The Butler and I (BWWM)✔

52

"I thought I was going through labor," the lady says as I review her file. I look up at her and give her a smile. "I rushed here," she adds.

"We are so not ready," the person I suppose is her husband says. They are both wearing wedding rings and he is in no doubt the father. He hols unto her hand gently right there supporting her. I look at her, she is eight months pregnant. In a few more months I'd probably be the same size as her. She smiles back waiting for me. Ever since I came from Florida, I was working trying to forget about what happened.

Work is my escape from everything, it is a chance for me to forget about the miscarriage. No one at work knew I was pregnant so no one asked or apologized for something they couldn't control. Today is not a good day considering she is the second pregnant women that have been my patient and it has only been four hours since I came to work. "Excuse me?" the lady asks still waiting for me. "Are you okay?" She asks me.

"Yes, I'm sorry," I say. I look down at her chart again, "um... you had what we called Braxton Hicks contractions, it's nothing to worry about. It's false contractions and you're not going through labor," I tell her. She smiles, "since you are already here, we'll run a few tests if that's okay with you to see if everything is going well with the baby," I say waiting for the answer.

"Yes, that'll be great," she says. "You hear that baby," she tells her husband, "they're false contractions, one day it'll be the real one. Start putting together the damn crib," she hit his arm gently. I chuckle and leave them alone. They seem so happy together, I walk back to the station to order the tests when I see Luke here with Mila talking. I frown, what is he doing here?

He is one of the things I'm trying to avoid. I haven't seen him since we came back which was a couple days ago. I avoid his calls, I just feel bad about everything. Knowing that I have no choice but to see him, I walk to the station anyways. "What are you doing here?" I ask him. 

"I brought you lunch," he says. 

"Thank you, but I don't have my break for another two hours," I walk to the computer trying to log in to take care of the tests and get this over with. A nurse can do the tests, but I will do anything to stay away from Luke. 

"Oh," Mila says, "you can take your break, I'll cover for you," she grabs the file from my hand. I look at her unbelievably. "I got you on the tests," she says reading the file. "Go have lunch with your boo," she says passing her hand in the air. She is the most clueless person here, how couldn't she tell that I am trying to avoid having lunch with him? 

"Yeah," I say awkwardly, "thank you," I tell her. Luke looks at me waiting for me to come with him. "Let me just get my jacket," I say. It is getting really cold now, it is almost a new year, after all, tomorrow will be New Years, what a great way to start the new year.

I walk into the lodge and grab my jacket from my locker, after I walk back out. We walk outside the to the patio and I take a seat, Luke takes a seat across from me. "Christine," Luke calls me. I put my head down not wanting to look into his eyes right now. "Are you okay?" He asks me. I simply shake my head. He hands me the food, I open the container to see a grilled chicken sandwich.

"Thank you," is the only thing I tell him. I start to eat slowly digesting my food. He doesn't say anything to me. He lets out a sigh, I look at him and he passes his hand through his already messy hair. His blonde locks look like he hasn't brushed them in ages, his blue eyes look dark almost. 

"You haven't said anything about what happened," Luke says. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to do and I'm just sorry," he repeats again. I don't say anything and continue to eat my food. He probably is now thinking that I am being difficult, maybe I am being difficult. "Christine, he calls me again. I just want you to talk to me."

"I have to go," I say getting up from my seat. 

"Can you just talk to me?" He asks. 

"I don't have anything to say, Luke," I tell him. He gets up also and pulls me towards him. He pulls me into a hug. I feel great being in his arms, the way he is holding onto me. It's like he's hiding me and nothing bad will happen. I feel like he is protecting me in some way, I relax under his arm, a hug is what I needed. 

"You don't have to say anything," he whispers in my ear. "I know you don't like people taking care of you or anything, but can you just let me be there. I want us to get through this together. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling but please just let me in, that's all I'm asking Christine," he says. I can't form words, I feel like if I open my mouth to speak tears will fall down my cheeks. I nod my head letting him know I want him to be there. "We'll get through this, I promise," he adds.

"I'm sorry," I tell him. 

"What are you sorry for?" He asks me.

"I know all you ever wanted was a baby and I ruined that for you. And I just feel-" tears start to fall down my cheeks again. He pulls away and wipes my tears away gently with his thumb. 

"It isn't your fault," he tells me. "These things happen all the time," he adds. I nod my head, "I love you Christine and I need you to stop blaming yourself for this," he kisses my forehead gently and gives me a hug again. I know we can never determine the future, but being with him makes me believe that everything will be alright. Everything will be fine Christine, I tell myself.