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by lovebergio

Dedicated to mmendes1979

by lovebergio

My mom states that she is worried about me.

That I will die alone, and without anyone to love me.

However this might be a bitter pill for her to swallow but, I will DIE ALONE. And choose not to love anyone or anything. So I will be forever single. And I am okay with that.

Therefore I would never confess these feelings to my mom. Because 1) never understand. 2) She would never be able to face me if she knew her son lusted after killing and blood. She caught me one time in the backyard roasting a couple of birds.

Two birds that I searched out to find to break their necks, and watch them die right in front of me. Then I wanted to see how it would feel to see them on fire.

Instantly, she asked a lot of questions. I had to lie, say they got ran over by car or something. Fabrications that was probably never believed. But, she never brought it up again. After that, my mom insisted that I fill my time with a lot of after-school activities.

Which I did. I had to keep her at bay and out of my business. But, still just like water she always crept back into my life and just flooding. Part probably has to do with the fact she is tried to make up for the fact my deadbeat dad ran off with some lady he was working for.

It is okay.

He was never really around anyways.

It never surprised me that he would one day abandoned his family.

But it left my mom in ruins trying to scramble to get back into working again. And then my grandfather died and soon after my grandmother. Which caused her to develop a fear that I would go next.

I made it out alive. Still breathing, and whatnot. So I understand her fears through, but still, she can be fucking obsessive. And I need space away from her.

My mom is talking about driving into the city for dinner. I balk at her and tell it is never a good time. Which she never fights me on, and hangs up the phone.

I wondering what Shawn is doing now. Probably still hanging out with his family again. I get ready, and instantly my mind is in warped mode.

Killing time again.