A Unique Kind of Love (PUBLISHED)

23. Wherever You Are

“I will try to fix you.” Coldplay

Lena Rose Winter

Loss was something I was used to my entire life. In fact, it all started when my hamster Gibby died when I was about three years old. Although, every time I lost someone dear to me, it was like salt being added to a fresh wound. Your whole body feels numb, and fresh memories crush their heavy weight on a newly broken heart.

Watching someone lose a loved one is entirely different though. You can see the person crumbling like a dry pastry before your eyes. You can do nothing but stare at them. You itch to comfort them, to convince them that everything was going to be alright.  It was easier said than done. You are aware that they are suffering, and you want to take all that sadness away from them.

I currently stood a few feet away from a casket that contained my best friend’s deceased grandmother.

I clutched Liam’s hand with every piece of power I had. His hand seemed lifeless, yet I never let go.

Mom and Tori were behind me, their heads bowed down in respect. Tori’s eyes never left the snow. Liam’s neighbor stood by his side, her cheeks wet with tears. A few other people I couldn’t recognize stared at the casket with a couple of betraying tears falling.

“Lena, it’s your turn,” nudged me Tori. I noticed that the priest present with us had been done with his prayers. It was time for me to say the poem Liam had written this morning.

I stepped forward, reluctantly letting go of Liam’s hand. I cleared my throat and got the small piece of paper out of my jacket. I held it in the same hand as the white and blue roses.

“Well, uhm, to me, Darla Black was one of the kindest women I’d ever met. She is a happy, caring and generous soul. She took care of everyone in her life, and they will forever be grateful for that.”

I looked at Liam over my shoulder; his eyes were glued to the casket.

“This is a poem by Victoria L. Payne, that Liam wanted me to read.”

“In my Rose Garden of memories
I see you standing there
an angel in disguise
who taught me how to care
I long to hear your voice
for real not in my dreams,”

I paused for a second, letting a tear splatter on the paper.

“I am missing you so much these days
how empty my world seems
People say time heals all wounds
that someday the pain will subside
But Grandma I can tell you
I think they must have lied
The emptiness I am feeling now
is strong and I am weak
These days go by without you
so dreary and so bleak
In my Rose Garden of memories

I know you'll always be
for though you're gone
from this mortal world
in my heart you'll always be”

There was a sudden silence as a cold breeze blew over us, making me feel as if Darla had heard me and she saw how much we loved her.

My legs shook as I walked closer to the casket, my steps making traces on the snow. I put the flowers on top of the coffin and whispered: “I’ll try to take care of him like you did.”

I walked to Liam and put my hand in his again. Despite the freezing weather, his hand couldn’t possibly be warmer. I refrained from talking to him this whole morning. He avoided my eyes.

The priest and a man beside him looked at us with pity. “It’s time for the burial,” the man said. I stiffened.

He was giving us a choice to whether stay and watch, or leave. The burial would take a longer time, since there was snow. The caretakers of the cemetery took care of cleaning the places of snow, but it didn’t stop nature from crying frozen tears on places where dead bodies laid.