A Blind Fall

chapter twenty three

"This is it?"

Josse nodded, his eyes following those of his boss'. "This is it, Monsieur." He echoed, eyes trained exactly where Leon's were; the majestic mansion where his son should be.

Leon, instead of lurching the door open and sprint inside demanding his boy, he slouched in the passenger seat and sucked in air. He was beyond jittery. He was a wreck and an attempt to stand, he was certain he'd collapse to the floor. There was no telling his legs could support his weight.

They were inside. His son and son's mother. Suddenly, he wanted to see her, to grip her and shake her until he wasn't frustrated and angry anymore. To demand answers only she had, concerning their son. He wanted to know why she'd kept him from his son, why she'd never bothered communicating of the boy's existence. While he'd been a total arse to her, she owed it to their son to tell him about his father.

Salvatore. His son's name was Salvatore, the PI he'd hired, a contact of Josse's, had informed him of that. Leon didn't want to think of the possible reasons why Debra would choose to name the boy that. Saviour. Had she almost died during childbirth? Was it a difficult pregnancy? Had the boy's life been endangered during delivery?

A familiar helplessness, hopelessness and frustration overwhelmingly took hold of him and he found himself slamming his fist on the dashboard. A lump formed in his throat and his bloodshot eyes blurred with tears. Here he was, angry, with all his self-righteousness, acting like a heartbroken father when it had been his vengeful self's fault that he'd missed everything. All nine months of his son's developing foetus. All his mother's unattended needs.

He lifted his head and stared at the stately home before him, through the car window. It's grandness highlighted the abundance of monetary possessions. PI had mentioned Debra's financially well off state ensuing wise investments in Real estate and evidently, she was doing perfectly fine without him. He had no right to intrude the peaceful haven she'd established for their child.

He ought to have asked Josse to make a turn for the airstrip, hail the jet and return to France. No, better yet the US since he wasn't even ready to face Gabrielle after shamelessly attempting to force himself on her.

But no, he couldn't demand that of Josse. Not when his heart yearned to have a mere glance of his son. At least the hairs on his head, introduce his prodigal self to his child and plead for forgiveness from Debra so that he'd be allowed stay in their lives. Of course he could easily file for custody but it was enough he'd abandoned them when they'd needed him most. It was enough he'd lured the mother of his son into his bed for self-gain. It was enough that his one year old boy had had to live that long in his absence.

And whatever made him think Debra had done it all alone? Who was he fooling? The woman was perfection, from appearance to intelligence and all those Italian men would blissfully kiss the ground she walked on. One of those men had probably seen her through the trials and tribulations of pregnancy, seen his son first, his first tooth, his first step...

"Christ!" The pain coursing through him was unbearable. Why had he not reached out earlier, tried to apologize for his uncouth  behaviour towards Debra and make amends? That way, he'd have found out that he'd impregnated her the one passionate night he'd seduced her only to trash her feelings the next morning over a vendetta that was of no concern of his.

Beside him, someone cleared his throat and he was reminded of Josse's patient presence. "Don't beat yourself up over it. You didn't know."

Leon defiantly shook his head and disputed. "I should have. I should have known, Josse. Inside there is my one year-old son, the one that should have called me dad had I not been a complete dog to his mother."