What If I Told You A Story? ; Shawn Mendes

25. Thoughts

"The thoughts in my head trick me, sadden me, and cause false hope."

•••

Avelyn

Shawn had got back home three days ago and I was so happy. I mean happy to have him home, I was scared to actually tell him anything involving my feelings for him. I mean Charlie said not to be scared but I was terrified.

Charlie had been my first boyfriend in years. I would not even really consider what we had a real relationship. I mean it was but I didn't have the type of feelings I had when it comes to Shawn. He's that crush you have in school and you're absolutely terrified to tell them because you think there's that chance they won't like you back.

But all your friends tell you not to be stupid that it's obvious he likes you too. Then you start overthinking every little thing he's done for you and start believing it. But then you look at how perfect he is and your late night thoughts are haunting you telling you there's no way he likes you.

You start to see all your flaws and just trying to convince yourself he doesn't like you. Trying to save yourself from the embarrassment of him telling you he didn't like you. Trying to not ruin your friendship.

That's what scared me the most, but today would be the day I faced my fears. I was going to tell him, the whole time I paced my room my stomach would turn. I stared at my phone that was laying on my bed. I then stopped and bit my nail, a bad habit I have when I'm nervous.

"Come on Avelyn it's Shawn, what's the worst he can say? No. But he'll still be your friend." I tell myself trying to reassure myself.

I took a deep breath and walked over to my bed. I picked up my phone feeling the cool case on my hand. I unlocked it and went to my messages, it was now or never can't go back. I needed to tell him.

•••

Shawn🍁❤️

Hey loser what's up?
7:25 pm

Haha well hello to
you too. Uh nothing
I was just at dinner
but I'm heading home.
What about you?
7:26 pm

Uh nothing just cleaned
my apartment. I thought
I'd give my IT addiction
a rest tonight lol
7:27 pm

Yeah I think you
shouldn't be feeding
it as much lmfao
7:28 pm

Don't tell me how
to handle my addictions
mendes. Especially when
you have 7329+ guitars
7:29 pm

Uh it so isn't the same
thing. Anyways I have
to go I'm driving and
well my fans already get
on my ass about snapping
and driving. Don't want to
text.
7:30 pm

Yeah definitely don't
want you texting and
driving. I'll talk to you
soon yeah?
7:31 pm

Always bye x
7:32 pm

Bye x
7:33 pm

•••

Would it be completely insane if I just showed up at his house? Like didn't even text him saying I was going over? Maybe but I mean he said he was headed home. I could take a movie or something and just finally tell him the one thing I've wanted to tell him.

Like a bandaid, just rip it off and get over it. I'll either continue to bleed or heal. I stood up and grabbed my bag and keys before walking out of my apartment. I walked down to the parking lot and unlocked my Range Rover.

I got in and started it up all while repeating to myself that I needed to do this. I needed to finally tell him that I have feelings for him. That I don't see him as just my best friend. Hell I might even be falling for him, I don't know if I am or not. I mean is this what it feels like?

To think about the person when they're not around. Right before I go to sleep and they're the first person I think of when I wake up. The one person I miss just as much as my own family? Hell the person I can see myself taking to family events and introducing to all the people who mean a lot to me.

He hasn't been my idol since 2014, the rest of the years I always seen him as a friend. It wasn't until 2017 that he actually became my best friend. And now I have no idea what he is, he's someone more than all of that. He's someone I don't want to imagine my life without.

As I started to get closer to his Condo, the radio then played There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back. Ironic for that song to be playing as I'm about to go confess my feelings for the exact person singing it. There really wasn't anything holding me back right now.

I then arrived in his neighborhood and started to see his condo come into view. The butterflies in my stomach only beating their wings faster. I thought I was going to puke that's how nervous I was. I parked my car and sat there for a little bit trying to calm my nerves.

God was I making a mistake? No, I wanted him to know. Charlie told me to tell him, that I would be surprised to know he feels the same. So why am I still so scared? My insecurities were playing a big role in all of this doubt.

"Okay you got this! It's so simple, hey Shawn I really really like you. Like more than a friend and I wanted you to know. If you don't feel the same it's fine, but I can't keep pretending I don't like you more than what I show. Oh and Charlie and I broke up but that's another story." I said talking to myself.

I looked at myself in the mirror before taking a deep breath. I got this, so easy. I got out of my car and closed the door before I seen a car pull up. I then realized it was his black Jeep. Perfect timing or I would've looked ridiculous standing outside his condo waiting for him.

He parked his Jeep and I watched him get out. Just seeing him caused me to have a big goofy looking smile on my face. God who even was i right now?

I started to walk away from my car but I stopped in my tracks. I saw him walk around to the passengers side and he opened the door. I then seen Camila get out of the passengers side before he closed it. They both walked up towards his building where his condo was.

They were both laughing and talking, she had his jacket on. I felt the butterflies die and it felt like someone pinched my heart. I tore my eyes off of them and got back into my car. I just sat there and looked straight ahead.

How could I have been so stupid? Did I really think he'd wait forever? That he would just stay single? Oh yeah he was totally going to stand by and watch me date Charlie and just wait for me. Yeah cause that's something people want to do.

My thoughts caused me to think up these stupid impossible ideas. Caused me to have this false hope that we'd somehow just be together and live happily ever after. Yeah right, it was just all in my head.

I missed my chance.

Authors Note//
Uh oh
Oh sorry I was inactive promise I'll go back to regular updates
Wait I don't have regular updates😂
My pattern is pretty unpredictable
Anyways let me know what you think
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚