Apartment Mayhem

The Past

{WARNING: This is a super triggering chapter! All about Virgil's past! It ain't good! Skip if you must.}

{TW; suicide, physical and emotional abuse, starving, parent leaving/divorce, bullying, and forgotten.}

I close my door and sit him down on my bed. "I don't know where to start," I mumble, mainly to myself, and Roman smiles softly at me pacing.
"Take your time," Roman tells me with comfort coating his words.
I nod and pace, chewing on my stim toy. I stop and look directly at him, "I started crying while watching Big Hero 6 because I can relate with Hiro. I-I lost my brother. He killed himself."
Roman's eyes widen and he turns about as pale as me, "oh god. I'm so sorry."
I take a deep breath and continue, "he killed himself because...because my mother was abusive and he couldn't stand it anymore. I felt that revenge when I saw my mother cry at his funeral. I felt the revenge when I saw my brother's body being taken out of the house.
"My stupid dad couldn't bare it either and left before my brother died. So, it all went on me. The-the yelling and beating and hitting? All on me. Malnutritioned and-and full blame.I wanted my revenge on her so bad, but...I had to make a vow to myself that...that I would make it out the harder way. I wouldn't die. I would live on and get through it.
"It was hard, but I didn't want people to apathetically grieve about the little boy who...who was so quiet. Had no friends. It didn't help with the fact I had bullies at school instead of friends. Yet, I made it to 18 and skipped out of town and found my way for a while before I could enter college. Now, I'm 21 in college. Depressed and full of anxiety, but,"
I take a deep breath and sigh, looking at Roman, "I'm better here with you guys. That's why I said I'd be able to handle pain better than you. I've lived through pain. We're both strong in different ways. I love being with you guys, I love this place, I...I love you. And that's what kept me moving. That in the future, I'd be happier."
I look at Roman's chocolate eyes and I feel my eyes fill with tears. They fall down my face and Roman gets up and hugs me gently. I can feel him radiate with love, support and comfort. I cry harder and grip the back of his shirt. He hums and sways. I can't catch the tune but relax into him anyways.
Never have I ever told anyone about my past because it's too dark for most people. Roman pulls away slightly, tilting his head so our foreheads touch. "Virgil," he mumbles, "that is so brave of you. Braver than I could ever be and I'll be here for you. When you are feeling down or when you're hurt, physically or emotionally. I'm so glad you let that out. You are so strong and you will feel the weight on your shoulders from your past fly off because..because you let it out."
I nod a little and hiccup as I cry, feeling the black eyeliner run down my face. I feel him lead us over to something and he pulls away to crawl into bed. I follow after him. We snuggle up under the covers and I continue to cry into him.
I hear a knock on the door and shudder in my skin before I turn to the wall. Roman gets up and answers the door. I can't hear the talking that well over my whimpering, but I believe it might be Patton. He might just be checking in on us. I hear the door close and I turn back to face him. I wipe my dewy eyes and Roman crawls up next to me. "Is it nap time?" He asks, moving some hairs out of my face.
I nod in response and lean into his hand, loving the feeling of his warm, soft touch. He smiles and kisses my nose before grabbing my computer. I move the pillows so we can rest our heads. He sets it down in front of me and lays down behind me. Lay down and back up to curl up against him. He spoons me as I look up something to watch on the computer. I scroll through YouTube and find GameGrumps. Giggly, screamy guys who make fun of or don't really pay too much attention to a game as one of them plays it. Sure. I press the first episode of Sonic Boom and smile faintly as I hear the intro play. "What's this?" Roman mumbles as he rubs his thumb against my stomach.
"Game Grumps. Just some funny let's players. The one with the deeper voice doesn't like Sonic that much and this game is hella glitchy." I assure him as I feel myself slowly becoming relieved of sadness, for now, that slowly fades to drowsiness.
"Guessing you've watched this before,"
"It's one of the funniest let's plays on their channel,"
"Alright," He hums and kisses the back of my head.
I smile gently and close my eyes. I don't need to worry about my past now. Roman knows and he can protect me from whatever triggers my panic attacks.