I CAN'T SAVE US ↠ KAI PARKER

21. the head & the heart

warning; the vampire diaries s8 spoilers ahead

The first thing my eyes meet as soon as I opened them, was the white blinding light coming from what looked like a lamp placed over the bed's headboard and I hesitated for a moment, as my mind tried to unsuccessfully remember how did I end up here and where exactly 'here' was, until my ears finally registered the beeping sound coming from a machine that was standing next to the bed. I was in a hospital? 

I was about to move my hand once I felt the IV drip on the top of my other wrist but I couldn't, it was tightly holding something... someone... it was a hand. I quickly turned, lowering my gaze down to my hand, only to find my fingers intertwined with Kai's fingers and that's when I finally saw him, the bags under his eyes telling me he'd probably been awake for God knows how long, that and there was also the possibility that he might've been crying too. His eyes instantly lit up as they met mine and he gave me a soft smile, standing up to place a gentle kiss on my forehead but I moved away as I felt a sharp pain coming from my ankle.

"What... happened?" I mumbled in a raspy voice and Kai hushed me.

"Shhh, it's okay" he said in a soft whisper, sitting down on a chair next to the bed, which I figured he'd moved there "You sprained your ankle and blacked out on our way to the hospital, when I brought you here, they ran some x-rays... it was more severe than we thought... it wasn't just the ligaments... you fractured your fibula" he continued but I wasn't sure I was fully following what he was saying, I was too drowsy to focus "it wasn't a compound fracture so they didn't need to operate, the doctor just realigned your bone and he placed a splint on your ankle"

"Where... am I?" I asked in such a low tone that I almost doubted he'd heard me .

"Mystic Falls Hospital, in the general ward, room 221 to be exact" he answered, as he ran his thumb over the top of my hand and I looked down at my IV "you're on a morphine drip too, so you can press this if the pain gets too overwhelming" he added, raising up a little white cable that had a small button at the end of it and I stared down at my ankle, seeing the black splint around my lower leg for the first time. My foot was resting on a pillow and I was in a hospital gown, the blanket covering my lower half, and only the top of my injured leg.

There was something I still didn't understand... how on earth had I fractured my ankle? I closed my eyes trying to remember what'd happened but it was a bit too blurry. I remembered running way from something or... someone... Kai. We were fighting and I ran away from him... to get home? but I wasn't too sure if I was recalling the events right, though part of me felt very confident on the little memories I had of it.

Kai had admitted to everything, he'd killed his entire coven, his family... even Jo and Ric's children in the process... he placed the linking curse on Elena and Bonnie... he even got me killed when he supposedly 'loved' me. The more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that his thirst for revenge and anger was all he really cared about, which only made things more tragic and sad than they already were, and I had plenty of sadness my own. His selfish and destructive ways had quite literally ruined my life and I couldn't let that happen again, I owed it to the people I loved, who had also gotten hurt by him... it was the right thing to do.

From what he'd said about us, I'd come to realize that even if we were in love... our love was more toxic and harmful than epic and good... it had caused us so much pain and put us through the worst... not just for us... but everyone around us, as well. It wasn't just me trying to be heartless about all of this or a side effect of the compulsion spell... it was the truth, as much as it hurt to admit it... loving him... was going to be end of me... and him... as well as everyone around us. Maybe that's why I refused to let him or what I felt for him, back in again... I couldn't, not if that meant taking away the happiness of the people I loved... it wasn't fair... it was selfish and stupid. I'd already ruined so many lives... what happened to Elena... Jo and everyone at that wedding... it was my fault... their blood was on my hands too.