up to our house, parking in the driveway.

"Charlie," I said, "I care about you, but you're not letting me help."

"There's nothing for you to help me with."

"It doesn't look like you're doing that well," I noted.