I wasn’t sure if I were willing on giving this another go. There was something about an ex that made them obligated to stay in the past and remain there. Sometimes you deal with them and their problems, but moreover they stay hidden in a small box in the back of your brain. Of course, this had been all on me, suggesting we remained friends.
He had been one of my best friends and that first kiss had been a horrible mistake. That’s what I say now. Back then it had been on my mind for some while. Calum and I had this sexual tension from the beginning of our friendship that never faded, although we remained dormant to do anything about it. Eventually I must admit those few months with Calum had been the best of my life and I doubt anything or anyone will ever come near the passion and wanton I had with Calum. Not only had I had my best friend by my side, but I hadn’t felt so loved in forever.
I don’t even remember why we broke up to begin with. We argued, a lot. Most of the times it was stupid, avoidable things that would fuel his or my anger. It would almost always end that same day though, I made sure we never went to bed while fighting, because even though we were lovers, he was my best friend first. I remember keeping my head high while being among friends and completely crashing as soon as my front door slowly shut. It was something I did to spare Calum of having to deal with our girl friends throwing him filthy looks and to make sure the guys didn’t take pity on me. The first time we went out and assured everyone we could do this I ended up bawling on the floor, back against the front door of my apartment.
I had slept in said spot, and gone to work with red, puffy eyes and mascara in unknown places. My co-worker, wanting to be a good friend, phoned my then ex-boyfriend to tell him that I wasn’t feeling well. Try to explain you’re completely fine when your tears from last night are still glued to your face. Calum was reluctant at first, of course. Who is their right mind comes to console their ex on the breakup they were both involved in. But as I said, Calum was my best friend and that always came first.
It was the first time I had my best friend again since the break-up. He pulled me close, held me and I just cried. I stained his shirt, I told him how horrible I felt and that I honestly believed this was a mistake. That was a few months ago. We both thought it would be better if we remained friends. We both believed the sexual tension we experienced was something that would fade over time, even though this all started because we couldn’t control our animalistic behaviour.
The fact that he is hovering mere centimetres from me and I am about to close that gap, states the opposite. His eyes are fluttering from my eyes to my lips. His fingers slowly tapping on the hood of his car, awaiting my next move.
I want to, but I shouldn’t. I’m contemplating this too much but our friendship was already on a silken thread and this might rupture it completely. I open my mouth to speak, but I have nothing wise to say. It’s not that I have many decisions to make other than question my moral standards. I want this, I want him. It’s always been him. I lean in the short distance that remained and seal our lips together. My fingertips brush over his neck to cup his jaw, pressing my upper body against Calum’s.
He groans into my mouth as his hands wind around my waist. Without any effort, Calum pulls my body onto his lap and leans down against the windshield of his recently bought slick black car. I feel shivers run up and down my spine which I can’t place. Calum had driven us up the cliff to a secluded area which overlooked the city. If this were a date, it would be my vision of perfection.
Instead, I’m sloppily kissing my best friend, hands groping underneath shirts while we’re out in the open. His fingers brush along my exposed thigh and I visibly shiver, breaking our kiss. “Take this to the back seat?” Calum mumbles, his gaze lowered to my breasts before he gazes up at me. I bite my lip, contemplating his offer. We’re fucked anyway. I push my groin against Calum’s hardening bulge as an unspoken answer to his question.
Calum groans loudly as his fingers dig into my bum and he lifts me, jumping off the hood. Without any trouble, he guides us to the backseat of his car, closing the door behind himself. “What are we doing?” I breathe, my fingers already unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. Calum slides closer, his head disappear in the crook of my neck as he passionately kisses and licks. “Something I’ve been fantasizing about for months now.”
Calum’s answer goes straight to my core and I moan as I throw my leg over his hips, drawing him into me as I press his back down against the leather of the backseat. My dress rises on my hips as Calum’s hands wander, his lips back to caressing the skin on my neck.
My fingers trail over Calum’s smooth, exposed chest and up along his neck to cup his jaw in my frail hands. Calum’s hot breath hits my face as he enjoys every caress of his skin with his eyes closed. “I - I missed you.” Calum mumbles and it stings, so I try to ignore it and focus on making him, making myself feel good, in this moment. Of course, I had missed him too, but it was a somewhat mutual decision that we couldn’t do this any longer. I had tried to crawl back on that decision almost immediately.
I’m fumbling with the zipper of his jeans while he unzips the back of my dress and skilfully bares my chest for his wandering gaze, bunching my dress near my hips. Calum’s boxer short clad erection rubs again my dampened, clothed core which sends me crashing into him. I’m pressing my lips against his with such force he hums in pleasure, his fingertips digging into my thighs the more passionate our exchange becomes.
I feel him cup my breast, a rough squeeze following before his large hand cups my neck and chin, separating our lips for some well-deserved air. “Calum, I -” I stumble over my words as my eyes drift closed when his attention focuses back on my neck, all the while his hands are kneading my bum roughly. “Yes baby?”
“Now.” I was never one with a broad vocabulary, but Calum knew and understood my one syllable mumbles. He knew my body like no one else and as I lay writhing underneath him, he knew exactly where to touch to drive me insanely wild.
His mind clicks and he pushes his jeans as far down as possible with me on top. As soon as I feel the skin on skin contact a loud moan leaves my lips. Calum’s hands and arms wind around my waist, pulling me closer as he enters me.
I start swaying my hips back and forth, making figure eights as I let my hands roam wherever they please. My head is hidden in the crook of Calum’s neck, avoiding eye contact as I sink my teeth into his tender flesh.
Calum groans loudly, his fingers leaving marks on my thighs as he starts guiding me in a faster pace. I can feel he is nearing his release as he starts moving along. I can feel myself nearing again as I grind down more, searching for friction I know Calum would gladly give.
His hand disappears between our molten bodies and he lazily rubs along my clit, but it’s enough to spiral me over the edge. I’m a moaning mess against his neck, fingernails digging into the back.
He chases his own relief in stutters and when he finally finishes, a thick tension fills the air as our heavy breathing makes room for silence. I keep my face hidden in his sweaty neck and savour his scent and taste. Damn I miss him.
“God, I needed that.” Calum’s laughs as he peeks one eye open. I grant him with the tiniest of grins as I lift myself off him, a loud sigh leaving my lips. I think I love Calum.
“You know I love you, right?” Calum’s hand squeezes my knee reassuringly as he glances in my direction. I feel my eyes widen as I recall saying the last few thoughts out loud. Calum’s lazy smiles indicates otherwise and I mumble in return. “Yeah, love you too.” Calum starts redressing himself and I follow suit, keeping completely silent while doing so. His words warm my heart. Although I think we don’t mean the same thing.
