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"Is it love when you cry, and cry, and cry?" ~Ariana Grande/Macy Gray, Leave Me Lonely
NORMANI
I'm boo boo the fucking fool. BOO BOO.
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She takes me as a joke, she think I don't see shit. Fuck her and her lame ass bullshit.
"Why are you so worried about me being around somebody I work with?"
"There's obviously something there, even if it's not happening and you know this!" I yell.
"Do I really? Or is this your illogical thinking?" She yells back.
"Don't play stupid right now," I say.
"You seriously overthink too much," She says.
"You always think that's the answer to everything I say," I groan.
"Maybe you shouldn't say certain things," She shrugs.
"Fuck you Lauren!"
"You want to? Is that why you got a stick up your ass?"
My jaw drops, "Are you serious right now?"
She nods, "Hell yeah."
I chuckle, "You obviously are not seeing the point."
"Just like this conversation, pointless."
I glare at her and walk away from her, if this continues I'm gonna have to do the one thing I don't want to happen.
**
My cousin furrows his brows at me as he comes into my old room at my parents house. Things with Lauren were gonna continue to get out of control so I just up and went to my parents house.
"Why the sad face?" He asks.
"Why do you think?" I sarcastically ask while rolling my eyes.
"Mani, you been complaining about the same stuff since like what? The last four or five months? Give her a ultimatum or something."
He sits next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders, "Come on yo, something gotta give. I don't wanna keep seeing you like this."
I nod and lay my head on him, "I know Lon."
He rubs my head, "Nah I'm Frank right now girl."
I laugh and push him away from me, "Okay Mr. Ocean."
He laughs, "There goes that laugh. My job as a big cousin is fulfilled."
"Anywayyy," I say.
"Accept it. I'm older and taller," He says.
"Mmh," I say with my lips pursed.
He lightly pushes me and tries to run before I can get him. Ima get his ass.
In the midst of all this, I really think about what happened with Lauren and what Frank told me. I know he's right, and it's time to really break everything down.
Is what we have left, love, when lately she's just been stealing my everlasting peace of mind? All she's made me do the last couple months is cry and cry and cry, I barely cry so that's saying a lot.
I'm really starting to consider just ending all of this, I've been holding on for the sake of the kids and how simple everything used to be. My heart has had enough of all this back and forth, and as much as I love her and want this to work, if nothing changes any time soon that divorce is coming.
None of this is good for me or our kids. If she can't commit to the vows she gave me, I rather her just up and leave all together. Even though it's gonna hurt beyond imaginable.
