The Challenging Path to Self Acceptance

15

"What is wrong with you two?" My mother asked harshly, making me flinch.

"Nothing's wrong with us." My brother argued from behind me. My parents pushed me aside to walk into my room and confront my brother, who faced them with a set face, and seemingly no fear at all.

"Then why on earth would you walk out of church?" Dad demanded.

"Because what the priest was talking about was wrong. Gay people aren't a plague on this world."

"It's a sin to be gay. It's even written in the bible."

"And how can we trust that. So much could have been lost in translation, and so much could have been edited to serve someone else's needs. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being gay. It's the quality of the person that counts. And either way, it isn't up to us to judge people."

"How dare you?" Mother screeched. "We have spent your whole life teaching you to follow the lord, and now you have the nerve to say that he is wrong. That is not how we raised you."

"This is exactly how you raised me. You raised me to believe that I am important, and that my thoughts and opinions matter. So it shouldn't be surprising to you at all that I'm standing her, telling you my thoughts, and making my opinions known, because according to you, they are important." My brother snapped back.

"Your opinions are wrong. The bible says that being gay is a sin, and so it is. A man marrying another man ruins the sanctity of marriage, and a man dating another man is gross and wrong. A relationship should be kept between a man and a woman." Dad yelled.

"Says who?"

"Says our lord."

"So I'm supposed to just blindly follow a book that's filled with controversial messages, and that was supposedly made by an all powerful being? We don't even know if God is even real." My brother shouted. The room fell silent. We all knew that he had gone too far this time.

"You will take that back." Mom said calmly. Too calmly.

"I will not." My brother snapped back. 

"You will too. This family has faith in our lord, and that is final. We know he exists because proof of him is written right here, in black and white." Mom barked, picking my bible off of my nightstand, and waving it around. My brother glared at my parents as he walked by them and grabbed a book off of my book case.

"There are words written in this book, clear as day in black and white. However, this book is about a zombie apocalypse, and robots taking over the world. So, according to your logic, every single word written in this book is true." My brother said.

"Of course not. That book is clearly fiction." Mom argued.

"But proof of it is written right here in black and white." 

"That doesn't make it true."

"Exactly."

"We will not be having this discussion. Everyone in this family believes in God. Everyone in this family follows God. And no one in this family is gay, so it doesn't matter if it's a sin anyway." My brother looked past my mom, and directly at me, as if telling me that now was the time to come out. I took a deep, shaky breath, and held it as I stepped forward so that I was beside my brother. 

"Actually," I said, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Mom and Dad looked confused, my brother looked proud, and Fin looked encouraging. "I'm gay."

My parents looked at me in shock, as if they thought they heard me wrong, or expected me to say I was joking. But I didn't. I just stood there, fiddling with my shirt and shuffling my feet, waiting for my parents to say or do something. Anything. I was actually almost relieved when I saw their faces change to ones of anger.

"What?" My dad asked roughly. I flinched once again, and took a step back.

"I-I'm gay. I've been dating Michael for a few months now, and I've liked another boy since before Michael and I started dating." I said, giving Fin a quick glance. No one noticed.

"Is that why he's been coming over so much? You two have been sinning in my house? Having sex under my roof?" Mom yelled. I felt my cheeks get hot, and my face flush when Mom mentioned sex. I waved my arms around and shook my head frantically, trying to make it clear that we had never had sex.

"No no no no no. We've never gone that far." I said hurriedly.

"That far? How far have you guys gone?" 

"Uh, we've made out a lot. And - we've stripped down to our boxers." I mumbled, my face getting hotter as I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

"Oh goodness." My mom said weekly as she more or less fainted. Dad got her as she fanned her own face with her hand, and he looked back up at me with fire in his eyes.

"Get out of my house." He demanded.

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"No son of mine is gay. You will pack a bag, and leave my house."

"W-where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't care. I just want you out of my house." I began to quickly pack a bag as tears filled my eyes. Fin offered for me to stay with him for a while, my brother was shouting at my mom and dad, and I packed up a bunch of my belongings. 

"Dad I-" I began, planning to try and get him to change his mind.

"Jus leave you fucking faggot!" My dad shouted. That hit me hard as I turned around and left the house with Fin beside me. 

I felt numb as Fin and I walked to his house. I couldn't talk. Or hear. Or see. Or feel. It was like all of my senses were shut down, and all that was left inside of my was an empty feeling. No. It wasn't empty. There was sadness there too, and, at first, it was so small that I didn't even know that it was there. But then it began to grow, and it didn't stop. It just got bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until I finally felt like I was going to pop like a balloon. I fell to my knees, physically hurting inside from the strain of the sadness as it began to overflow, and pour from my eyes. The tears were big, and hot, and falling down my face faster than I thought possible. 

Fin crouched down beside me, and placed a gentle hand on my back. He pulled me into a tight, comforting, and, as always, needed hug. I wrapped my arms around him and held on for dear life as I sobbed into his shoulder. Fin wrapped his arms tighter around my waist, and held me like I was a balloon that he didn't want to fly away. I squeezed him tighter too, and I hugged him as if her were a teddy bear that would keep me safe from the monsters under my bed. 

I was so lucky to have Fin as a friend.