Guys I'm not so CRUEL TO EVER END A BOOK LIKE THAT + NO GOOD WRITER WOULD EVER IN THEIR RIGHT SENSES LEAVE OR END THE BOOK IN THAT SORTA WAY I WAS JUST KIDDING IM SO SORRY , Y'all are allowed to virtually kill me as much as y'all want because oof im sorry !!
Anyways this is for my babies ilysbbix and ohnotronnor
{Trigger warning}
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Jacob found himself in his room, sitting on the top of the railing of his balcony as his legs swung down, going to and fro, wind hitting his bare chest.
His one hand held onto to a pack of cigarettes while the other just had the red coloured oversized sweater which still had the fragrance of vanilla and fresh cut apples and everything sweet lingering in it despite the fact that it was stained with his tears. He had been crying — he couldn't bring himself to stop it, couldn't bring himself to let his heart not ache for a single second since he was up in Troye's room.
He wondered why he had to be such a dick, such a screw up who always messed up everything in his life. He didn't even know — it was as if the blind fortune was playing with him, hanging him by a thread and pushing him off a cliff into a a death end of heartbreaks and guilty feelings.
He was rolling the cigarette in between his lips which were pressed closed tightly , taking a puff in and filling his lungs with the weight and toxicity of the smoke.
His chest felt burnt , as if the smoke in his lungs were not from the cigarette but from the intense heat in his heart which had ultimately set his whole chest into some chaotic fire - a fire which is probably never gonna stop because the tears rolling down his cheeks and messing up his face, making his nose tip redder by the second just seemed to give more fuel to the fire. There was just no stopping it as Jacob felt his head feel light but at the same time so damn heavy.
He would like to put a bullet in his head, burn himself in a pyre of wood maybe or even just swallow the cigarettes and burn his throat, stopping the invisible choking hands that were attached around his neck, making it difficult for him to breathe.
He had the cigarette placed in between his fingers now,
"Will you do that again?"
"Dad, please no. I won't go around snooping in mum's bedroom again. I'm so sorry!"
"I said you to stay away from her room!"
"I missed her! I wanted to smell her clothes! It feels like she is still with me when I sleep wearing her shirt! It feels like she is still hugging me after school and I just miss her!" Jacob was sniffling. His heart was feeling the same amount of pain as his throat was blocked, not letting him breathe.
"You fucking headass should have been dead with her!" His dad spat at him as he closed his eyes.
Jacob was locked up in his bathroom that night. He had bruises all over his body. He was curled up in a ball, looking at the small cigarette burns on his wrist. His dad did that to him each time he was a 'bad boy' and it didn't even hurt him. He had been having those since he was four when his mom died. It's almost two years now. Nothing had changed.
Pressing the cigarette against his pale flesh on his skin again, he watched intensely as the cigarette made a soft sizzling sound and light fumes of smoke began to grey his vision. He sighed. His veins were popping out, he could feel the cigarette being deep seated in his skin but he didn't speak anything. He didn't feel any pain.
"What are you trying to do, Jay?" A male voice asked from the bedroom. His legs wobbled as they hit the railing of the balcony.
"Adam," Jacob said softly as he pulled the cigarette away and looked at Adam who was just standing two feet away, looking at him with a soft look. He was sad, no doubt. The night had been quite eventful.
"Come down from the railing, Jacob. You may fall down, come on, yeah?" Adam said softly, stretching his hand forward for Jacob to take it and just come over.
"What ever would happen if I fell? I would die, right? And why would it matter? I don't think it would matter in any way," Jacob let out a sad chuckle as he said this. His fingers were shaky as he watched the cigarette from his hand just fall down. He wished it was his body instead. He wasn't one to show everyone how much pain he had gone through. Being a fuckboy and a cold hearted asshole was his coping mechanism to the night terrors and post trauma he had experienced. But Troye had opened up the emotional side of him and now, he just couldn't find himself going back to his old self.
Adam's heart hurt to even see his best friend like that, chuckling and crying at the same time as he spoke up,
"I know you're in pain, Jay. We all know that. But instead of ending your life you could just end the pain, yeah?"
"What if I just want to end my pain by ending my life? If I don't exist, neither would my pain, it's just logical," Jacob said. It's not that he hasn't considered suicide before. He has - several times when he lived with his dad but he just didn't have the courage to actually to actually go do it. But now, today - he had no hesitations.
"Don't be dumb, Jay. Nothing about suicide is logical. It's not the option, please don't do this to yourself. But most importantly , don't do this to me! Call me selfish or whatever but don't do this , please. You know there are other ways to make this better, Jay p-please," Adam said, not able to control the tears that had brimmed up his eyes.
Jacob didn't say anything so Adam just shook his head and continued,
"If you jumped right now, I don't think that I would ever be able to forgive myself for not being able to convince you that this is never the option! I'll die of the guilt more than anything else, Jay. Don't do this to me, I beg of you," His pleading and shaking voice called out to Jacob. He was sobbing, no doubt and his chest heaved down. He didn't know what else to say as he just looked intensely at Jacob who was sitting exactly like a statue - not even breathing.
"I always fuck up everything, there is nothing I could do to fix this, Adam."
"No, don't say that," Adam pleaded.
A few moments passed.
"Jacob please," Adam pleaded again, seeing that Jacob was not even moving from his position with a heavy breath. He couldn't see this. He just could not see Jacob like this and not do anything about this so he had no other option than to plead.
Jacob had the choice.
And so Jacob just did what he had to do.
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Love y'all take care it's very late so i can't write everything but please stay hydrated love y'all so so so so much !! X
YOU ARE READING
Oui ⭐ tracob au
Fanfiction"Hey boy with blue eyes, got a nice ass there, huh?" "Oui?" ◆ Or where Troye is an Exchange Student from France and Jacob is a straight fuckboy who happens to find the boy with the cute French accent adorable. - I was inspired by Larry_Lashton for...
