Hi.
My name is Skylar.
I'm too young to know much about the world yet too old to remember much about today. Where do I begin?
I like super light shades of green, and super dark shades of blue, but my favorite of all time is black. I like poetry and lots of people coming together to redefine what art is when the meaning has been lost. We must often remind ourselves of that. I love to read because I find it's easier to deal with my own problems through characters who have their own lives and mentalities. I realize now that maybe I like reading so much because when you're engrossed in a world full of possibilities, you are never truly alone.
I sometimes get lonely when I look out into very bright sunsets. Sometimes the colors remind me of the someone's cheek or someone's laugh, and it reminds me of the way they are no longer who they promised they'd always be.
And very often, I cry over stupid things that shouldn't mean anything but end up meaning everything. In fact, I've found that If I go a day or two without crying, I seem to implode on myself like a black hole. I figure I'm made of a little bit more water than the rest of the world and I'm just trying to find a way to stay afloat while drowning within myself.
I am what most people would call a worry wart. I worry about the way the word "worry" sounds in my mouth on its way past my tongue, I worry the way the rain falls out of the sky like meteors. I worry about my grades on their way from the A++ on my paper to my inevitable report card. I worry about the possibilities of someone hacking the computer and changing my grade. I worry.. a lot.
I'm a well-put together Barbie Doll of a human. I wear the nicest clothes I can to hide the fact that I'm incredibly insecure about my body. I wear the brightest makeup to make up for the fact that my face is average and full of acne like every other teenage nightmare. Some people would say I look preppy but they don't realize that on the inside, I am a lost girl just trying to make her way through all of the plastic people. I refuse to believe I am preppy.
My head is a constant broken Ferris wheel. Sometimes my thoughts get stuck at the top of my brain and my OCD-ridden behavior reminds me that if I even try to move, the entire cart will flip and my existence will cease to exist. My depression stops every thought of safety or rescue and reminds me that in the end, you're human. You'll die anyway. What's the point of waiting until after you've escaped death when you could just disappear when you want to?
I'm the kind of girl who's mind works a mile a minute. I can't sit still, as every time I start to relax, the cockroaches in my brain start crawling around and making me itch and itch until I finally have to scratch. I move a lot. I have all of this kinetic energy trying to claw its way out of me everyday and sometimes I wonder if maybe that's why It feels like I have run a marathon before I have even left my bed some days. Some days, putting my feet on the ground is hard.
I tend to fall deeply, desperately in love with people who have lost their hearts and can't seem to find the pieces. I am notorious for finding those who can't love me back in the way a person should love another, but you must also understand that I am prone to doing the same thing. I tend to squander good people when they come into my life. I take the good and trade it for the bad, I've always been the best at bringing about my own destruction.
But it's okay, because I don't particularly believe in love. Rather, I believe in the beauty of a person finding that life is a little more bearable when they are standing next to another. I don't necessarily believe that everyone has a happily ever after, but I do believe that everyone has an after and I guess that's a good place to start.
So, hello.
How are you?
Let's get to know each other better.
-S
