Kaleidoscope

Chapter 15

Seth passed away on November 11 in Glowing Hearts Hospital, room 43 on 12:23 a.m. He was only 18 years old.

Yuna has been staying in her room everyday, refusing to go out even for lunch or dinner. When any of us came to approach her, she doesn't open the door. If we're persistent, she tells us to go away. Luke refused to tell us about the one time Yuna said something either than "go away" to him through the walls, as he felt it was necessary to keep her need for privacy as she wants it. Out of all of us, Cam is the most affected by it, excluding Yuna. Sana looks strong in fighting this problem, just like how she was in the hospital. She tries hard to cheer up everybody, but I once passed her room and heard her crying alone.

I am in my room, sitting down and staring at the ceiling. For some reasons, it feels right to do so. I still remember Todd's words about Seth: "You think I did it on purpose? Because I tell you, Seth is the only friend I have that will actually stand by me through thick and thin. I would never even think about hurting him"

There is a lot that I do not know about Seth, and even more about Todd. I can't help but think of the possibilities, and what I could've done to make things better pop into my head. Somehow my mind just becomes blank even though it's so full at the same time. Perhaps I'm still in disbelief.

I thought of that day Seth let me hear his thoughts. He told me to keep what was said a secret unless it's necessary to tell. Somehow... I should be a bit more aware than the other people in the house.

But I shouldn't feel guilty about it right? Thinking that itself feels like I have done a crime. The pain becomes stronger, and I clutched on to the blankets and cried.

What could've I done? There are many things I wanted to share with Seth. I never thought that he'd disappear so suddenly.

Todd have not been going to school. None of us heard from him, though I guess we shouldn't expect it either. Cam suggested to call to see how he's doing, but he never replies. Sana then said "pssh, who cares then? Let him be, we did nothing wrong to him."

In this situation, I don't want to try to be cheerful. I keep on staring at the ceiling, until a knock and the turn of the doorknob from my room made me sit up and see who it is.

"Hey. Will it be okay if I come in?" Luke said, one foot in my room.

"S-sure" I replied, surprised by my stuttering.

Well I'm not actually surprised. Luke have been confusing me these days. Not by his actions, but by... How do I say it? The feelings I feel when I'm around him, and after I spend time with him it stays? And when I see him again I just want him to go away because I like the feeling but I also don't at the same time? I don't know how to explain it.

Luke shut the door and came in, then he sat on the couch. "So...?" I said. I still talk to him comfortably but the feeling in my heart is heavy and the room feels tense and intimate.

"I wanted to see how you're doing. You erm... haven't been exchanging many words with me these days. I hope you're okay" Luke said with a smile. 

Is it that obvious that I've been distancing myself from him? Did I offend him? But Luke certainly doesn't look offended. In fact he have been more and more relaxed around me. Maybe I suddenly feel this way because Seth's departure is so shocking and heartbreaking. Maybe I just feel incredibly lonely and confused.

I struggled to let out a response "I'm okay, thank you for the concern" I said. 

"That's great to hear" Luke said, his intriguing dark eyes making me feel all sorts of things "but your actions speak more than words. If you do not want me to be here then I'd leave, but you certainly have been avoiding me or some sort of it" he added "I'm here to talk to, if you're not feeling well." His expression turns grim towards the end of his sentence.