No regrets, No shame, No more pain

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      Your eyes slowly start to come to. Your vision filled with a white room. You started to slowly sit up, you were slowed by the pain in your torso. "what the hell happened?" You thought to yourself. You looked to your right and saw a sleeping Levi holding your hand with a tear-stained face. You raised an eyebrow at this but went to reach over to the left side of the bed and grabbed a glass of water. Something caught your eye, it was your wedding band. That's what reminded you of it all. All the memories slammed back into the front of your head. You were in so much shock that you dropped the glass of water causing it to shatter. You zoned out and stared and the sheets and your breathing quickened. Little did you know that dropping that glass, had woken up Levi from his light sleep. As you sat there panicking Levi slowly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. You didn't realize what was happening, you were only focusing on what HAD happened. "(Y/N)... it's okay... it's over..." Levi spoke to in a gentle voice. That was what had pulled you out of your trace. You slowly looked at him and nodded, "C-can I go to my room?" Without a response, you felt his grip on you loosen and release your body. You looked at him as he stood there with a weak smile and his hand extended out to you for you to grab. You slowly swung your legs over the side of the bed ignoring the pain shooting through your body from your ribs. You gripped his hand as he gripped yours and pulled you up. You placed your feet firmly on the floor and started to tighten up your legs and stood and slowly started to walk to the door. As you two left the all-white room a question came to mind for you. You didn't think about it first it just flew out of your mouth," H-how long was I out..." It was barely audible, you had to be standing right there to hear it. Just how Levi was, "five days you were out..." he answered bluntly and kept walking. Your eyes widened and looked down at your feet as you kept walking, "wow... why so long?" you thought to yourself. Suddenly your feet stopped moving and you looked up and realized that you were already at your office. You watched as Levi turned the knob. As soon as the door had opened you were blinded by the open window in the back of your office. You squinted your eyes as Levi lead you to your office chair and sat you down," Do you want me to shut these?" He asked you with a warm voice. You nodded as you got comfortable in the chair. Then, as if to be magic, the room became as dark as a cave. Your eyes adjusted again. Suddenly you felt a hand be placed on your head. You looked up and saw the soft gaze of Levi as he said," I'll have someone bring you food. Please eat." With that, he was gone by shutting your office door.

-----------10 min later---------

Sure enough, ten min later Connie came in with a tray of food and some silverware. He placed it on your desk, saluted you adding a smile at the end and left. You looked at the tray and nothing seemed apeling to you. Nothing except the razor sharpness of the finely polished steak knife whose blade was facing towards you. You looked at it to what seemed to be a century and thought about whether or not to bring it to your own skin in order to relieve the pain of losing Reiner. After contemplating it for some time, sorting through all your thoughts and emotions, putting them in their place, the one thought that stook was "what other choice is there to soften this pain for me?" Slowly you reached out to the knife and brought it to your pale forearm. After pulling up the sleeve you placed the knife on your wrist and applied pressure. Then you slowly pulled down. With a blank face, you watched your skin open up and separate as the blood rushed to the top forming red beads then breaking at the surface of the straight fresh line on your arm colored in a dark red. What made you most satisfied was watching those beads flow down the side of your arm and seeing them hit the floor. You repeated this motion a few more times. When you finished you cleaned off the knife and set it back down on the now cold tray of food. Like a sloth, you got up and collected a jacket from the closet and sat back down in your chair. "No regrets, No shame, No more pain." You thought as you slowly slipped into a light sleep.

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