Charlotte & the Seven Frat Brothers

25 (Part 2)

After the fight, I go to the old library and take some time to reflect on what the hell is happening to my life. Seriously, this year has gone from bad to worse. Stepping foot in Croakington has to be the reason behind the sudden shift in my balance between good and evil. I just wanted to keep a low profile. Just keep the house tidy, and clean, and make dinner. Isn't that what the original Snow White did? Not kicking ass and taking names. Or betraying her fellow dwarfs.

It's 2016. Snow White would have never lasted one day in the real world. You're doing great. My subconscious kicks in.

I close my eyes and lay my head back on the couch. I don't know what I'm feeling. My emotions are coming in all at once. I should feel relieved that I finally gave Raven what she deserved, but at what cost? Tears burning my eyes, slide down my cheeks and I don't try to wipe them away. It will be useless and I know it. I shouldn't be crying over anything. I should be happy that I now know the truth. She never was my friend—Raven was a frenemy.

I think it's time I call my mother. She will know what the right thing to do is and how to handle Dean Grey. I can't fight all these battles alone, it feels like I'm losing myself—I'm not being true to who I really am. I can finally admit I need help. I try to sit up, yet the pain in my side won't let me be great. I just lie back again and welcome the tears again.

What a disaster my life has turned out to be within three months.

"I knew I would find you here," I don't turn around, I honestly can't turn around, it hurts to move.

"Just go away, Chase. I don't want to see you right now."

"Ouch Cupcake, I just want to talk to you." He takes a seat on the couch, pulling me into his side. I cry out in pain. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing—I just fell while running this morning and hurt my side."

"You don't have to lie to me. I know what happened and that's why I'm here. No one has heard from or seen you in the last four hours. I knew where you were along, but I know you wanted some time to yourself." How sweet of him.

"Chase just stop with this act."

"What act?"

I push off of him, it pains me to move so much, but I don't want him lying to me--being so nice to me. "You know pretending you care and you don't. You make me feel so special, loved, and wanted, but you really don't feel any of those for me. I want to be with you, I've always had, but Natalia will always be in the picture. You love her and I get it, she can do things I can't and you two have this connection. I just—"

"Why must you insist on pushing me away or making me out to be the bad guy? I can never explain anything."

I stand up ignoring the pain. I just don't want to hear anything he has to say.

"No," he stands up grabbing my arm. "You don't get to run away from me again. That's a nasty habit you have. You run away when you don't want to face your problems or when you get confronted with things whether it's bad or good. Charlotte you have to stop doing that."

"You don't get to tell me what to do." God the tears are about to burst through and I don't want to cry in front of him. "You don't get to tell me anything. I don't trust Raven, I don't trust you—I don't even trust myself anymore. I don't want to be hurt or hurt anyone else. I just can't. Leave me alone Chase."

He pulls me into his chest. I try to tell him to let me go as strong and confident as possible, but the tears and sniffles proven to be difficult. Yet, Chase stood there hugging me, soothing me. He is right, I do run away and it's because I've never had to deal with problems like this before, honestly, the only problem I've ever dealt with in college thus far was what recipe I would make next. I stayed in my bubble, away from guys and drama—I like it that way. I've noticed girls are vicious creatures when guys are involved or when they just want to be bitches. And guys are just the same, but not the frat brothers and here I am pushing them all away and about to do the ultimate betrayal.

"Chase I have to tell you something." I sniffle.

"No let me tell you something first," he takes a step back. "I'm falling for you and I don't ever want you not to feel like you can't come to talk to me about anything. It hurts me to hear that you don't trust me. I want you to trust me." he pauses. "Cupcake, if I would have gotten those letters back then--I know things would have been different." He is right, after everything that has happened with Raven--I know she was sabotaging me back then too. I honestly dont know what I did to make her hate me this much. 

I thought about it for hours and nothing stuck out why. I just think Raven must have a lot of demons she didn't tell me about and in the end, she destroyed our friendship.

"I do trust you, but just not with my heart."

"Tell me what can I do to change that? I need you in my life until my very last breath. I thought I knew what love was before, but this—you, this feels close to it and it scares me that after graduation I will never see you again."

His words struck me right to the core. I felt his words and I knew I had to tell the truth. If his feelings are deep as he says then we can move forward from what I have to tell him. I can't fight this battle alone.

"I have something to tell you and I hope you will still feel the same way about me because I feel the same way about you too." I break eye contact with him and stare out the window.

"What's going?" He takes a step back from me and I can already feel the regret of opening my mouth. He doesn't look at me differently now, but I know when I tell him this everything will change.