Kaleidoscope

Chapter 10

I still feel guilty the next day because of all the things I told Luke yesterday. I can only think on how if I'm mistaken, then I might be breaking a bond that means a lot to me. A bond built with trust, effort, and dependability. I just don't want it to disappear because of such a silly thing I said.

It was a Saturday which makes it even more awkward during the day, as Luke goes to job interviews starting from 11 a.m. I keep on wanting to tell him something, but seeing how he seems busy by looking at some documents, I decided to not bother him any further. What if he doesn't want to see me? After all, he haven't approached me today.

It was always him who does the approaching. I always just stayed where I am, as if I already expect him to come out any moment. Did I take him for granted? Only in these times do I realize that I need that kind of support he gives into my life. Just the little "hi's" or "how was your day" or "how are you doing" makes me feel immensely relevant and recognized. The day feels dull without a word from Luke, and I find myself trying to get distracted from thinking too much by going to the library.

It definitely stood out to me when Luke showed me around the house. It was humongous, and the bookshelves and overall atmosphere of the library screams old castle. I closed the door and turned on the light switch, which lit up the fancy lighting in the room one by one. I looked at the lights which flickered, some of them turnt on immediately and others took their time, a few did not even turn on. Again I am reminded on how I felt the moment I arrived in this house for the first time: "it's so luxurious. Am I supposed to be here? How did I even get here?"

I started making my way through the vintage looking bookshelves. The wood of the bookshelves are carved with the types of book they hold, organized from A to Z. Everything looks like they are in place, and there was a layer of dust on almost everything. Luke have told me that they would hire a maid, but he was informed that the house contained a lot of information on things people shouldn't know, so he wouldn't trust a maid to clean the house. As a result, he assigns us to do house chores. The rooms that are often used must be cleaned once every week, while other rooms like the library which we don't really use can be cleaned once a month. Sounds a bit disgusting, but it gets cleaned, alright? I don't have a problem with it either, because less cleaning for me.

The walk through the library was peaceful, as the visuals were magnificent and the smell surrounding me was wonderful. A mix of paper and some other scents like flowers or ink. I read some books here and there, but one book that I read really caught my eye.

It was called Kaleidoscopic World, and when I opened it a note fell. Curious, I read it. It said "In here i'm me, but in there i'm somebody else. A kaleidoscopic world truly, colors blending everywhere. Will the colors take over me and turn me to someone i'm not? But who am I anyway? Thrown away since birth, facing lies each day, smiling fakely, acting nice but cursing people when I'm alone. The colors mix in more and more, and what I wanted to be a beautiful kaleidoscope is slowly turning into black. But i don't fear it. If I can feel this crazy, then my world is crazy. My world is nothing but my silly head, but I can only fight each day."

Was this a part of the story? I highly doubt so. Finding it too interesting and a bit eerie to ignore, I put the note in my pocket and figured I can talk to Luke about it. I hope he does not have anything serious against me right now, as I worry I have driven him away from me. That is the last thing I want right now.

As I walked to my room, I realize once again that I don't have much to do at home. Everybody else is out with their friends or are going somewhere alone.