TF2 X Reader OneShots (ReDux)

Pauling In Wonderland (Part Two)

Pauling found that her newfound friends were in every way mad. The March Engineer had Tourettes, the Mad Sniper was bipolar and just a shade short of off his rocker, and Demomouse had a drinking problem, leading to poor impulse control. She stayed with them for quite a while, and even got to make friends with the other people that lived around what she called Wonderland.

The Tweedles(Tweedle Gib and Tweedle Crit) were not that smart, but were honest and brave, and had an odd tendency to scream things. They were also identical in every way, except one wore red and one wore blue.

The Chespy Cat was suave and mysterious. He was also an asshole, and disappeared to get out of an awkward or difficult situation, labelling him a coward. He was nice enough to his friends, though, and was always sprinkling whatever he said to Ms Pauling with sugar.

The Scout Rabbit was a ball of energy, constantly worried about time and how fast he needed to get to places. He seemed oddly attached to Ms Pauling, thus spending a moment with her whenever he was hurrying somewhere, which made him even more late. Ms Pauling found it endearing, honestly, that he was trying to court her as best he could, but she wasn't straight, and didn't have the heart to tell him.

The Red Dragon was as cold as he was before, even after getting to know Pauling. He kept imploring her to fetch the Vorpal Sword from the Red Queen's castle, but alas, she did not slay. Eventually, however, on the fourth day she had to prepare, she got so annoyed that she agreed to go fetch the sword. The Mad Sniper and the Tweedles went with her. Before she departed, she bid all of her friends farewell.

"Hey, Scout? How did you escape the Bloody Baron?" He shrugged.

"That guy was honestly addicted to his melee weapon, never pulled his gun on me, just tried to chase me down." Pauling giggled.

"Okay. I'm glad you're safe, though." Scout nodded and smiled.

"Ready to go, sheila?" Pauling nodded and hiked up the bag on her back. Then she waved goodbye to everyone. They all waved back, except for the Red Dragon, who was giving her a cold look. She glared back at the Dragon, then the Sniper started walking off. She clung to the brim of his hat, internally panicking.

"Wait, we should give her some of that grow cake!" Gib shouted randomly on the way there.

"Yeah, that would be beneficial," Crit said in response.

"We can't do that, she's too recognizable. Plus, if we send her to get the Vorpal Sword in a cramped place, she can go in while she's small, then eat some Üpelkuchen we send with her, and she can grab the sword and get out of the room she's in."

"But that wouldn't make sense! Wouldn't we have to send Pisshalver with her as well so she could get back out?" Sniper rolled his eyes.

"No, she could break down the wall by slamming the butt of the sword against it. Remember when they raided the Blu castle? That's how they got through the wall."

"Oooooooooh..." The Tweedles said in unison. Sniper shook his head and chuckled.

"Idiot boys..."

Eventually, they got to the Red Castle, on the fifth day.

"Alright, we need to get in and out to start training Pauling on how to not panic during battle."

"What about how to use a sword? That'd be useful!" Pauling hung on the brim of Sniper's top hat to glare at him. Sniper shrugged.

"The sword knows what it's doing. You just have to hold onto it." Pauling looked at Mick, confused as hell, but he offered no explanation. They eventually made it to the wall. Mick set Pauling down.

"There's a crack in the wall you can get through. Godspeed, Pauling." Pauling nodded and ran through before the others were captured. She couldn't bear to see her friends hurt.

When she got inside, she came upon a tied up hedgehog. People were cheering in the distance. She untied the poor thing, and he skittered off. Pauling turned to look at the group of people. One of them looked quite similar to...

"Administrator?" Pauling asked out loud. The cheering stopped. The Red Queen looked around for the source of the question.

"WHO SAID THAT?!" She shouted. Pauling trembled and hid in a bush. Tav was hiding there as well.

"Tav-" He shushed her and held her close. She stayed quiet, not even daring to breathe when footsteps went by the bush they were in. Once everybody was gone, Tav let Pauling go and smiled.

"Tav, what are you doing here?" His smile fell.

"As soon as ye left, the Bloody Baron came and captured us all. We serve under bloody big head now." Pauling gasped.

"How long have you been here?"

"As soon as they tried to force me into one of their wretched uniforms, I fled. What else was I to do? I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing, looked terrible." Pauling giggled, and Tav smiled.

"Anyway, I've been hiding in here for a few, uh...Hours? I'm not sure, but I've only grabbed food once, so that must be a good sign, right?" Pauling nodded.

"Do you know where the Vorpal Sword might be?" He paled a bit.

"Uh, no. I don't know where he is. I have a suspicion, though. It might be in-" Suddenly, they both got pulled out of the bush. Tav squeaked, while Pauling yelped. They were met with ice blue eyes behind a pair of medium glasses.

"Oh, I finally found you, stupid mouse! And who is this lovely lady? She looks quite beautiful." Tav growled.

"KEEP YER MITTS OFF HER IF YE KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YE, YE MAD DOCTOR!" The Bloody Baron chuckled and shook his head.

"But I'm not the only mad one here, am I, alkoholische Maus?" The Baron put them both in his breast pocket, then walked off to the throne room. Pauling was the only one that could see, Demo was too short. When they were taken out of his pocket, she panicked. This certainly meant death.

"The Oraculum did not show this girl. Who is she?" The Baron shrugged at the Queen, who took a long drag of her cigarette.

"Get the girl some Üpelkuchen, and take the mouse to get changed. He won't escape this time, will he?"

"No, Frau Margaret."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" The Queen hissed. The Baron shrugged and took Tav away, leaving Pauling with the old hag who called herself queen.