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"And it's all because you lied." ~Beyoncé, Resentment
NORMANI
I get home from an appointment for my pregnancy and immediately lay back on the couch, I am exhausted. The baby's still doing good, so hello to that. I'm ready for the bump to form, I wanna feel kicks and all that good shit.
I send a text to my dad asking him when he's bringing the twins back. Him and my mother had them for the last two days and I missed my babies. Through all the mess with Lauren I still didn't tell them everything that happened, they would call me all types of dumbasses and ion even wanna get started on how they would perceive her now.
**
I sit in the kitchen balancing between cooking and helping them with their homework. I remember it used to be this simple, just tracing and counting shit with some coloring.
"Like this mommy?" Amaiyah asks while pointing to it.
I look down at the repetitive letters and most of the work is in between the lines. That's good enough on her part. I nod and take the pencil from her, rewriting it between the lines.
"Ooh, mommy can we go Chuck E. Cheese?" Elijah yells.
"I wanna go! I wanna goooo!" Amaiyah adds.
"After dinner," I say.
Soon enough they finish the homework and the food is done too. Eeoowww, I made that curry goat with rice.
In the middle of me fucking this plate up I see my nuisance walk up in the kitchen like I ain't been take her key. I start choking on a spice and the twins get up and run to her.
"Hey you two," She smiles.
"Hi mamá!"
"What you doing?" She asks them.
"Eating," They say while going back to sit down.
Oh don't worry, I stopped choking on my own. She follows them over here and looks directly at me.
"Hey Mani," She says.
"Hi," I plainly say.
"Before you start, remember I gave my cousin a spare key?" She asks.
I nod and she raises her arms. She takes some of my food and my jaw drops, she knows damn well I don't do that shit.
"You're pushing it Jauregui," I nod.
She smirks and leans on the counter. I roll my eyes and grab her arm, pulling her into the living room.
"What are you doing here?"
She grins, "To see you. Isn't it obvious?"
I grin back, "I don't want you here. Isn't it obvious?"
She raises her eyebrows, "I'm not leaving until we talk."
I laugh, "Lauren get out."
She stays there, "I'm not laughing."
"What is it?"
"Do you think you could forgive me?" She asks.
Here we go again.
"I don't know," I say.
"I know it's not gonna be that easy to forgive me, but whether you wanna believe it or not I do miss you and I never wanted to break your heart. I love you more than anything and I need you to let us get passed this," She says.
"You're fucking joking, right?" I ask.
"No."
I sigh and shrug, "To be honest I can't seem to get over the way you hurt me. As much as I wanna trust you I know it's not the same."
I add, "I'll always remember feeling like I was no good and like you valued everything else more, just based off everything you've been saying."
She nods, "I understand what you're saying."
We stand in silence for a while, just looking at each other. Of course out of nowhere I start to slowly tear up.
"I loved you more than anybody else, I gave you all the good in me. Just for you to throw it all away."
She looks at the ground and says softly, "I know."
"If you want a conversation your eyes need to be up here."
She quickly looks back up at me and mumbles a 'sorry.'
"If something was making you unhappy why couldn't you just tell me?" I ask.
"You didn't do anything. I wasn't unhappy with our relationship," She says while shaking her head.
"You lied to me everyday and I didn't deserve that. I only give you a hard time because I can't act like I haven't tried to forget this, but I'm full of too much resentment," I say.
"I know she was attractive, but I was ridin with you for way too long for you to fuck me over like that. Why did I have to be treated that way by you?" I add.
I wipe away the tears on my cheek and shake my head at how I really started crying.
"I've been crying for too long and I'm tired of it. I know you didn't wanna hurt me, but look now, you did," I shrug.
"I did and I feel terrible for doing that to you," She says.
"I have to constantly be reminded of what happened because you still do what you do with Luke," I say as I continue to cry.
Lauren walks closer to me and wipes my tears while looking in my eyes, "I'm really sorry, I would never want you to feel that way."
I shake my head, "I don't believe you."
She caresses my face, "I've never cared about this stuff, especially not more than you. You're my everting and I don't wanna lose you. Can we please try to work this out?"
I take her hands off my face, "Until I move pass it I'm not giving you an answer. And it's probably no."
She slowly nods, "Okay. Can we at least co parent, face to face and not family parent?"
I sigh, "Sure. We're bout to go to Chuck E. Cheese, you're coming."
She smiles, "Of course I am."
I shake my head and chuckle, she opens her arms and makes a move to hug me. I swerve back and look at her sideways.
