I'm sitting on an old park bench the breeze hitting my face. I'm thinking about life. Life is so funny, isn't it?
Just when everything's going fine life throws you into a deep dark hole of madness. It completely messes everything up.
All of your plans.
All of your dreams.
It's quite funny actually.
Your life changes in two seconds.
Maybe it's destiny. Maybe it's not. Whatever it is it's screwed up. If I wouldn't have had that terrible accident, I wouldn't have ended up in that hospital, I wouldn't have met Dean. I wouldn't even know Dean existed.
I wouldn't have gotten in his perfect relationship with Layla. A lot of things wouldn't have happened.
"Aj?"
I look up and see Seth standing up in front of me. "May I?" He asks. I nod my head and he sits beside me.
"Hey Aj. It's a pleasure to see you here. I haven't seen you in a while."
"Yeah. It's been a while."
"Want to talk?"
"Yeah. I suppose."
We stay in silence for a long time. I'm just looking at the trees around us. He suddenly speaks up.
"What's love?"
"Huh?" I ask turning around facing him. "To you. What's love, Aj?"
What's love?
The question revolves around my mind for a while. What's love? What is love? The only thing that comes up to mind when I hear the word love is Dean.
A six foot tall man, with messy hair, little facial hair, and blue ocean eyes.
That's what pops in my mind when I hear the question. It's ridiculous to think that I place the word love on one man.
"I don't know." I finally reply.
"It's okay to not know."
What's love?
"I love my family, my friends, it's hard to explain the word love. It's a thousand different emotions and I don't know how to explain it."
"You said you love your family and your friends well do you love yourself?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah. You love other people but tell me do you love yourself?"
"Yeah."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah." I reply this time a little doubt in my voice.
"Then tell me why do you bring yourself so much?"
"After my accident I ... became self-conscious about myself. I was in a wheelchair for a long time. I felt useless and out of place. I felt like an oddball and then Dean showed up. And he made me feel normal. I liked it."
"And?
"And well nothing. I fell in love with who he is and the way he makes me feel."
"What about now that he broke up with Layla. How does that make you feel?"
"I don't know that's the thing."
"Maybe you just need time to heal you know?"
"Time doesn't heal. That's a lie."
"It seems like it but it does heal, Aj. It's slow and painful but it gets better with time. Take for example your accident. You were in a lot of pain for a long time but eventually it got better. You were able to walk again and be yourself."
"I haven't been myself since he broke my heart."
"I know. Like I said it just takes some time. For now all you can do is learn to deal with the pain. Distract yourself. Be with friends and family. It helps."
"Yeah. I will. Thank."
"You should talk to him you know. He's been asking about you lately. He's always asked about you actually."
"Really?"
"Yes really. I'm not trying to defend him in anyway because he's my friend but I think he really likes you. You can tell when a person is into someone else. You can see it in their eyes. The way he looks at you makes it obvious."
"Oh."
A warm feeling spreads all across my chest and travels all over my body until it gets to my fingertips and the tips of my ears.
I wish I could say I don't feel anything but I do. I feel everything.
Everything at once.
