The Butler and I (BWWM)✔

27

I opened the front door slowly, the house was quite as usual. Toph texted me and said he wouldn't be home. I put my keys and bag down and walk to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water. I drunk all of it and threw the bottle in the trash. After I made my way up the stairs, I walk into Jake's room. His light snores fill up the room, it is only five, but Jake loves sleeping on Fridays after school. 

I exit the room and walk into mine and hop in the shower. 

After about thirty minutes, I come outside again, still, there is no one around. I grab a book and sit by the stairs. I start reading about neurosurgery, something I've always been interested in. Jake's door open, he startles when he sees me since I am sitting straight across from his room. I give a smile, "that's really creepy, mom," he says looking at me and how I am sitting like a little kid on the floor. 

He then makes his way to the bathroom, after a few minutes he comes out. "Jake," I call him. I pat the seat next to me. He takes a seat also, "so," I say. "Anything you want to tell me?" I ask him.

"No?" He asks if that is the right answer. 

"Guess who I talked to today?" I ask him. 

"Um... God?" He asked showing off his little teeth. 

"Yes, but no. I talked with your father during my lunch break," I say.

"That's good mom," he says patting my back. "I'll go now," he adds trying to get up. 

"Sit down," I say. He adjusts himself on the floor again. 

"Okay fine," he finally gives in. "I'm sorry I lied to you," he says. I didn't even tell him what I talked to his dad about. He's really stupid, you never give in. Learned that the hard way, one time my mother was interrogating me and I gave him. She didn't know a thing, but I gave myself up just because she intimidated me. You never give yourself up. "Ready to accept any punishment now," he adds after a while.

I look over at him, Jake is pretty messed and that is partly my fault. He's disrespectful and he has a mouth, that mouth is going to be the death of him one day. However, lying was never his thing. He has never lied to me before especially about something so important, "two weeks without your video games," I tell him. "Why did you lie?" I ask him.

"Because I didn't want to go to dad's and I knew if I told you that you would force me to go and dad would get mad saying I don't want to spend time with him," he says. 

I look over at him, "do you want to spend time with him?" I ask him getting curious. He always liked Juan and Gloria. 

"I do," he says. 

"Then, why don't you want to go to his house?" I ask him. He shakes his head no saying he won't answer the question. "Jake," I say raising my eyebrow to tell me what is going on. 

"I just don't," he says shrugging his shoulders.

"Jake," I say again giving him a death glare. "Spill it out."

"Dad and Gloria argue," he says real fast. I look over at him and give him a small hug. "Gloria says dad doesn't love her," he says leaning his head on the railing. 

"Why would she think that?" I ask him, "I'm sure Juan does, that's why he married her," I add. Juan married her because it would benefit both of their families, but I didn't Jake to think it's okay to do that. I want him to get married because he's in love. 

"I told her that and she said how comes he never says it. Mom, why is love so complicated?" He asks. I look at him wondering if he wants a genuine answer to his question. "Why can't everyone just tell the people they love that they do?" He asks. 

"I don't know, sometimes it's hard to let others know our true feelings because we're afraid they're going to use it against us. We think love is a sign of weakness, but it's a sign of strength," I tell him. I hear some noises, I look down and see Luke standing by the door. He grabs his mail from the table, when he turns he notices me. 

I smile at him, he gives me a questioning look but returns the smile regardless. He then leaves."Everyone should be strong," Jake says. I nod my head agreeing with me.

"I'll talk to Juan," I say changing the awkward conversation. "But he is picking you up any minute now," I say checking the time on my phone. 

"Do I have to go?" He asks twirling his lower lip hoping his cuteness would change my mind. 

"Yes, he's your father," I tell him. The doorbell rings as if Juan was waiting for me to talk to him. "Go grab your stuff," I tell him. I get out from the floor and go open the door. I wave my hand at him.

"Hey, he's ready?" He asks.

"Yes, he should be down any seconds now," I say looking at the stairs. 

"Did he say why he lied?" He asks me.

"Yeah, Juan I think you should really talk to him," I say.

"So, he doesn't like me?" He asks.

"He loves you," I say. "Just talk to him," Jake comes dragging himself to the door.

"Hi dad, sorry I lied," he apologizes. 

"It's fine buddy, let's go," he says. 

I watch as they make their way to the car, "No video games!" I yell to Juan. Jake groans, I smile and close the door. I walk to Luke's room and knock the door, he opens after a few seconds.

"Oh good, I have something to tell you," he says.

"I want to tell you something too," I say. 

"Um... okay, you go," he says. He stands there waiting for me to tell him. I look at him wondering if I should tell him what I want to. I want to tell him how I really feel about him, but I am afraid. A part of me is telling me no, telling me I would be making a mistake. I did tell Jake, love is a sign of strength, then why do I feel like it'll make me weak to love someone. "What is it?" He asks.

Maybe it's because the moment I love someone, I lose myself. "Luke," I say his name. I grab his hand holding them unto mine. He nods his head waiting, "I think um... I love you," I blurt out the last part really fast. 

I can't read his facial expression, "what?" He asks. He lets my hand go, I sigh wondering what he is going to say next. "Christine, you um... can't love me," he says. 

"What?" I ask him what he means by that. "Are you using that excuse that you're a butler again?" I ask him. I hate that he thinks that, love knows no color, no age, no height, weights, nor profession. 

"Yes and no," he answers. "You deserve so much better than me, you deserve someone who can take care of you, some-"

I cut him off before he has a chance to continue, "I don't need anyone to take care of me," I tell him. "I am well able to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and financially," I tell him. "And the fact that you can't understand that is just so," I from a fist not knowing the right word to use to tell him how I really feel about it. "Just forget it, Luke," I say shaking my head. "What did you have to say?"

I am one step away from breaking down in tears, I sigh and dig my nails into my skin so my physical pain can distract me from my emotional pain. "I'm leaving," he says. 

"You're leaving?" I ask him. I close my eyes and dig my hand into my skin even more. 

"Yeah, remember that mentoring thing I was telling you about?" He asks. I nod my head remembering how one of his favorite chefs' doing a mentoring thing. He said he applied, but he didn't think he would get in. I am happy that he has a chance to live one of his biggest dreams, I just wish he wouldn't be leaving. Why do I care anyway? He doesn't even feel the same way, I am just wasting my time. "Well, I got in, I have to leave by Monday," he adds.

"Congratulations," I tell him. I give him a small smile and make my way out of the room.

"Christine," he calls me running out of the room. I stop and take a deep breath turning around. He grabs me, "I'm sorry," he says. He pecks my lips and lets me go. He walks back to his room and closes the door.

AN

Should Luke leave?

Au Revoir...